Overwhelmed...

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Ok friends, can I just make this a confession day? Can I just be real with you today? It has been really hard recently. Really hard. There are times spiritually when it is just hard. 

Close friends and relatives in mortal and spiritual battles, financial worries, hope deferred, my own health issues, more job concerns than I even want to think about,  more major life decisions and more court battles (not of my choosing) have left me wanting to, like Elijah, go into a cave and let the ravens feed me. 

And while there has been good intermingled, more frequently than not, most days I have had to remind myself to look for it. Let's just say, I have been overwhelmed.

It is an humbling thing to see your life reduced to boxes. In the best of circumstances it means a grand, new adventure is about to begin. Children grow up, move off to college or lives of their own; new jobs are taken in far away cities and there is excitement in the air. However, when the choice is not yours, and you are leaving the home where you thought you would wave good-bye to your grandchildren from the front porch swing and in which you envisioned many future celebrations and life events, the home where you though you would draw your last breath, it is a gut wrenching experience. 

That is where I was in November of 2013. Today, I sit among more boxes...I've sold my home. Between work, school, singing and speaking, I cannot keep up the inside and the outside of the home successfully and I have determined that time with my children is far more important than a yard. So here again, we sit among the boxes and pray that somehow God will turn this into a grand, new adventure. 

 Saturday was one of those days where I sat among the boxes and ashes and just asked God what He is up to. "What next?" Actually, it was more like, "God, you gave me a glorious vision of what you want, when are you going to bring it to pass?" The night ended with one final, pitiful but heartfelt prayer. "Father, could you just show me that you are still here?"

Sunday morning I awoke like any other, wanting to get to church but not wanting to leave my cocoon. I woke my daughter, then read my devotion, and noticed a message. My first reaction was to delete it without opening it because I did not know the sender. On social media, I try not to advertise my singleness too often as it seems to be a magnet for crazy people (don't get me started on that one). Let's just suffice it to say, there are far fewer single true Christians than one would hope.

The message was from a husband and wife ministry team who had stumbled across my page on a mutual friend's share. After feeling led to pray for me, they then felt led to offer to me some encouragement. A voice recording was sent of them praying for me and surely the Lord sent them. 

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. John 16:13

It seems that Kathy and Pete Rodriguez and I share very similar paths. Their stories entail many of the same spiritual and earthly battles along the way to fulfilling the ministry that God called them too and I will forever be grateful that Holy Spirit led them to pray for this little gal 499 miles away with one mutual Facebook friend. Overwhelmed...thank you God, I see you are still here.

I arise to begin my day, my water heater has finally caught back up after my daughter's shower (bless it). I have my TV on to Jentezen Franklin as I do every Sunday when I am home. Two fold blessing, he always has a great word for the church and its my time clock as  I get dressed for church. The message..."Go and Do Likewise"  In this sermon on the Good Samaritan Franklin touches on "the robber, religion and the redeemer" . First how the robber comes to destroy lives, relationships and dreams to distract us from the purpose God has called us to. The enemy's job is to kill, steal and destroy. This is what the enemy has tried to do in my life lately, to kill my dreams, to steal my joy and to destroy my destiny. 

He then addresses religion, oh my, this one could get me in all kinds of trouble. Franklin delved head long into so many things that I could expound on. Do yourself a favor, please take the time to look up the sermon and to listen to it. The only thing that I will personally state about this. In the body of Christ, if we call ourselves by the name of Christ and we see our brother hurting, if we see them in sin, if we see them slipping away, if we see them in need we are to get involved. Lives, families, hearts  and souls could be saved and restored if we just get involved.

Finally, as he addressed the redeemer, Franklin's words reminded me that God saw me in my fallen state and he waited for my return. When I was not thinking of Him, He was thinking of me and that in this season He is still thinking of me when I cannot see his hand, when I can not hear his voice, when I do not see His plan. He has much invested in me and I am IN CHRIST. If He did nothing else for me ever again, its not about what I can do for Him, its about what He can do through me....Overwhelmed...Thank you Jesus for taking my sin.

This was our first Sunday in Sunday School at our new church, but I was determined to get us back into a regular routine. (ok... as regular as you can have in my house, lol). I get my daughter settled into her new class and make my way to mine where one of my best friends is waiting for me. It is here the Father reminds me of my purpose, the purpose for us all. 

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Phiippians 3:12

Overwhelmed....Thank you Lord, you took hold of me for a purpose.

Today our regular worship leader was not there, we had a visiting pastor and his family leading us in worship today. He begins by telling how there was a Divine appointment in the choosing of the songs for the morning. 

Doesn't matter what I feel

Doesn't matter what I see

My hope will always be

Your promises to me

Now I'm casting out all fear

For Your love has set me free

My hope will always be

Your promises to me

Overwhelmed...Thank you Holy Spirit for reminding me that we walk by faith and not sight and that the Lord alone is my hope. And then...No one will ever be able to stand against me a Child of the most High King as we sing God of Angel Armies. 

Chris begins to preach on Joshua 1:5-9, and if you read my blogs you know that God has had me camped out in these verses for some time now. Three times in this passage He commands Joshua and us to "be strong and courageous". In Chris' message he points, 1) God uses ordinary people (yep...that's me...ordinary), 2) Defining moments determine our destiny (yes they do and God has presented me with so many in my life, some welcomed and some not, but each have brought me to this place) 3) when you need a miracle, you plant a see of faith ( ok Lord, I hear you. please tell me clearly what the next step is and I'll put my toes in the water) 4) In the darkest night, light shines the brightest (yes Lord, I will shine for you even when I can't see where we are going). Overwhelmed....Thank you God for reminding me that You go before and I do not have to be afraid.

After the service, I stop by the product table and very inadequately attempt to express my thanks to the visiting worship leader for his obedience to the Holy Spirit. We chit-chat a moment and he asks if I do something in ministry. I briefly give him a run down of where God has me right now. I tell him how the whole service spoke to me so much, as I seem to be at an impasse at present and have been praying for God to give me new, clear direction. He asks if he can pray for me and we do. Then he tells me that his sister has women's ministry, gives me his card, and takes mine with a purpose of networking in the body of Christ. Overwhelmed... I stopped to buy a t-shirt, feed a child and support No Hungry Child @ www.nohungrychild.org. but Lord you have supplied yet another Divine appointment.    

Home for a few hours to regroup and prepare for our sing tonight. Then off to sing with a great bunch of gals and guys. I am blessed in that I love my job (well, most of it) and I love what I get to do in ministry for the Savior. I am also blessed to be able to discern spirits and there was a battle going on in the atmosphere last night. The enemy wanted us silenced. I gave a little bit of testimony to introduce a the song Honestly by the Issacs. This song has come to mean so much to us all as a group, but for yesterday it held a little extra meaning. As soon as we began to sing the devil was in the details. Before the end of the night we swapped out all three mic chords and still had trouble with the sound (despite the best efforts of our soundman) but the enemy is a liar, the show went on, Jesus got the victory and God got the Glory!

 I will  ask you to be in prayer for the souls that still hang in the balance. One soul in particular sat there in the pew, tears streaming down a face with an expression I know all too well.  The expression of a soul struggling to completely surrender to the Savior. I don't know the name attached to that soul but I felt led to plead with that soul to surrender it all. I pray before that soul, lay their head on their pillow last night, that all was settled in Heaven and on Earth. Will you please pray with me for that one?

The pastor came to me after the service, he said "little lady, there is an anointing all over you. You can just see God's hand all over you and He has something big for you to do."  Overwhelmed...thank You Father for allowing me to be Your hands, feet and voice. 

I know that this has been another very long entry.  I apologize and I don't apologize. My Father showed my His  presence, His love and His mercy today. He reminded me of his promises to me and His purpose for me. He reminded me that He is orchestrating my life and His hand is on me.  To God be the Glory! 

This is for someone else today. He has you too. He has given you promises. He has rescued you from the deep, dark pit or the miry clay. Maybe you have not felt His presence lately, maybe it feels He does not hear your prayers. Maybe it feels He has forgotten you. 
My friend let me assure you He is there. Look for him in the smallest of places, the shortest of conversations, in the middle of your despair, in the fiery furnace with you, in silent sweetness of the morning hour. Let His love and grace and mercy, His goodness and His faithfulness overwhelm you today.

But may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world! Galatians  6:14 

Who am I that He is mindful of me? I am overwhelmed...

My music today is from a sweet friend of mine. John Jeffrey is the piano player for the Bowling family. His talent is incredible and he works hard for the Kingdom of Christ. He will always hold a special place in my heart, I am blessed to know him.  

The Terrible Danger of Wasted Potential

I am fully convinced that most days God spends His time shaking His head in disbelief, laughing at our audacity or grieving over our lack of obedience. He must frequently find us a source of comic relief and disappointment.

If anyone were truly born with a silver spoon in their mouth, it would be Solomon. Even in this, there  was not enough. In Solomon's home there were no silver spoons. His family and friends, vast as the number be, dined day in and day out on platters and plates of purest gold.  There was no luxury He did not possess, known to the world at his time. The king would frequently send voyages of explorers out to find the rarest of treasures known to man. Under his ruling, David's fortune was multiplied time and again.

Solomon received not only his father's vast fortune but he was a horse trader. He received the equivalent each year of 1 billion dollars in income. Suffice it to say, the man had it pretty good.

Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?” (1 Kings 3:9)  

Don't you know it thrilled the Father when Solomon asked this request? Can't you just imagine that the Father said "finally, someone gets it". 

Now, we believe in a sovereign God, One who has seen all there is to see from the beginning of time, but don't you ever wonder, does God look at us and think, "maybe this one will surprise me"? Somehow, I think He holds out hope that just maybe one of we feeble creatures, will exercise our free will and just surprise Him, in a good way. My friend Lee tells me frequently "nothing takes the Lord by surprise". He has a favorite quote, "there is no panic button in Heaven"  He says God, Jesus and Holy Spirit are not up there in Heaven going, "oh no!" "did you see what Shannon did, we have to go fix that!"  

Did you you notice the reason for Solomon's request? So that he might be able to discern between good and evil to govern the people. Thankfully, today, we as believers have that same knowledge available to us on a daily basis. Through scripture and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have the same knowledge of Solomon. 

An individual was privy to a gathering in a church not long ago. The person reported of a leader who portrayed a satirical character. This character was supposed to be a humorous way to get a point across, however what my friend did not know is that I already knew about "the show". The "church leader",  is known for controlling the church members with the fear that they will be the next person characterized in this "show". This same satirical character comes out anytime someone "needs to be taught a lesson". My friend knew something was not right about this, what they did not know was this was evidence of the Jezebel spirit.

Yes, I said it! This is exactly what this is. This is manipulation, plain and simple. A manifestation of a spirit that sadly controls far too many churches these days. 

A couple of days ago a friend and fellow writer published a piece on church hurt. The type of manipulation and lying spirit that is controlling the church I spoke of earlier is in hundreds of thousands of churches large and small across the world. Gifted individuals who may have once had an anointing on them have fallen prey to evil and wicked spirits and now command them to their own agendas. There are people we naturally want to believe, your pastor and staff are some of those. But when a person takes a minute piece of the truth and twists it and turns it until it is unrecognizable, that is witchcraft. 

Galatians 5:19-21  “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."


Do not confuse God's silence with His approval. He will only tolerate such behaviors for so long. I know , He tolerated far less from me for much less time. He will send his children warnings from the Holy Spirit and if we are wise we will heed to that warning. 

There was one problem with Solomon's request, while asking for wisdom to govern the people, he did not ask for wisdom to govern himself. On the day of the consecration of the temple, there was a party to top all parties. The whole of the land was there for the dedication. Solomon was at the top of his game. He was king during the most glorious period of growth and profit for the children of Israel. This day was the pentacle and the pivot for his reign. 

On this day too, God chose to warn Solomon not to get too full of himself or to get careless. You see, part of the problem with a little power is it goes a long way. There was not a greater king than Solomon in all the history of history. His kingdom rivaled that of the pharaohs. He had riches, power, land, and wives and concubines in excess. So what was the problem you may say?

Lust, pride, greed...call it what you will. In asking for all that wisdom, he forgot to ask how to use it. Solomon's lust for extravagance had led him to take wife after wife, even those who practiced idol worship and witchcraft. These pagan gods were still being worshiped and God himself had warned Solomon to be careful of being influenced by this idolatry when Solomon chose to take these extra wives. 

Free will can be both a curse and a blessing. So can the teaching of Grace without repentance. You see many times God will allow us to follow our own course, even when the Holy Spirit urges us to choose the better path. God allows it but that does not mean that He honors it. Why?

Because the better path will ALWAYS lead to Glory for the Lord and not ourselves. The path of righteousness will ALWAYS align with HIS word and will and not our own.  

Solomon had EVERYTHING any human could possibly desire and yet in the end he spoke these words in reflection of all that he had learned after tasting all that his fleshly desires craved.: 

Ecclesiastes 7:25 I tried to understand, examine, and comprehend the role of wisdom in the scheme of things, and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the insanity of folly. 7:26 I discovered this: More bitter than death is the kind of woman who is like a hunter’s snare; her heart is like a hunter’s net and her hands are like prison chains. The man who pleases God escapes her, but the sinner is captured by her. 7:27 The Teacher says: I discovered this while trying to discover the scheme of things, item by item. 7:28 What I have continually sought, I have not found; I have found only one upright man among a thousand, but I have not found one upright woman among all of them. 7:29 This alone have I discovered: God made humankind upright, but they have sought many evil schemes.

One, at this point, would wish to ask Solomon "WAS it really worth it?" You see, Solomon had found favor in God's eyes as a young man. Because of David's murderous actions, David could not build the temple of God and the chore was given to his son Solomon. The prince with the most potential. The child hoped to be the one to finally usher the children of Israel into full reconciliation with Yahweh and yet he could not even heed his own words.

Do not desire her beauty in your heart, Nor let her capture you with her eyelids.26For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, And an adulteress hunts for the precious life. 27Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned? Proverbs 6:25-27

Solomon sold his kingdom for a piece of bread...He turned his heart from Yahweh. He erected temples to worship the gods of his Moabite and Eddomite wives. His kingdom torn from his hands and only a fraction given to his son to ensure the line of David would continue. Wasted potential. 

Solomon was not alone either, many more...Sampson, the rich young ruler, the prodigal's brother, Judas...the Pharisees; each examples of lives anointed for an intended purpose, yet each allowed themselves to succumb to temptation though each knew where their true source of strength lay.

There are many leaders today, like Solomon, who once had the anointing of God. They once had the potential to be mighty warriors for the kingdom of Christ, yet they have chosen to worship at the alter of the gods of pride, lust, manipulation, self-seeking and deceit. 

As Christians, it is our responsibility to empower ourselves with the Holy Spirit and grasp the discernment to protect ourselves from falling under the influence of these (who while only God can judge their souls), the outwardly manifestations do not align with the fruits of the Holy Spirit. If something does not seem right, check it against the word of God. God will NEVER instruct someone to do something, nor will he ever honor something that does not align with His word.

 It is also the responsibility of those of us claiming to be anointed into positions of leadership to seek the face of God daily; to not only seek wisdom but to apply wisdom. It is our responsibility to guard our hearts, to die to self daily and to follow the voice of the Holy Spirit when it nudges our souls to avoid the idols of this world. 

Just as surely as I believe that there will be consequences eventually for our sins here on this Earth, I believe that on the day of judgement there will be answer made for not living to our fullest potential in Christ. God can't minister to or through our masks, He can not bless who we pretend to be. 

The good news, there is nothing God can't redeem, if surrendered by a repentant heart. Its not too late to reach your potential.

Finish Well

 

As we sat down to dinner last evening, my daughter and I were discussing her choices of male companionship in her circle of influence. Mostly we were discussing whom I considered to not be an option for her. One name in particular was called and she asked why. Slipping back into my old ways, I proceeded to tell her that the family for many generations had had many problems, most which included abuse of drugs and a history of violence. She mentioned the mother and said, “well, I like her”. I assured her that I did too but that the father was incredibly unpredictable and volatile. I then made the comment, “she should have left him many years ago.”  My eight year old quickly jumped into the conversation at this point and in true Holy Spirit fashion, my son uttered the words that placed me under incredible conviction; “Mama, you’re not supposed to get rid of people.” 

Ouch!!! Out of the mouths of babes…the Holy Spirit sometimes speaks. I had to humble myself at that point. My reply, “I’m sorry son, you are right. People are not paper plates. We just can’t throw them away.” 

You see my kids and I know what it feels like to be paper plate people. My little one, with his old man wisdom, is affected the least by this “syndrome”. My daughter understands this feeling more. It weighs her down and I have seen this bright, precocious child become withdrawn and guarded. Now don’t get me wrong, she has never been a “little Miss Mary Sunshine” and she was never one to take easily to new people, but now she distances herself even more than usual. On a positive note, this has kept her from getting into many of the typical teenage troublesome situations and has brought she and I closer, I believe. 

It is my oldest child that I worry most about, right now.  Next week may be another story.  Right now my oldest seems to be going through that part of the grieving process that the three of us left at home have already gone through and while every day is a different struggle, the two younger children and myself, seem to finally be seeing some joy again. 

What many do not know is that my oldest child has felt the sting of abandonment his whole life. His biological father abandoned us a month before his birth. He made the obligatory appearance to the delivery room, inebriated. Missing every part of the twelve hour labor that Thursday, except the actual birth,  he left immediately after delivery to take my car and his girlfriend to a town just a few miles away for the rest of the weekend on a romantic getaway at a bed and breakfast.  He returned to the hospital the following day with his mother and left as soon as she did. Two days later on Mother’s day, after having to contact the B & B where he was staying to let him know we were finally being released, he appeared hours later to drive us home to the deceptively perfect house at the lake, where once again he left us to return to the alcohol, drugs and other women.  There in our two story prison, a scared, inadequate young mother and the four week early, small ginger haired infant began our walk together.  His father returned for one month, then disappeared again, leaving behind divorce papers and a trail of heartache and debt. 

I married again when my son was only three. This man became the father my son had always longed for, the father that he (…we) thought would be the glue that held us all together. When my husband left in the fall of 2012, my son was already on his own and he did not feel the immediate impact.  My first born began making his own plans and building his own life and had much to occupy his waking hours. Only now with all of the preparation out of the way and the monotony of everyday life, does he finally feel the full brunt of it all, and is having to come to terms with the feeling that once again he has been abandoned.  

 I am not foolish enough to believe that I do not bear some responsibility for his pain, but my son has been gracious. As we sat in the Chic-fil-a in Goodletsville TN last summer eating lunch before my return back to Georgia he said to me “mama, stop apologizing. No one should ever have to apologize as much as you have. The difference in you, is you chose to stay and do the right thing.” 

 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Stay and do the right thing.  These words were a balm to me. You see there was a time when I wanted to run away. In the winter of 2012, at the end of a horrible depression following an emergency hysterectomy, all I wanted to do was escape. Feeling neglected, rejected, unloved and unloveable  the thought to run away from my children, husband and job were almost overwhelming.  If you are a mother, I know that you have those moments where it feels that everyone matters but you.  This is a lie of the enemy that we readily buy into. We place everyone above ourselves and the enemy uses this motherly characteristic to beat us down, divide the ranks and conquer the family. I am so grateful for a God who loved me enough to provide a Holy Spirit to awaken me from my slumber. 

My children look to me now as their absolute North.  It would be so easy to allow the enemy to get into my everyday activities. He has tried to make me bitter and envious. When false accusations, and contempt has come against me, my oldest two children have asked, “mom, why don’t you fight back?” My answer is always. God will fight these battles. 

Right now I know that they, like I, have had their doubts in this God they were raised hearing about , singing about and working in the name of. I am certain that in their eyes too, for just a little while, God got smaller. So if I can do anything for them, it is to restore their trust in our Heavenly Father.

Each child has a particular anointing on their lives and I am claiming and believing that each will walk in the fullness of the Lord’s plan for them. I am claiming and believing that the enemy’s schemes will be thwarted and that every plan raised against their paths will be cast down. I call forth the Holy Spirit in each of them to awaken their souls from slumber and thrust them forth on the path that God has laid for them and bring them into the purpose and plan for which they were born.

When people hear my story, usually the first thing that is said is, “you are such a strong person” to which I immediately reply, it is Christ within me which is strong. I have learned, devastatingly, that I am nothing without Him. I can face nothing without Him and I can withstand nothing without Him. 

He who overcomes will thus be clothed in white garments; and I will not erase his name from the book of life, and I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels. Revelation 3:5

 Twice Joseph finds himself in pit not of his making. First, his brothers place him into a well to until they decide how to deal with him. He is their arrogant little brother and their father's favorite child. Petted and spoiled, he antagonizes jealousy in them, just by being alive.  Joseph's brothers harshly dealt with their little brother, when a good sound beating might have just been sufficient enough to take him down a peg or two. 

Next, to save her own pride and reputation, Potipher's wife falsely accuses Joseph of assaulting her. His punishment? A pit. Fifteen years he awaits beneath the city streets. I have often said that we romanticize the Biblical characters to the point that we take away their humanity. You know Joseph was angry and rightfully so. This last injustice has not only taken the wind out of his sails, but has re-opened the wound of the previous betrayal. Of course he is angry. He is furious! 

In his mind he is replaying everything. "if my brother's had not sold me into slavery then I would not have been in Egypt in the first place" "If"... "if"... "if"... and with every utterance of this two letter word Joseph's rage and hatred and bitterness grows. There is absolutely no way that Joseph walked into those prison walls like he owned the place and said "Thank you Lord for putting me here." Sorry to disappoint you, but it just did not happen that way. 

What we get from the Biblical texts are snapshots of his life. What we do not see are the nights he lay awake in that filthy prison, crying out to a God that he is not even sure is listening. A God who he knows could, with but one word, snap the bars of the prison doors to free him yet for some reason chooses to let him remain, until the time is just right. 

I believe there are things working behind the scenes while Joseph is there. Potipher's wife is a wicked and manipulative women, yet even these finally have their day. I believe her true character was finally revealed during Joseph's time in the pit.

When he is once again restored to an even more powerful position (that is the favor of God) Joseph still struggles with his fleshly feelings of anger and resentment. If he had been the man we perceive him as, he would have hastened to his brothers that day and hugged them and forgiven them and told them they were right to throw him into the pit and there would have been a big celebration and .......but he did not. He payed them back just a little bit. 

By the time of famine, another son had been born to Jacob and while he could not take the place of Joseph in his father's heart, Benjamin had become their father's favorite. The older brothers had lived with their guilt for so long Joseph recognized how it had worn them down. He could have said "I am your brother Joseph, Go and get our father." But he didn't. He falsely accused them and imprisoned them for three days.  After three days in the very same prison where Joseph had spent fifteen years, the brothers were humbled and ready to agree to what ever Joseph commanded. The order was given that nine would return to feed the family and collect their belongings only to return to Egypt with the entire tribe. Simeon would become the bargaining tool. A brother for a brother.

The brothers then began to turn upon one another, throwing accusations and lamenting the actions against Joseph from years past. Only then did God prick Joseph's heart. He wept at the sight of the true remorse and Godly sorrow of his brothers. 

So the nine brothers returned with their youngest brother and father, the family was reunited and they all lived happily ever after. Joseph finished well.

In the last few months I have faced my mortality more than ever before. I have friends, my age, that have walked the Valley of the Shadow of Death.  Death has called my name as well in the last few years. I have wrestled with my faults, my short comings, my fears and my failures. I have had to look at myself in the mirror of the Savior’s reflection and take an account of myself.  And repent…a lot! Obedience is the hardest job we mere mortals will ever face. Yet it is the one thing required of us.

In re-evaluating my life in the light of all that the Holy Spirit has shown me, the question looms in front of me…what now? 

Well, now I get up every morning and try to be the hands, feet and face of Jesus. I will do my best to show them, in the last half of my life,  that despite your beginnings you can change and that God uses us no matter what our age or circumstances. I want them to see me in this next phase of life, love people and serve them,  both lowly and lofty.  I want to live so that my children can see that even a mother with shortcomings such as I can be transformed by the grace and mercy of a just God. I wish to restore their faith that even though there are some things that God cannot do there is nothing He would not do; to show my children that I trust this God who unlike mortal man, never disappoints.  I want to show my children how to climb back out of that pit and that despite how we got there, whether through our own devices or being shoved into the dark recesses by the actions of others, that there is a Savior who sees us in that pit and there is a God who redeems us from every horrible and devastating situation we have ever faced.

I do not hide my flesh from my children. They see every tear I cry. They know how every injustice angers me. Yet in my anger I do my best to not sin, I do the very best to leave it in the hands of a Savior who, when all is said and done will show me favor somehow in the sight of my enemy. He has promised me that. 

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24

 

When my last breath is drawn and my eyes close in the sweet slumber of death, when I awaken to my Savior's face and hear his words,"Well done, my good and faithful servant..enter in",  I hope that He will grant me the opportunity to see through time and space. I would like to look down upon my children. It would be my desire to hear the intimate conversation of these brothers and sister as they recall the woman that God transformed me into. My goal in life is simple now. On that day I want to hear my children say three things:

 "She, (in the power of Christ), was the strongest person we knew."

 "She loved."

 "She finished well."

Then as the portals of Heaven close... I can enter into my rest.

Homeward Bound-Kristene Mueller

Sun Stand Still Prayers

I love the sun. I do. I have always been a summer time kind of girl. I love the beach. Today was a beautiful day. I got out on the beach around 10 with my daughter. We have been on a much needed mini vacation. We've come down to the Atlantic coast of Florida for her belated birthday gift. This is what she wanted. Time away.

Thanks to my sweet friend we have had a perfect little cottage to spend the weekend in. Perfect for just the two of us.

Around two my daughter had had enough and I brought her back to the cottage then, having gotten enough sun, I changed into a t-shirt and shorts and went back out onto the beach alone. I sat there in my beach chair, reading my book written by my friend Kathy Hannah. Her story has some incredible similarities to mine. Two of her chapters were almost more than I can bear.

Today is my youngest son's birthday. Today is difficult. Today I sit here in one of my favorite places, a beach chair in the sun on a sandy beach, but just a few short years ago this day would have been so different. Instead of a beach on the Atlantic, it would have been the white sand of the gulf. Instead of being here alone there would have been a house full of people. Instead of my son being 348 miles from me he would have been playing in the surf at my feet. Instead of him celebrating his birthday with his parents together, he now has to have a gathering with separate parents on separate days.

Life is not fair. There I said it. It's not. I look around me and wonder...how did I get here? To this place. 47, alone on a beach in Florida. In my chair with a book, written by a person who randomly became a friend, watching other people's children play, but not mine. Life is not fair.

I glance at my Facebook page every now and then. I see a post from my friend Sheila. I was there when she married her husband Allen. I was there when their first daughter Heather was born. We were so young back then. Then odds were against them then, the odds are against them now. Allen has cancer. It is taking its toil on him. He is only 48. He has small grandchildren who adore him. He and Sheila are finally to a point in life where they could be enjoying their lives, but this stupid disease has viciously attacked his body. He has his good days and his bad days, today is a bad one. Life is not fair.

My friend Tara battles cancer daily also. Just short of two years ago, we were comparing notes almost daily of the workout routines that she and I were participating in. She had begun to run a couple of miles a day until suddenly she gets a compression fracture. She had an adorable 11 year old. She had just begun a great new career. She was working on getting healthy and fit. It seemed she had it all, until she got pneumonia that turned out to be cancer. Ovarian cancer. The doctors have been kind but they have not been encouraging. Life is not fair.

Nicole  was born with Cystic Fibrosis. Nicole is married to my cousin Shawn. She is beautiful and smart and has the sweetest personality of anyone you will ever meet. She gets up every morning to a daily routine that cannot waiver. It could mean her life. She has by far outlived her life expectancy by decades. At 35, her day is consumed with bags of IVs, machines to loosen the lungs, medications to measure. The slightest respiratory bug and she is at risk. The days of this once lively, vivacious beautiful girl who loves people are now days of isolation. Life is not fair.

My friend, Tony  was just 16 years old when a freak car accident took the life of his young cousin while Tony was behind the wheel. Years later his brother-in-law and then his sister both were gone in an instant at their own hands, leaving Tony to raise his nephews. Four weeks ago,  Tony's nephew Cameron, whom he had raised, who worked as his office manager and spent every day with him, was tragically killed in a car accident. Tony once again is devastated. Life is not fair.

The Sunday before Easter, my children and I walked back through the doors of Liberty Church. My brother greets me and says, "its a good day to be here, the early service was awesome, the message is incredible."
He was right.

The message was just what I needed to hear. Chris Dixon, the pastor spoke on a passage that I have never heard a sermon on before. Sun Stand Still. The text was from Joshua and highlighted the story of Joshua as he battled the Amorites. His army was defeating the enemy, every blow of every sword depleted the numbers and yet there was more battle to fight than there was day left. Joshua knows that if he does not finish the battle today, that the chances of killing the last of the Amorites is not likely. Nightfall will surely allow some to slip away. Joshua prays a prayer of incredible faith and his faith does not waiver.

Then Joshua spoke to the LORD in the day when the LORD delivered up the Amorites before the sons of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel, "O sun, stand still at Gibeon, And O moon in the valley of Aijalon." Joshua 10:12

God honored this faith filled prayer. The sun stood still. The enemy was defeated with the last Amorite falling victim to the sword at what should have bee the midnight hour. 

The day continued, we had our Easter gathering so that my little man could be with us and we went ahead and celebrated his birthday with my side of the family. The sermon from that morning still ringing in my ears, I later googled Sun Stand Still. Little did I know that one of my favorite pastors had done a sermon on this topic and had written a book about it. I. of course ordered the book from Amazon and I am hoping its in my mailbox when I get home. 

The next night after my kids were in bed, I settled down with my devotions. I grabbed my grandfather's Bible. I placed it back on the table then picked it up again. I usually do not read from my grandaddy's Bible, but tonight I feel a need to connect with him. I sit down to my Bible study in Joshua, I'm in the first chapters in my devotions book. I flip the pages through grandaddy's Bible. I find the book of Kings. I stop and I pray, "Father, tonight, could you let me see something that will speak to me in my Gradday's handwriting? My heart is heavy and I just need to hear from him and You."  I gathered several pages between my thumb and forefinger in an attempt to find the first chapter of Joshua. The page opens to the page in the picture above. In my grandfathers script, written sometime between 1968 and 1979, (the Bible was given to him by my Grandmother just a few months after my birthdate in 1968) were the words I needed to see...SUN STAND STILL.

Oh how I love when the Father shows up like this. It is in moments like this that I am assured that he hears me.  Then the flood of shame washes over me. 

You see, I have seen Sun Stand Still moments. I have had Sun Stan Still moments and yet my feeble heart harbors unbelief even still. 

When your doctor tells you that you will never carry children to term, yet you deliver a healthy baby boy, that's a Sun Stand Still moment. When you are told by several physicians that you will never conceive and 13 days later you are expecting, that's a Sun Stand Still moment. When the doctor tells you that your 29 weeker is not going to live and yet he does, that's a Sun Stand Still moment. When the evangelist's wife is scheduled for surgery to remove a brain tumor, and doctors stand in front of an MRI bewildered because moments prior to surgery there is no sign of the cancer, that's a Sun Stand Still moment. When the DFACS agent comes to remove your children from your home based on a false report and they show up at the wrong address that's a Sun Stand Still moment. When there is no way possible for you to make your mortgage payment and a check appears in the box from out of the blue, that is a Sun Stand Still moment. When the Holy Spirit gives three people the discernment to know there is something wrong and their acts of obedience prevent you from taking your own life, that is a Sun Stand Still moment.

1Jn 5:14, 15 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

At least 34 times in the Bible, asking and receiving is addressed. From we have not because ask not to ask, seek and knock. God sometimes requires us to ask of Him.

Tonight friends, I am asking for some Sun Stand Still miracles. Some miracles that can only come about by no other means than a Divine touch from our Heavenly Father. Please pray with me for these I have mentioned. But let's not just pray, let us come boldly before the throne of God, let us ask bold prayers! Let us ask God to do the impossible! Then let us believe that He can and He will. 

You see the one thing that Joshua possessed more so than I, an audacious faith that dared to ask God for the impossible, yes. But also dared to believe that God would do what was asked of him. 

Father,
Tonight I come boldly before your throne. You word says that we have not because we ask not and Father tonight that is not the case. Father tonight I come thanking you that you hear my prayers for miracles and the prayers of all those that read this page. I come thanking you for healing for Allen, Tara and Nicole. I come thanking you for peace for Tony, Steve, Sheila and Shawn. I come asking you for comfort but most of all I come before you now, knowing that you are the God who sees us. You are the God who formed each of us in our mother's wombs. You Father, own the cattle on a thousand hills and there is nothing too hard for you. So tonight Father I humbly and boldly in reverence and awe ask you for miracles that only You may get the Glory for. I ask that doctors be astonished, bodies be made whole, lungs like new,  cancer not just in remission, but completely gone. Lives changed and families restored for Your Glory. I thank you Father that you hear our cries. I thank you that is your great desire to lavish good things upon your children. I thank you for the testimonies that will come from these miracles and I thank you for the souls that will be saved for your kingdom as a result. I praise you and thank you for your Glorious victory over death and Hell. I thank you for the blood of your son, Jesus Christ and it is in HIS name alone that I ask all these things.

Amen.

Tonight, instead of my usual song, I leave you with a sermon by Steven Furtick, pastor of Elevation Church, entitled Sun Stan Still. It is lengthy but it is so worth the listen.

I Have Seen Him!

"I have seen him!" The words Mary called to the disciples as she ran to retrieve them that morning after discovering the empty tomb. If Mary were a country girl, she would have "hollered". There is a difference, hollering implies an urgency. We southern children understand the difference and if your mama throws your middle and last name in, well...let's just say things went from urgent to real!

It is the morning after Sabbath. Mary (being the good little Jewish girl she now was) had, with others, no doubt spent a very long Sabbath mourning the horrible execution of her beloved Rabbi. She with her own eyes had witnessed the mockery of a trial, the public flogging that left him horrendously disfigured, and the public humiliation of the journey down the Via Dolorosa. She and just a small handful of women with the disciple John, were the only of his followers to witness the nails being driven into his hands and feet, the brutal cruelty afforded him on the cross. She heard his last words "it is finished" and saw the sword at the hand of the Roman Centurion as it pierced his lifeless body.

She remained while his body was removed in haste to be laid in the borrowed tomb before the beginning of the Sabbath. She was there when the stone was rolled in front of the tomb and the waxen seal was placed upon the stone affixed with the signet of the supervising guard to ensure that the orders given had been carried out and that the body of the one believed to be the Messiah had been securely placed inside.

It was a hopeless situation. Her eyes had seen the death of her closest confidant. In the natural she had seen the death to her hopes, her dreams, everything she now put stock in. Her ears had heard the words "it is finished"; don't you know in her grief she believed that Christ meant "its over" and that in her mind she thought, "I have believed for nothing." Don't you know that she lamented, "if he could not save himself, how can he save me?"

So often we place a superhero's persona on the disciples, male and female alike. We forget that they too were just mere mortals as we are. It is easy to place this expectation on them; that they would not have the same thoughts, feelings, fears, joys and sorrows as we do...but, they did. Not only were their human personalities and characteristics the same, but they faced the same enemy, that would have encouraged those doubts and fears. The same enemy that speaks fear into our minds, would no  doubt have had a field day with the disciples. These were the very men and women who walked with him, talked with him, sat at his side, witnessed the miracles and yet each one miserably failed him in some way. Even sweet Mary, who just minutes before at the mouth of the tomb in tears, asked the resurrected Savior, "where have they taken my Lord?', forgetting all that he had taught her and the events that he had no doubt rehearsed with them for quite sometime.

How many times in my life have I too felt like this? When my marriage ended in 2013, it was so easy to forget the promises of God. All that my human eyes could see was destruction and my world crumbling. All my human heart could feel was sorrow and loss and rejection. All that my soul could do was take one breath at a time.

I had been in church for over twenty years, even as a small child I had enough head knowledge to know that God was in control and that His plans were for my good, ultimately. I could not quote scripture to you but I could paraphrase every scripture of prosperity and promise for His children. You know the feel good scriptures. And I am by no means mocking nor limiting what God can do.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

 'Teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”Matthew 28:20

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22

But if you have ever been in that place where it seems like EVERYTHING you knew to be true, EVERYTHING you thought would last, EVERYTHING you built your hopes and dreams on is taken away in an instant, then you know what Mary felt that morning. For 24 hours she has wandered, walked, cried to a God who seemed to have not heard her prayers. A God that she is not sure even exists at this point. If you have ever been here, you know what I'm talking about.

In those first few moments, I screamed out to this God I had held to, whose voice I had heard myself, "Why?!?"  and even begged him "If you are a merciful God, let me go to sleep and never wake again". In the months to follow the enemy spoke confusion and doubt, "Surely a good God would not have allowed this.", "If there is a God, He must not care for you or He would change this"  Frankly, there were many moments like this over the last few years. One thing about the enemy, He is a persistent fellow.

It would have been easy for Mary to just walk away that morning in defeat, but she held to the hope in the words she remembered her Master say.  Jesus had prepared his disciples for his death and resurrection. He had told them exactly how it would come about. They had seen him perform miracle after miracle, everything he had told them had to come to pass, yet now when they needed to cling to his words the most, their hearts were heavy with the sorrow of doubt and what they saw in the natural was what they believed.

Mary knew him. She knew what He had done for her, to her, the sin that He had rescued her from, the promise that He had made her. Yet she had lost hope. Until....He spoke her name.

You see, I too knew all He had done for me. I knew the depths of the sin He had rescued me from. I knew the promises He had made me, yet I had lost hope. My eyes could not see.  Until....He spoke my name.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

If there were nothing else that He had done for me...this would be enough.

But I have seen Him, in the face of my children whom the doctors said would never exist. I have seen him in the friend who took my child shopping when I had no money. I have seen Him in the one that helped me move when my children and I had to relocate so quickly. I have seen Him in the sunrise and sunset, even on the days that I would rather have not gotten out of bed. I have seen Him in prayer warriors who have prayed for me and my children. I have seen Him in the random person who would have come into my life in no other way than His orchestration. I have seen how He made such a change in me; not me, but Him and I will never be the same.

And after all this, I feel a sense of urgency myself. I must go tell someone, everyone...I have seen Jesus.