From one little snowflake, a mighty avalanche grows.

Oh, wash yourselves! Be clean! Let me no longer see you doing all these wicked things; quit your evil ways.  Learn to do good, to be fair, and to help the poor, the fatherless, and widows.

Come, let’s talk this over, says the Lord; no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool!  If you will only let me help you, if you will only obey, then I will make you rich!  But if you keep on turning your backs and refusing to listen to me, you will be killed by your enemies; I, the Lord, have spoken. Isaiah 1:16-20

I have never been one to be a big collector of themed items. Okay, there was the unfortunate unicorn phase of the 80s and the cliche Gone With the Wind phase of the 90s, but in my defense, it wasn't really me collecting them, most were gifts from people who knew I liked them. So it has never been my practice to really create themed Christmas decor.

 My kids have usually had their favorite things on their trees. John Paul had the GA Bulldog tree for a while, Chrissi's tree was a mixture of the obligatory girlie Barbie, Disney Princesses and Wizard of Oz. Stanley Chris has always loved wild life and then there was the tree of hunting and fishing decor in the upstairs living room in our old house. For the most part, however, Christmas decor was a mixture of what ever shiny object, bauble or ball caught my attention.

 For the last four years, I'll just be honest, if I had not had small children, I would have skipped Christmas and hopped a plane to the nearest warm climate at 3:45 on the last day of school before Christmas break, only to return the night before the first day of school in January with a nice tan.

This year my children  and I have finally begun to get into the spirit of decorating again. And I must make another confession, I have overspent incredibly this year on new Christmas decor. I hang my head in shame (insert shameless snicker here) somehow I do not know that we will ever be able to unwrap the treasured yet painful memories of Christmases past in the form of delicate ornaments that were collected for 20 years. The stories collected with them are bittersweet reminders of empty spaces and empty places that may never be filled again.

I began my morning as I often do on Saturdays and days off. A cup of coffee, a fire in the fireplace and my devotions. I go to my social media and visit the devotional pages I frequent there as well. My friend Troy Davis has posted a good word this morning (I always enjoy reading his posts and those of his wife Shannon. There is much truth, learned the hard way, as mine was, in their posts)

This morning Troy is discussing the little sins. I sit here in the early morning and my heart and mind begins to ponder his words. I look around my dimly lit little living room, the one that I would not even possess if it had not been for those little sins. (you can scratch your head here, I promise I will get to the point in a moment) Here in this cozy little space we are decorated for Christmas. Hanging from the tree and from the mantle this year, we once again have a theme, purely unintentional I promise, yet a significant life lesson.

The theme this year? Snowflakes

So now you may ask, "what do snowflakes and sin have in common?" I'm so glad you asked.

Troy's post was on how even a "little sin" can separate us from God and how sinful patterns are dangerous.

Now if you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a cold weather girl, but I do love a good snowfall. For about a day, then I'm over it. But.... did you know that it is estimated that there are over 1 billion crystals in a cubic foot of snow? That's a lot of ice....Brrrrrrrr!

My northern friends know just how dangerous cubic foot after cubic foot of the beautiful, fluffy white layers of ice can be. In March of 1973 and 1994, we here in central Georgia experienced a relatively small experience of what an accumulation of snow can do. For days our worlds came to a stand still as we all stood in wonder, trying to figure out how to get out of this mess we were in.

So it is with the sin that so often separates us from our Heavenly Father. Often times it begins with something that may not even appear to be sin or something we can easily justify and rationalize away, yet left unrepented it can escalate into an unrecognizable and overwhelming situation before we know it. We can find ourselves in situations that we would never have thought ourselves capable of. The enemy's plan is complete in one small act of disobedience.

Our enemy has one purpose, that is to destroy the Kingdom of Christ and he does this one person, one family, one church at a time. As we look around in the media and even in the pews of our churches, where families once filled the empty seats, it would be easy to believe that the enemy is winning.

I fully believe that those of us who have had a true salvation experience with Christ are granted the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and I believe that He  will warn and convict us at the thought of any "tiny sin" that may open the door for destruction and damage down the road. The enemy of our souls does his best to speak lies to our circumstances and all he has to do is great doubt.

The very first sin began in this way. In Genesis we have all heard the story of the fall since childhood. Even the unbeliever is familiar with the story of Eve and the serpent. God had commanded Adam to eat of all the trees of the garden with the exception of one. There are over 2500 known species of fruit bearing tree in the world today, so it is safe to assume that each would have been present at the creation of the the Earth. Adam as the head of his home has passed this knowledge to his wife Eve. Each have been told that surely they will die if they partake of this tree, never understanding that death would not be immediate, but eventual.

In John Bevere's book Good or God, he delves into the truth that often times sin appears to us as something good and that our enemy presents sin wrap in a pretty package, a possibility of all that we think we desire and doubt begins to form. We begin to trust our own judgement and latch on to what we deem as good, while what we really need to do is wait for God's best.

This one event sent the couple, who walked daily with God himself, (the only two mortals to have been granted the earthly privilege of looking into his face) spiraling into the very first family mini drama. Think about it, The Kardasians had nothing on this family, Genoa City couldn't hold a candle to the land just outside the Garden. Eve, the first "Real Housewife" began a landslide for her family, and the rest of mankind, that could easily have been avoided. One generation later and we see greed, envy, murder, and deceit enter into the world and so it has been ever since.

One tiny sin...pride. The tiny sin that can separate us all from the Father. The sin that leads to all others. In this one moment, Eve thought she knew better than God and in the moments when we choose to ignore the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit, we are saying in essence that we know better than God and we are willing to accept temporary good in the place of His plan.

I have seen this play out in my life all too painfully and it is with deep regret that I would beg the reader standing on the edge of decision to heed the nudging of the Holy Spirit to turn from, confess, repent this tiny sin that like one small snowflake can accumulate, easily and inevitably, until you are left standing blindly in a blizzard of sin, shivering in the cold recognition that you do not know exactly how you got here in this place so far from the promise. One tiny sin can begin a storm that leaves you trembling hopelessly, stumbling in hapless direction, aimlessly make one more poor decision after another until it seems that all hope is lost.

Pile one blizzard onto another and another. Add a hillside and one small catalyst and you will have an avalanche. One tiny sin can lead to an avalanche of sins that leaves us unrecognizable, can change us in ways we never thought. Can alter our landscape until it seems our story is nonredeemable.

In 1962 , the largest avalanche ever recorded occurred in the country of Peru. The ice cap of a mountain, Huascaran, Peru's highest summit at 6768 meters, broke away creating an avalanche that dropped 13,900 feet. It traveled for 9 miles until it reached a tiny town of 6000. Rescuers searched for days in the devastation only to find body after body. The landscape changed for ever. All signs of life gone in an instant. There were no survivors.

I think back to a movie that I once saw, One of the Love's Journey movies. In the scene, a violent and sudden blizzard begins while Marty, the heroine of the movie is out on a bluff praying. In the scene, though she is not far from the warmth of her own cabin, the snowflakes are circling, whirling crazily around her to the point that she cannot even see inches in front of her. She has lost her way in the circumstances. Her husband has gone out to search for her and he too becomes lost in the thick white mass of ice hanging in the air. Realizing that her parents are not coming back quickly the daughter goes to the cabin door and begins banging on a pot, giving them a point to focus on in the blinding blizzard so that they may reach home safely again.

One thing the enemy never counted on....generations later, the Son of God, who had been there at the time of creation, came to Earth as redemption's plan. The babe lying in a manger, whose sole purpose was and is to redeem the lost. To right the wrong. To shepherd His own to eternal life with Him.


This is not your warm fuzzy, feel good Christmas blog, just a sincere plea from one who has personally experienced the devastation of one tiny sin. My landscape forever changed by the choices of myself and others. As we begin this holiday season, if this is you this season dear friend. If you find yourself on the edge of a decision that the enemy is telling you is okay. If you have settled for the world's good instead of God's best. If you find yourself stumbling blindly in the midst of a storm caused by one tiny sin, I urge you to find your focus. Heed the voice of the Holy Spirit, surrender it to Jesus. Let Him lead you back home.

Chris Tomlin- Come Home Running

Just Get Me To Jesus!

It was a Thursday night. I don't normally sing on Thursday nights. Sometimes we practice on Thursdays, but we usually do not do a concert. Between work, and homework, dinner and baths, weekdays are all too hectic to do many concerts on a week night. As I drove to the church, miles from my new home, I was tired and worn from a day of work and from arguing with my teenager over the time of curfew on this particular night, as it was a homecoming night at school and apparently there were houses to be rolled. (BTW, whoever got mine, I know where you go to school...I probably know where you live, lol)

Rain had set in about 4:30 this afternoon. Not a downpour, but enough to be inconvenient. I don't know about you but I equate a rainy evening with my sweatpants, a ponytail and a comfy chair. So, if you get my drift...I really wasn't feelin' it.

Don't get me wrong, I love singing for the Lord's purpose, but this night I just had so many things on my mind, and heart and agenda. One thing that did make me grumble a little less was that this concert was a fundraiser for a young girl whom we have known since she and my oldest were kindergarten classmates. They may or may not have even been grade school sweethearts at one time. I have worked with her dad and her mom is my banker. This young lady, at the tender age of 23 has been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. So that night we did not only sing for the Glory of the Lord, but to raise money to help Rachel with her medical bills.

The sing went a little over the allotted time. It's hard to gauge a person's reactions sometimes. Sometimes it shows all over their faces. There are those that you know just love it. They are the ones, smiling, clapping, maybe singing along. There are those you are sure are only there out of a since of responsibility or perhaps they lost a bet, who knows, but their demeanor is of one less than enthusiasm. Then there are those that you just cannot gauge at all.

There was this one elderly gentleman in the crowd tonight. Many times he leaned over and spoke to the lady next to him. One minute it appeared he was not enjoying himself and then the next he appeared to immensely enjoy what he heard. He was hard to read.

Usually when singing or speaking, I will pick out faces on both sides of the center aisle. I'll look for the person who is smiling, or crying or who when my eyes land on their eyes, the Holy Spirit nudges and gently says "this one".  There have been times that I take the hardest looking face in the room and will bring my gaze back to that one individual to see if my smile will make them smile. Sometimes, I'm successful, sometimes it is futile effort.

Two verses and a chorus of Just As I Am then ending with One More River to Cross, I returned to my seat to help my eight year old clean up his Legos and prepare for the ride home. I feel a body sit down next to mine and the next thing I feel is a hand over mine and a whisper at my ear. "Young Lady, are you spirit filled?"

It is the elderly gentleman. My singing didn't run him off after all. Now, I will admit, this is not a question that I get very often, but it does come up more now than ever.

You see, I've been doing this singing thing for quite a while. For many years, my husband and I had a group. We were quite popular in our area, probably one of the most popular and most used groups in our area. We had even branched out into South Carolina, Tennessee and Florida. I do not say that boasting in myself, but only in the Lord. We had a good following.

We were incredibly blessed, incredibly arrogant and incredibly misleading. Oh, there was a time when our efforts were well-intentioned and pure. There was a time when we believed it was all about Jesus, but there was also a time that it became about men's acclaim and notoriety. We sang of this Jesus, we served in His name, but we really did not know Him, and while we fooled ourselves we could not fool the enemy of our souls and he used this fact to steal, kill and destroy our family.

So when this gentleman asks me this, I simply say, "yes sir". Now, here is the hard part. He then asks me how frequent had it been. The Lord keeps me humble by presenting  me opportunity to share my testimony. It is a story of victory through and by the blood of Jesus, but at the same time it is a story of regret that is my cross to bear.

In March of 2012, the Holy Spirit had been dealing with me for a couple of months, but it was at this point that I completely surrendered everything to him. From that point on, my transformation began.

When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God’s word to them, four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “My child, your sins are forgiven.” Mark 2:1-5

In the days this story was occurring, it was customary for housing to be built of clay, brick and mortar. We tend to consider any ancient structures to have thatch roofs or makeshift walls, but this was not the case. The same handmade clay bricks would have formed the roof as formed the walls of the house. Tiles would have been aligned over the top to prevent damage and erosion from wind and rain. Understanding this, it is not far-fetched to say that the men dug into no less than a foot of cinder block. 

Now envision this, the paralytic, not being able to transport himself to the roof top, must be carried or raised there by a pulley system to even get him onto the roof. This could have been no less than a major feat of stamina and strength itself and now, they begin to remove tiles of heavy clay. They then begin to chip away at the block and mortar that is this roof. Y'all, that's thicker than a paved road! 

These men are desperate! They have to get their friend to Jesus! 

In the Gospels we also read of a woman desperate for healing. She has had an issue of blood for 12 years. Now hold on! I know women who can't get out of the bed 7 days a month, but this woman has had this issue 12 years! Not only is she anemic, but she has subjected herself to every possible medical treatment that money can buy and you know, there was no anesthesia back then, no epidural, no laparoscopic surgery. This woman has not only suffered from her disease, but she has also suffered from her cure. As one that has had to overcome many medical obstacles myself, I can testify that sometimes the cure itself is worse than the thing you are trying to cure.

But that is not all, she does not even live in the town where she finds Jesus, so she has had to travel in her weak and unhealthy state. Once she finally gets into the general vicinity of he and his followers, the area is incredibly crowded. The accounts say she "pressed" through the crowds. In my mind, I see her making intentional, deliberate, desperate and enormous effort to get to where he is. "if I could just touch but the hem of his garment". 

Do you get what she is saying? She is so desperate, that she believes that He doesn't have to pray over her or lay hands on her, nor does he have to give her some rote prayer to pray, speak in tongues over her or give her a word. If she could just touch the hem of his garment. The the lowest point of his person. This woman is crawling on the ground, in the midst of this crowd. As if this is not enough, everyone in this town knows who she is and what is wrong with her. The fence row gossips and the synagogue sisters have spread the word, she is not clean.  She would have had to walk through the crowds, crying "unclean" to make those around her who did not know her of her condition aware of her presence. She is risking her own life. 

She also risks the life and the reputation of the Messiah. He is a man on a mission, one that would have officially belong to a Pharisee. He is on the way to bed side of a dying girl. Acting in this capacity he is expected to be clean, pure and yet on his way the hem of his garment is touched by one considered to be unclean. In one desperate act her fingertips brush the lowest part of his person and she is made whole. In this lowly state her actions could easily have been overlooked in the crowd, yet Jesus turns and calls her out. Not to embarrass her but to restore her. Not just physically, but emotionally and he also restores her standing among her peers. When he calls her daughter he restores her reputation in the community. In an instant her desperation has been her deliverance and the one she is desperate for has become her deliverer. Years of shame fall in this moment and finally everything she has lost, been separated from, everything her illness and the enemy took from her are restored. Once again she can touch her children, she can enter her home with her loved ones, she can sit a table with friends, she can enter the courtyard of women to give thanks to the one man, the only man who had the power to bring her peace and wholeness and to take the broken pieces of her life and make them new again. 

Jairus, has summons Jesus to his home. He is a father, desperate to save his child. This desperate father, though, held station in this town. He is described in Luke as the "ruler of the synagogue" and though he is not a priest, it was most likely his job to oversee the business of the local synagogue. As such, the appointment would have fallen to him to keep order in the house of God. In his plea to have Jesus come, he has just committed an incredible act of chaos. The religious rulers have all put imprisoned Christ for speaking in the local temple and in every town he continues to anger the governing body of the temple. His ways are not orthodox and he appears to have no regard for their man made laws and traditions. 

Jairus is a man so desperate for the touch of the Messiah that he is willing to risk his position, his livelihood, his reputation to save his daughter. 

It was in the most desperate situation of my life that the Lord chose to restore me. In my desperation, I reached out for the Lord. It was not easy either. I had my roof to dig through, I had my twelve miles to crawl, I had my reputation on the line.

 I found myself lying on a mat, relying on friends to pray for me and help take care of my family. There were times I had to depend on the prayers of the warriors surrounding me because I could not break through on my own, my faith was just not strong enough.

 I found myself lying in the dust, a broken and bleeding soul crying out desperately to a God that I was not even sure would even  know that I was there. Trampled, unclean, tired, dying inside I just needed one touch, one word...just to hear Him call me daughter again. 

I found myself desperate enough to risk losing everything. Broken, abandoned, willing to be exposed to be healed I lost so much in an instant. With one confession all that I had known was over. Like Jairus, I had no idea if I would ever be able to walk into the temple again and yet the Lord had much more for me. Like Jairus' daughter He raised me from the dead. Years of death slumber erased in a moment of faith. 

It took the greatest tragedy of my life to bring me to honesty with myself, my family and the Holy Spirit. I had to be broken and spilled out to finally surrender to His will. We sing a song most frequently performed by the Issacs. It is entitled Honestly. The message in the song is quite a powerful one. It speaks of that desperation only known to the soul that recognizes that there is no other hope than Jesus. That desperation that I felt not so long ago that this man I had sang of, sang in the name of, was the only hope for my sin sick soul. Battered, broken, deliberately I just had to get to Jesus. I am grateful that He was there waiting for me.How can I say that after all the pain? Because just like the man lowered through the roof, the woman with the issue of blood, Jairus's daughter, my name may never be known throughout the Earth. Yet when I finally dug, crawled, risked getting into His presence I was never the same again. And just as he did for each of these, He called me by another name, one that is written in His book of Life...he called me His child, His daughter.  

The old man recognized nothing about me. He recognized that I had been with Jesus. Is there anything better to be known for? 

So tonight my friend I leave you with a dangerous challenge, it is not one to enter into lightly. It is not a challenge for the meek or faint of heart. I leave you to this, seek His presence now, before you must seek him in desperation. Get honest with yourself and your Savior. Just get to Jesus! You'll be glad you did. 

The newest single from my friends, the Bowling Family featuring Hope: One Glorious Moment of Faith

Lessons from the lowliest of places...

If you ride through my neighborhood, I am the crazy lady bent over the flowerbeds with my hiney up in the air like tacky plywood yard art. As funny as it may seem, I am not trying to be rude to my neighbors or passers by. I do not have an affliction that leaves me doubled over and I have not lost something.

I mean, come on…is there really any pretty way to pull weeds?

When a timber company comes in to clear land and they are not going to replant, they will leave a healthy tree every so far apart to reseed that piece of land naturally and eventually it does it’s job, dispersing seeds that in turn will become seedlings to repopulate the land.  I hate a sapling. There…I said it. I know they are necessary and inevitable, but to me they have come to symbolize sin not dealt with.

The spring that my world began to crumble there was an unusually high pollen count and along with this came an incredible number of saplings. I don’t know, maybe the number was the same as always and I had just never paid attention before. We lived on 90 acres of planted pines and hardwoods. It seemed that everywhere I turned there was another tiny pine popping up from the fertile soil around our house. Small, frail, tufts of green barely breaking through the dark rich ground or peeking through the straw in the flower beds consumed my moments spent out side.

In the months after I confessed my indiscretion and the months after finding out about the affair, during the time when I believed God was working to mend my marriage, God began to speak to me in these little saplings and in the multiple things around the house that needed to be repaired or taken care of. God began to show me how something so small could become so large if not tended to.  

Suddenly these tiny, spraggled tufts of green popping up in every inch of the yard consumed my moments. Every where I walked, like a crazed person, I needed to pluck them from the soil in which they were doing what saplings do…take root.

“Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” Song of Solomon 2:15

Solomon in his wisdom spoke in Songs of Songs, “it is the little foxes that spoil the vineyards” He orders his men to hunt and destroy the foxes and bring them to him. In these little sprouts, barely able to cling to the ground, God showed me how quickly the little sins can take root and grow. I would look into the underbrush that would be burned off soon and God showed me how quickly these invasive little pines could become a mess of ground cover, entangling and snaring those who tried to walk through. How hidden dangers of the venomous snake and spider readily lurked in the disorder and chaos of the volunteer pines and oaks that quickly grew out of control in the unkept areas of the woods surrounding the house and cleared areas.

It was while pulling these small pines that seemed to replenish themselves with two for every one I removed, that God showed me how  the smallest, hidden sin remaining and not covered by grace could easily become out of control and how I had not done my part to cover my family in protection over the relentless pursuit of the enemy so that like this tiny green army, our territory had been invaded.

It was in this, the Holy Spirit showed me how my hidden sins of bitterness and selfishness so easily led me into a pit and how my husband’s seemingly innocent friendship escalated out of control so quickly and soon became a tool the enemy used to steal our joy, kill our marriage and destroy our family. A family once envied lay in shambles, at the feet of those who should have known how to prevent the enemy’s slaughter. A family in full blossom, entrusted with the gifts, talents and anointing of the Father, laid waste by an enemy’s snare that could have been prevented.

When my marriage was over and the children and I moved into town, the house I purchased was a repossession. The inside was a shamble and the yard had to be completely reclaimed.

As if the front hedges being overgrown were not enough, the back fence row had been untouched for years. Small trees, more saplings, weeds of many descriptions grew with wild abandon between my chain link fence and the wooden hurricane fencing that separated my little back yard from that of my neighbor. One of the very first purchases made was that of a hedge trimmer and a chainsaw.

For hours on end I would cut and hack away at the vines intertwined in the links of the metal fencing. Every few inches or so I would clip the thick encroaching vines and then painstakingly pull, tug and unwrap the vines choking this fence until finally after days of monotonous and toilsome labor the fence row was finally free from its captor. Sweat mixed with tears as the Holy Spirit showed me once again a valuable lesson as I ploughed through the work with calloused and bleeding fingers and palms.

With each tendril of vine that must be unwound to release its clutches from the fence, the Holy Spirit showed me a picture of how sin so easily ensnares us if we are not careful.

The vine removed, it was then time to tackle the root. There is no amount of pesticide, round-up or herbicide that will completely kill such parasitic flora, with the root still intact tiny shoots will soon emerge again to grasp and cling to what ever trellis it can find.

As it is with we mere mortals, a sin hidden, covered and unconfessed, be it by pride or shame, allows the enemy to ensnare us once again with tiny tentacles that slowly overtake us until it appears all hope is lost of being free.

When roots are mentioned in the Bible, it is usually in a context of good. We should be rooted in truth, in the Word, however if the root of evil is not dug up or conquered in our lives there is no place for the Word of God to take root. Just as a weed or clinging vine will do, sin not fully surrendered will slowly ensnare us and choke the very breath of life from our spiritual lives.

Once again, I am back in yet another yard. This time I battle oak seedlings. On any given day you will see me bent over the ground, slowly and deliberately pulling the tiny green shoots from the ground until the germinated acorn along with its quickly growing root is out of the ground and into a trash can. Obsessesing,  once again over the smallest of enemies. Trying to fighting tirelessly to remain ahead of the onslaught of  miniscule invaders which, left unattended, will quickly become a volunteer tree, deeply and firmly rooted into a harden ground, where plucking will no longer be the weapon of choice but more drastic tactics will be needed to rid my yard of their unwanted presence.

Again another lesson learned in the seemingly endless amounts of yardwork that comes with home ownership (Oh, how I wish Dublin had Condos that were affordable). We must remain on guard against sin in our lives. We cannot let the enemy get a foothold, we must arm ourselves for Holy battle and remain ever vigilant of the enemy’s tactics. I have heard it said many times in my life that “if the enemy is not fighting you then he has you”. This is so true.

Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

We as the church must begin to teach spiritual warfare. The scriptures warn us that our enemy prowls like a lion, to and fro, seeking whom he may devour. I fully believe the time has come, we must know our enemy.

2 Timothy 3 (ASV)

3  But know this, that in the last days grievous times shall come. ² For men shall be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, haughty, railers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, ³ without natural affection, implacable, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, no lovers of good, ⁴ traitors, headstrong, puffed up, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God;⁵ holding a form of godliness, but having denied the power therefore. From these also turn away. ⁶ For of these are they that creep into houses, and take captive silly women laden with sins, led away by divers lusts,⁷ ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

In 1299, prior to the Mongolian invasion of Europe, the Mongolian officers would often send scouts and spies into the mountainous areas surrounding the training grounds and battlefields of the European armies. Tediously studying the strategies and tactics of the opposing armies, for month on end, leaders such as Batu and Sabutai would infiltrate the European principalities with map makers, they established trade routes. Men would surmise the loyalties of each principality and even change the landscape to ensure swift and expedient demise of the foe. 

We have an enemy that is real. His intent is deliberate, intentional and cunning. That seemingly innocent glance or conversation, the little white lie, the lust hidden deep in the heart. Each a tiny acorn waiting to become a mighty oak. Each a tiny tendril of a clinging vine slipping its tentacles silently and slowly around our hearts and minds until the day of we become ensnared in the full entanglement of sin. 

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 5"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 6"If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned John 15:5-6.

But there is a hope. There is a vine whose name is Jesus. Just as a vingneron grafts vines together for optimal fruit, we are grafted into Christ. He is the vine, we are the branches and in his embrace sin no longer has a death hold on us. Sin holds no condemnation for the heart fully surrendered to Christ. We must remain in Him to bear good fruit. We must abide in Him, for we can do nothing alone and if we abide in Him, He promises to lead, lead guide and direct us on the path that is good and just and leads to everlasting life.

As for me,   I will be pulling oak seedlings from my yard while abide in Him and with each one, I will say prayers of protection for my children, for their hearts, minds and souls to fulfill their purposes in Christ. I will say prayers of protection for my heart, mind and soul, thanking him for another chance to not only do better but to be His watchman on the wall and prevent the enemy from gaining any more ground in my family. I will say prayers for those who have meant to do me harm; that their hearts, minds and souls will align with the will of the Father. I will claim the promises that God has given me and, as I dispose of every unwanted seedling, I will reclaim a little of what the enemy stole from me. 

Yep, that will be me, on the corner lot, hind end turned up, most likely tears in my eyes, thanking God for lessons learned even in the lowest of places.

Abide in Me  Edgar Aguilar

And if not, He is still good...

I am 47. Some would say this is just a number. Some would say it is old, some it is young. To me it is just a day among many. It is a place in time for 365 days of my life. There are days I feel 18 and there are days I feel 80. There are days this life that come easier than others. There are days I'd rather not walk out the door.

 Can I tell you? This life is not what I had planned. Nothing about it resembles the plans I made in my mind years ago. I saw myself in a life, but not this one. I saw myself in a house, but not this one. I saw myself in a family, but not this one. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids with every ounce of my being. Every breath I take is for them, but life has not turned out the way I thought it would.

Three years ago when this journey began, I prayed for, hoped for, begged and believed that there would be a different outcome. Things did not work out according to my plan but He was good. He put people in my path to be His hands and feet here and while they can never replace the one that was lost, there is a bitter sweetness in knowing that had one not left, others would not have come along.

Even a year ago I would have sworn, that I knew God's plan and was finally beginning to see it come to fruition. Once again, things did not turn out the way I thought it were supposed to go. A vision with a prophecy to match. A dream I dared to dream again. And for a moment in time, it made me brave. But sadly it appears, not meant to be.

And if not, He is still good.... Scrolling through Pinterest a few days ago, I saw this in a meme. Something about the phrase hit me between the eyes. It is no secret to those who know me best that the last few months have been more than chaotic and I have been well beyond needing this reminder.

The book of Job has been a place that I spent a lot of time in the last few years. Most of us are very familiar with this story. Job is a man of great righteousness and is regarded by God himself, in highest esteem. The favor of God sat upon Job. He was a wealthy man, well respected among his people. He had land and property, livestock and oil supplies. He was blessed with 10 sons and daughters. When God granted Satan permission to do anything he wished to Job, with the exception of killing him, the old serpent did what he does best, he began to destroy.

Within hours, servants from all throughout Job's land have come trembling in fear with the news that Job has lost everything. His homes, his wealth, his crops, his livestock and his children...all in the blink of an eye, gone. Satan has asked to test one of God's own and Job has been chosen.

Job's friends come to sit among the ashes with him, and yet even in their company, Job finds no solace and comfort. There are times that the company of others can only make us more restless.

Just as familiar as we are with the story of Job's woes, we are also well aware that in the end, everything he lost is replaced and more. Job is found faithful in the eyes of his Father. What the enemy meant for harm, God has used for good.

Joseph's own flesh and blood, put him into a pit and sold him into slavery. Little known to him at the time a plan was put into motion generations before. Instead of being left to die in the pit, he is sold to distant relatives. His captors are Ishmaelites, none other than descendants of the illegitimate son of his grandfather, Abraham.

Years he spent in servitude until one fateful day when the lies of one evil woman take him captive once again. Joseph's story could have ended here. He could have been killed for attempted rape, he could have died in the dungeons of Egypt beneath the city streets he would someday govern for its king. Yet sitting in his prison cell, it appears all has been lost, except Joseph's faith. What his brothers meant for harm, Yaweh redeemed and turned for his good and for the good of the entire nation of Israel.

Daniel is taken into captivity as a young man. In one act, every dream he must have dreamed for himself is taken from him. Forced into a foreign land, he is made a eunuch and placed into service for the king. Through years of service to a king not his own,  Daniel remained faithful to the God of his childhood. He has taught and trained his fellow Israelites and has instilled in them an obedience to Yaweh that has on more than one occasion placed him into harms way. It is this same faith that is within Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when facing their own immortality that has given them the courage to say:

 "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."  Daniel 3:17-18   

It is with these thoughts that I sit tonight, in a town that I did not expect to be in any longer, in a house I did not expect to own, in a life as foreign to my dreams as the adopted lands of Joseph and Daniel.

Over the last few years there have been dreams I've dreamed, there are have been visions I have seen and there have been prophecies spoken over me. Some have come to pass and more have not...yet. All along this journey there have been pits to ensnare me, there have been prisons to prolong me and fiery furnaces to to attempt to take my life. Each and every one put into place by the enemy to bring me harm.

There are still days when the enemy plays with my mind, reminding me of all that I have lost. There are times when the bills need to be paid and one salary is not enough, or both kids still at home need to be in two different directions. Days when the grass needs cutting and all I have is a push mower and something else must be put aside to get it done. Moments when my work day has been less than desirable and there is no one to vent to. There are nights that it would be my hearts desire to have a shoulder to lay my head on and a hand to wipe away my tears.

And what good could has come from all this? Well, there have been lessons learned, people that have become a part of my circle that never would have and opportunities that I never would have had otherwise.

I do not know why God chooses to intervene at times and not at others. I do not know why illnesses are not healed this side of Heaven. I do not know why once Godly people choose to walk their own paths. I cannot fathom the whys, the wheres and the hows of this mortal existence.

I find it hardest to know that He is capable of all things and yet, he gives us free will instead of making us follow his plan. I understand that He wants us to choose to be obedient and to choose to be obedient out of love and not responsibility.  So I can say with Job, "though He slay me, yet I will serve him".

Then Job replied to the Lord:

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’

    Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. 

"You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’

My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. 

Job 42:1-6

For those who do no know my past, it is a story of service for my own benefit and not the benefit of His kingdom. It is the story of a woman who worked in His name but not for His sake. You see, I knew Him but now I have seen Him and though the enemy would do me harm, I will declare " I will not die, but live, and tell of the works of the Lord" Psalm118:17            

 I have seen His miracles. I have been a part of many. A child that was not supposed to be carried to term, one that was not supposed to be conceived and one that was not supposed to live. He has brought me back from the brink of death on at least three occasions. I have seen miracles and I have held them in my hands and like every child of the God I cling to the promise in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

And while it appears that I like so many before me have lost it all, what I have gained has by far outweighed the loss in the scope of eternity. A pharisee, a false prophet and a hypocrite has come to terms with the realization that, while in the eyes of man was I was a good person, I had missed the mark. What mattered most was not within me. For all my good deeds had been just that...deeds. 

It has only been through the deepest pain of my life that the greatest miracle has come. The miracle of a soul in complete surrender to the Lord, willing to be molded and shaped and used by Him for His Glory. I once was lost, but now I'm found.

In my new home there is a wall in my tiny living room. A wall that screams for something.... a wall that is seen every time the room is entered and when I'm lounging in my favorite chair, the one I bought on the day my life changed forever, it is the wall my gaze rests upon. And now I know what will grace this wall. I have asked a friend to make a large pallet sign for me. A sign that will act as a prayer, as a reminder and as a promise. What the enemy meant for my harm, God will turn for good....And if not...He is still good... and I will still serve Him

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly): Sanctus Real

Lord...Help My Unbelief.

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" John 11:40

I sit here in my dimly lit office, I have arrived hours ahead of schedule because this morning I just need some solitude. I'm sure there are those of you who understand. I need to be in place where there is not another task to do and no one knows I'm here yet so there is no knock on my door.

Its been a while since I have written anything. I don't think many have noticed, lol, but I have missed it. So this morning when the words hit, I had to take the time. I have said in the past and this is still true, that during all hours of the day and night, I will most likely have some form of preaching service, seminar or worship service streaming on the TV or computer. When in my office working on reports or filing, I will have a live stream or archive going in the background. I try to continually keep the word washing over me in some form or another. There are days when this comes easy and there are days that I have to make myself do so.

I found that it is in the times that I do not keep my ears full of the Word, that these are the times that the voices are the loudest. Now before you go calling me crazy, or some of you try to have me committed, stop and think. We all have those voices. You know the ones. Sometimes they scream "You can't!", "Give up!", "It's not worth it!".  Sometimes they speak softly and consistently, a constant reminder of every wrong turn, every mistake, every disappointment, every rejection. Screaming loud and long or silently whispering despair, these voice can often drown out the very voice of God, even for a believer.

For me the voices have been constant most of my life. There are three voices from my past that torment my idle thoughts. These voice say that I am not good enough, they say I am unlovable and they say I am a failure. There is a new voice these days as well that taunts me day and night, the voice of the Pharisee.

This morning as is my morning routine, my phone was streaming a broad cast. This morning one of my favorites, Beth Moore, was talking on the scriptures in Mark of the boy whose father has brought him to be healed from demonic possession. Her first words were, "My freedom came from that which nearly killed me." That was it. That was the pebble it took to break the dam. You see I understand that fully.

If you have read my blogs then you know my journey. This bittersweet, intentional journey through the darkest days of my life. A pit and a valley dug by the enemy to destroy me. And you know it nearly did. But this morning came the reminder.

You see,  after years of Pharisaical living, singing, teaching, ministering in the church and other locations the Holy Spirit began to work on me. As I began to slowly awaken from my long, spiritual slumber in my comfortable cocoon of denial and luke-warm living, the enemy recognized the purpose being instilled in me even before I did. In a last ditch effort to destroy my potential, he sends the absolute worst crisis of my life...and it nearly killed me. But God has a plan.

It was during this pit that could have, (almost) taken my life that God showed me once again who HE is and who I am.

I grew up in a doctrine that believed once saved always saved and if you slip, you must not have really been saved. In my twenties I converted to a doctrine that believes that you can lose your salvation by your own choice. I still believe that, but the enemy has taken these two doctrines and even used this to taunt me over the years. That voice for so long told me I could not be assured of my salvation and along this journey Jesus has conquered that voice. Without this painful journey and process I am certain I would still be stuck in that place of uncertainty, constantly wondering if my eternal destination was secure. Constantly fighting a fight that has already been won.

³¹ To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. ³² Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:31-33

A new voice has tried to take its place. A voice that says that if I do not cave in, or give in to the plans of the wicked or condone the actions of the narcissistic personality or "keep my mouth shut" then I " must not really be a Christian". This often comes in the form of a real human voice and I must fight the urge to believe the lie of the enemy through those who choose to be his mouth piece.

There is a voice that has been with me since childhood. This voice says that no matter what I do, it is not good enough. This voice too has a human mouthpiece and has been used many times in 47 years to manipulate my actions and responses. This voice also whispers in innuendo, "you cannot trust yourself" and "no matter what you do you will fail".

Perhaps the loudest of the messages is a choir of voices with a trio at its fore front and the constant siren song is that I am only loveable if I meet the right conditions. These voices too have human form and faces. These, one right after another, from birth to present have taunted me with the idea that I had to be in a constant state of doing and being and performing and that my worth was only tied to obedience to them and performance for them. Rejection, manipulation, denial and abandonment were the tools of the trade and served my captors well. Love was conditional and I did not meet the conditions.

We all have these voices and when the Father begins to unveil his plans to us, these voices will rally. They will do their best to rattle and confuse the believer.

In Mark's passage, the father of the boy says to Jesus, "But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!"Jesus, already frustrated with his disciples over this very issue, firmly says to the man, "'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes." He is not really frustrated with the father. This man has not sat under his teaching for years. This man had no way of knowing, but the disciples did and Jesus is terribly frustrated with them. All along he has told his disciples that they will do even greater miracles than he and yet when this man and this boy come to them, they cannot cast out this demon. 

It was at this point that Beth points out the reason for their inability to perform the task before them. They had just been arguing with the Pharisees. Her statement "Never argue with a Pharisee" hits be right between the eyes. 

You see during this time period that I have not been writing, I have been arguing with Pharisees. Some in my head and some in real life. Distractions. Distractions, real and imagined, sent by the enemy to silence me and keep me from going further to the place where the Father has a plan for me. Even to the point of disobedience. 

The more I argued, the louder the voice got, until I could no longer clearly hear that still small voice. The one that says I am his, I am loved, I am valuable, I have purpose, I can and I will. The one that says  "I have bought you back", the one that says "I have paid for your freedom", the one that says,
"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

So dear friend, this morning I am reminded that the freedom bought  by the blood of Jesus is mine and its time to hike up the boot straps and be who He says I am. It is time to walk in the purpose He has called me to. It is time to shush the voices and stop arguing with the Pharisees and it is time to remember the promises that He has made me and just how far He has brought me though there still seems to be no mountaintop in sight. It is time to take hold of that mustard seed and  to say "Father, I believe, Lord help my unbelief".

Today's video is the Jeff Berry Band's song Prayer

Take Him to the place

6/12/15I saw a post today on a ministerial blog I follow. The post said, and I am paraphrasing here, "don't only show them when you are on the mountain, they need to see that you too go through every day struggles". Well, you are either in luck or cursed. This has been a week of every day struggles. Maybe even several weeks strung together. Our group sings a song called Honestly, the chorus speaks of being so desperate for Jesus that you would even tear the roof off to get to him. This week I have tried my hand at roof tearing.  I have found it difficult to write, this is the third blog that I have started and just can't seem to finish the other two. Normally when I struggle with a topic the Holy Spirit will come in and take over, let's hope that is the case here today.

 Yesterday was hard for me. 

The days that my kids leave me always are. Children should not have to go back and forth between parents, they should not have to leave one to go to another. They should not have to choose whom they live with. This is not the way God intended, this is not His will or His plan. His plan is for both parents to raise the children together. Period. That is all I will say on this, just hear me, if you are contemplating divorce, DON'T DO IT! Momentary selfish acts leave lasting scars on those left wounded in the wake. They will not "get over it", they may learn to cope, but they never get over it.

Last night, sitting at a crossroads, the road to the right would have taken me back to my  house, where boxes and more packing awaited me in the silence of the absence of my children. Chores needing to be completed, laundry needing to be done and quite frankly, it would have been a good night just to go to bed early. This was not to be however.

From deep in the pit of my very being, something called to me to take Him to the place.

"Put Me in remembrance, let us argue our case together; State your cause, that you may be proved right." Isaiah 43:26

When my journey first began, I was listening to TBN one night. There on the stage was Amanda Crabb singing along with her husband Aaron, a song that would become a reminder for me in the years to come that sometimes we need to go back in order to go forward. This for me would become an anthem in the days to come.

In July 2014 I had the pleasure of telling Amanda in person how this song had spoken so much to me in the time that I was standing for my marriage. Attending a music conference while in Nashville job hunting and visiting my friend John, I approached her to tell her how much her testimony that night had meant to me and how much the song had ministered to me in the previous couple of years. Within moments, Aaron and Amanda, being the spirit filled leaders they are, had taken me into their fold and captured a place in my heart. When in Nashville, my kids and I attend their church, a place with a name that drew me like a healing balm and a moth to a flame, Restoring Hope.

As I felt the overwhelming sense of urgency last night to steer my car to the left, I knew that I was about to take God to the place where so much of my walk with him began. I took him to the tabernacle where on a November evening in 1995, I walked the aisle to come back to him in fullness and surrender. I took him to the place where in July of 1997 my husband and I knelt at an altar and prayed for a baby the doctors said would never come.

I took him to the place where in 2001 my husband and I sat on opposite ends of a fallen tree writing love letters to one another during a marriage retreat. To the place where he penned the words that he knew that all he had been through had brought him to me and that he would love me forever.

 I took him to a place where our quartet performed, where we sang in the choir for many years, where we laid many of life's concerns at an alter of grace and mercy. I took him to a place where my oldest son met the Lord many times and made life long friends. I took him to the place where my daughter first spent the night away from home and I took him to the place where my youngest attended his first church service during family camp in June of 2007, just days after being released from the Neonatal Intensive Care unit.

I took him back to the place where in July of 2012, I confessed before a multitude, the horrible sin that had been my portion in the demise of my marriage.  I took him back to the place where in October of 2012 He revealed to me the purpose for my journey and the calling set before me. I took God to the place where I lay my marriage at his feet the day before the final divorce hearing in July of 2013 and told God that I would obey him whatever that meant.

I settled on that grassy knoll where that fallen tree once lay and I took God to the place where all my hopes and dreams had begun and where they all were shattered. I took him to the place where I had found His sanctifying power and where I learned that sometimes despite what God wants, people make poor choices.

And call none your father upon earth; for one is your father, who is in heaven. Matthew  23:9

I considered my self to be a daddy's girl. When my father was home, I felt safe. In my father's arms I felt protected. Last night I needed a God big enough to control this universe but small enough to be my Father,  to come sit beside me and hold me while I cried once again for the broken dreams, torn memories, the sorrow and pain that have never fully left.

Tonight I needed a God big enough to be everywhere. I took God to a hospital room in Birmingham AL and one in Jacksonville FL and a home in Kite GA where impossible odds are being faced, where only He can intervene. I took Him to  places in Cochran GA  and Kite GA where hearts are heavy with the loss of precious loved ones. I took him to  places in Dublin GA where disobedience to him has altered the lives of many, forever leaving scars and changing the courses of the lives of the innocent. I took him to a cruise ship along the coast of Florida where a heavy heart needs the peace that only God can provide. I took him to a home in Old Hickory TN where three small orphans are learning to rebuild with their loving adoptive parents. I took him to a newly established home in Hermitage TN where newlyweds have just begun their journey. I took him to Dublin GA to homes where wives feel neglected and to East Dublin GA where a teenager makes decisions. I took him to Soperton GA where grandparents feel the sting of unfairness and to Las Vegas NV where a father feels the grief of having his only son torn from him. I took him to a place to cover a tender eight year old to protect him from the evil that would capture his soul. 

 I took God to a place in North Carolina where a couple follow God to restore their marriage and ministry in obedience to the Father. I took him to 1041 Center Pointe Road in Hendersonville, TN where a passionate couple walk in obedience to be a shining light in their community and began a church in a city where God called them and where the congregation is embracing the vision and lives are being restored. I took God to a place in Dublin GA where a pastor, with a heart for the people and a vision laid before him, desperately tries to drag a congregation out of tradition and into full surrender to the Holy Spirit's plan and purpose. Then to a church In Dublin GA where a pastor speaks truth to his congregation who share his vision and purpose and where many new souls are being brought into the kingdom. 

Psalms 91:14-16  14 "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known my name. 15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation." 

But last night I also needed a God small enough to see me among the vastness of the universe, just a tiny speck of human frailty, sitting on the ground waiting for Him to meet me in this place where He has met me so many times before. Last night I needed Him to come sit beside me and tell me His plan. I needed Him to take my hand and tell me that no matter where this journey ends, He will be with me. I needed Him to reassure me that as long as I remain in Him, He will honor my efforts. Last night I needed Him to whisper words of comfort in my ear and hold me as I cried once again for every broken dream, every hope deferred, every prayer that seemingly has gone unanswered. For every scar that just will not completely heal, and I took him to that place deep down in the recesses of my soul that still holds a small, fragile thread of hope. 

And then, I asked Him to go before me. To the place that I can not even fathom. I took Him to places that in my minds eye I can not even comprehend. I took Him to the next step before me that I cannot even see yet, but He alone knows. I asked Him to go into that place of provision that He has prepared and lead me there, where ever there is. I asked him to go into the hearts and minds of the people who will go with me and prepare them for the journey too. I asked Him to go into the hearts and minds of the ones that I leave behind and give myself and them the peace for me to make this journey. I asked him to go into the hearts and minds of the ones we will meet there and prepare them for this family rebuilding from brokenness, to provide mentors for my kids and me, to place us in extended families as a means of support. And I asked Him to meet us there, where ever this there is, to fulfill His purpose in us. 

For I know that often times He takes us to a place where we believe we are going to be ministered to, yet we become the one who ministers and if that is His purpose then I am willing to let Him take me to this place. 

“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isa 53:4-5)

I know this is not the upbeat post that you are used to. I know this one has a very heavy tone and I think its okay for us to go there for a little while, to heal, to remember how far we have come and remember the promises, and to put God in remembrance of His promises to us. We just can not stay there. Where is your place today? Where do you need to take him back to? What area does He need to heal for you? I encourage you today to do the same. Take Him to your place and let Him meet you there.

To the place where dreams were shattered

And you felt you'd lost the race

Where the only thing that's left 

Is sorrow and pain

You wondered if you mattered

or did anyone see you at all

Take Him to the place

And watch dead things live again

Where one touch of His grace

And it's all washed away

He's calling out your name

Doesn't matter where you've been

Or whatever you have faced

Don't be afraid

To take Him to the place

There's a place where hope is given

Where you're free from sin and shame

Where He heals your broken heart

and speaks new life again

Where His love is ever drawing

to a place where you'll never be alone

Take Him to the place

And watch dead things live again

Where one touch of His grace

And it's all washed away

He's calling out your name

Doesn't matter where you've been

Or whatever you have faced

Don't be afraid

Let Him heal your heart

Give you a new start

You'll find life brand new

He will calm all fears

Wipe away your tears

Show you love so true

Just take Him to the place

And watch dead things live again

Where one touch of His grace

And it's all washed away

He's calling out your name

Doesn't matter where you've been

Or whatever you have faced

Don't be afraid

To take Him to the place

Just take Him to the place

---

Amanda and Aaron Crabb sing Take Him To the Place.