Oh, Sovereign Lord... you alone know...
Part Three
I begin and end this portion of my journey going back to March of 2012. It was after the Holy Spirit led me to discover a photo., that the Lord began to deal with me on the subject of Forgiveness. Forgiving is one of the hardest things we as Christians face. When someone speaks the cliche "forgiveness is for you, not the other person", they have absolutely no idea how true that statement is. Forgiveness is also a truly misconceived ideology. God will take a contrite and broken heart that is willing to forgiven and begin to prune that person. The act of forgiving is not easy, but it is required. So what does it look like? I wish I could adequately give you words, but I am convinced that just like the working out of our salvation, so is the process of forgiving, a individual journey. For me it began that night the Holy Spirit led me to search in a place that I never would have looked into before. As I held onto the door frame, the room spinning, my knees buckling, my heart bursting inside of me, I asked the Lord, "what do you want me to do with this?" The words were as clear as if someone had been standing beside me, "I gave you a clean slate, he gets one too"
This also began a part of my journey that only can be attributed to the Lord. For just a little while we slipped into something akin to what our life had once been. This would not last long though. Once the enemy has had you in his grasp, he is never eager to let you go again. It was at this point that I began marriage counseling, alone. I will never forget the words of Chris Dixon as he said to me "hurting people hurt people" It took me a while to understand this, but these words have been instrumental in the healing process for me.
One morning, while sleeping peacefully in our little camper, the Holy Spirit woke me to command me to begin the process of forgiving the the people who had harmed me the most. I could not believe what God was asking me to do. I was to write a letter to the two people who were determined to destroy my family and ask them to forgive me for the way I felt about them. Let me interject here, Christianity (true Christ following) is not for the faint-hearted. Surrendered obedience is hard, it is painful and the Lord will ask you to do things that make absolutely no sense in our human minds. Once this task was accomplished, within days, the Holy Spirit laid many others on my heart to do the same thing with. Some knew I had had hard feelings against them, to some it came as a shock. With the exception of the people who had most wrong me, every other one was gracious and merciful. With the completion of the last letter, the Holy Spirit began to minister me in ways I would not understand at first, but would later come to be most grateful for.
Immediately following my act of obedience, the Holy Spirit began to align my life in ways, that I never could have seen. God is merciful when He does not let us see into the future. Our feeble mortal minds could not bear the burden of it. I had been in my current position for several years. Within days of sending a letter to my special education director, and receiving an incredible gracious acceptance from her, the Spirit began to lead me into alignment with the will of the Father and Divine appointments. One Wednesday night the Lord began speaking the word "transition" to me. The very next day a new position was offered to me, out of the blue, a transition into a new school and a new level of responsibility. What I would only begin to understand later as favor, had begun. It is at this point Jesus, planted people into my path who would be instrumental in saving me just months from now. After much prayer and fasting the position was accepted and I moved from my comfortable, routine job into a new school and a new position. Unbeknownst to me, God was lining up people and opportunities to rescue me from the hands of an enemy that was determined to silence me at any cost.
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jerimiah 33:3
I begin and end this portion of my journey going back to March of 2012. It was after the Holy Spirit led me to discover a photo., that the Lord began to deal with me on the subject of Forgiveness. Forgiving is one of the hardest things we as Christians face. When someone speaks the cliche "forgiveness is for you, not the other person", they have absolutely no idea how true that statement is. Forgiveness is also a truly misconceived ideology. God will take a contrite and broken heart that is willing to forgiven and begin to prune that person. The act of forgiving is not easy, but it is required. So what does it look like? I wish I could adequately give you words, but I am convinced that just like the working out of our salvation, so is the process of forgiving, a individual journey. For me it began that night the Holy Spirit led me to search in a place that I never would have looked into before. As I held onto the door frame, the room spinning, my knees buckling, my heart bursting inside of me, I asked the Lord, "what do you want me to do with this?" The words were as clear as if someone had been standing beside me, "I gave you a clean slate, he gets one too"
This also began a part of my journey that only can be attributed to the Lord. For just a little while we slipped into something akin to what our life had once been. This would not last long though. Once the enemy has had you in his grasp, he is never eager to let you go again. It was at this point that I began marriage counseling, alone. I will never forget the words of Chris Dixon as he said to me "hurting people hurt people" It took me a while to understand this, but these words have been instrumental in the healing process for me.
One morning, while sleeping peacefully in our little camper, the Holy Spirit woke me to command me to begin the process of forgiving the the people who had harmed me the most. I could not believe what God was asking me to do. I was to write a letter to the two people who were determined to destroy my family and ask them to forgive me for the way I felt about them. Let me interject here, Christianity (true Christ following) is not for the faint-hearted. Surrendered obedience is hard, it is painful and the Lord will ask you to do things that make absolutely no sense in our human minds. Once this task was accomplished, within days, the Holy Spirit laid many others on my heart to do the same thing with. Some knew I had had hard feelings against them, to some it came as a shock. With the exception of the people who had most wrong me, every other one was gracious and merciful. With the completion of the last letter, the Holy Spirit began to minister me in ways I would not understand at first, but would later come to be most grateful for.
Immediately following my act of obedience, the Holy Spirit began to align my life in ways, that I never could have seen. God is merciful when He does not let us see into the future. Our feeble mortal minds could not bear the burden of it. I had been in my current position for several years. Within days of sending a letter to my special education director, and receiving an incredible gracious acceptance from her, the Spirit began to lead me into alignment with the will of the Father and Divine appointments. One Wednesday night the Lord began speaking the word "transition" to me. The very next day a new position was offered to me, out of the blue, a transition into a new school and a new level of responsibility. What I would only begin to understand later as favor, had begun. It is at this point Jesus, planted people into my path who would be instrumental in saving me just months from now. After much prayer and fasting the position was accepted and I moved from my comfortable, routine job into a new school and a new position. Unbeknownst to me, God was lining up people and opportunities to rescue me from the hands of an enemy that was determined to silence me at any cost.
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jerimiah 33:3
The pain continued to be more than I could bear. There were weeks on end, when the only thing on my stomach would be a tortilla, since that was the only thing that would stay down. There were days when even a tortilla was not even tolerated as my body began to turn against me from the guilt that ate away at my very soul. If you have never had the enemy speak lies to you, you would not believe how easy it is to accept the words of the wicked as the truth. Having been told, that if I had not done what I had, my marriage and family would have been fine, I bought the lie hook, line and sinker. I internalized the guilt and bore it with a physical pain that almost destroyed me. I spent days and nights crying out to God. All summer long, I cried in my pillow, I lay prostrate before the Lord, I begged him to perform the miracle that only He could.
Strangers began to approach me and speak out a destiny that God had appointed. Each prophecy was identical to the one prior. And each time, God would send another person to speak into my life, the enemy came back at me and my family in relentless waves. Just before the summer came to an end, my husband came home from a work trip that had lasted several weeks, The day he came home, he did not tell me he was on his way and within a couple of hours he showed up at my office door. My heart sang, thinking how sweet it was for him to surprise me, I prayed in that instance that this was the day that everything would be turned around, miraculously restored. As I walked from the building, my hopes were crushed. What should have been a joyous reuniting became a heart wrenching realization that the enemy was not through yet.
Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
August 1st, I had taken all that a human could take. It was a Wednesday night, the children and I went to church as always, my husband had been home a couple of days and was working on a part-time job. It never ceases to amaze me how the enemy of our souls is so relentless. Having been raised in a sporadic at best religious upbringing, I had no idea how to fight this enemy. I began to join marriage restoration support groups, to pray scripture over my family, over all parties involved, and while this sounds like a great idea, for those of you not versed in spiritual warfare, when you begin to pray for those ensnared by the devil, the demonic activity begins to escalate quickly.
This spring just as the weather began to turn, my daughter and I were home one day. I peeked out the window to see a snake of some sort slithering on the top of the net of the trampoline. My neighbor came driving into his driveway as I am contemplating how to kill this snake. I called across the fence and he graciously but reluctantly came over to help kill this snake. With my shovel he pounds away at this snake, however the ground being so soft, it was difficult to kill the slimy little rascal. He struck the shovel over and over again, until my neighbor had stunned him and began to cut off his head. The neighbor toted the snake out of the yard and to the driveway in which he laid that snake down on the ground. The body continued to coil and and strike as if its head was still intact. Even without a head, this enemy was still lashing out. Still searching for something to strike. Is this not exactly what Satan does. Satan was around at from the very beginning. He knows the Word better than most of us. He understands what the end will be like, and still he does his best to change the outcome. One person, one family, one church, one community at a time.
August 1st, I had taken all that a human could take. It was a Wednesday night, the children and I went to church as always, my husband had been home a couple of days and was working on a part-time job. It never ceases to amaze me how the enemy of our souls is so relentless. Having been raised in a sporadic at best religious upbringing, I had no idea how to fight this enemy. I began to join marriage restoration support groups, to pray scripture over my family, over all parties involved, and while this sounds like a great idea, for those of you not versed in spiritual warfare, when you begin to pray for those ensnared by the devil, the demonic activity begins to escalate quickly.
This spring just as the weather began to turn, my daughter and I were home one day. I peeked out the window to see a snake of some sort slithering on the top of the net of the trampoline. My neighbor came driving into his driveway as I am contemplating how to kill this snake. I called across the fence and he graciously but reluctantly came over to help kill this snake. With my shovel he pounds away at this snake, however the ground being so soft, it was difficult to kill the slimy little rascal. He struck the shovel over and over again, until my neighbor had stunned him and began to cut off his head. The neighbor toted the snake out of the yard and to the driveway in which he laid that snake down on the ground. The body continued to coil and and strike as if its head was still intact. Even without a head, this enemy was still lashing out. Still searching for something to strike. Is this not exactly what Satan does. Satan was around at from the very beginning. He knows the Word better than most of us. He understands what the end will be like, and still he does his best to change the outcome. One person, one family, one church, one community at a time.
That August evening, in desperation, all I could think to do was escape. To get as far away from the pain as possible. After taking my children to my grandmother's home for the night, I was up all night pondering what should be my next move. At every turn more and more deception was being revealed and just as I was learning to trust again, the walls continued to crash around me. There were times that it seemed as if certainly, I was living someone else's life. Guilt became a way of life, I was told over and over that if I had not done what I had done, this all would not be happening. I embraced the guilt that was heaped upon me daily, emotionally flogging myself as pentenance for my inability to repair the damage to my family.
At this point, there were many new people coming into my path. More people coming in speaking to me words of knowledge. The Lord was placing new friends into my life who possessed spiritual discernment and deepened relationships with friends who were spiritually more mature than my self to help me along this journey. As the end of my marriage drew near, God was gracious to increase daily, the ranks of prayer warriors and spiritual mentors to envelop me and show me the power and love the Lord has for me.
My brother married in 2007, I knew that Jennifer was a godly woman and I knew that she was a good friend but I will say that I never knew the spiritual strength she possessed. During my darkest days, she stood by me and checked on me daily. She prayed and interceded for me continuosly and without this crisis, I would never have understood just what a treasure she is. Lori had been my friend since she and I met, though cousin to my husband, she had always been one of my best friends and when I needed her most, she crawled into the trenches with me fighting all the powers of Hell with me to save my family. Kay became my surrogate mother, though my own was more than willing to listen, Kay embraced me and my kids as her own and filled a void for my daughter that no one else could have at the time. Tiffany and Glyenda had been women that I barely knew and yet became my guardian angels here on this earth and Karrie taught me what I did not know about Spiritual warfare. My aunt Susan took on the role more like the sister that I never had. Holly and Valerie, though far away, lifted me and my kids in prayer daily. Marquita, the last of the people whom the Holy Spirit had me ask forgiveness of, became my crusader. These women and many more, listened tirelessly as I poured out every emotion, every raw thought, every lie of the enemy. They held me as I cried rivers of tears, some even curling up and crying with me.
A week from my husband's leaving our home, the Holy Spirit had me restless. It was a Friday night and the Holy Spirit kept speaking to me to go to Women's retreat. I had not been in years, I had not signed up for retreat and I really did not want to go. What I wanted to do was to curl up in my bed, pull the covers over my head and cry as I had every night since February. As my husband came in from hunting that night, I told him that I needed to go. I could not get away from it, I was miserable, the voice of the Holy Spirit finally louder than the demons that pursued me.
As I walked into the darkness of the auditorium, I was already in tears, the Holy Spirit continuosly speaking to me on the 10 minute ride to the campgrounds. I entered with hesitation and anxiety. It was within these walls, just months earlier that I had confessed my sins against my husband, my family, my church and my God. How would these women receive me? Would there be ostracism? Would there be condemnation?
I sat at the end of the aisle, at the back of the sanctuary. Tears continued to flow as the speaker began. Every word resonated with me, every story she shared had some word for me from the Holy Spirit, though it seemed this was the case in every sermon I had heard recently. I drove home that night, still uncertain as to why I had felt so compelled to be there.
I returned the next night and the same scenario played out, the same feelings, same emotions, same reactions. same drive home. Sunday morning I rise to prepare for church and cannot shake the feeling that I need to be in Ladies' Retreat. While my family turns left into town from the road on which we live, I pull my car out to the right to take me to the camp once again.
One final time, I walk into the auditorium for the Sunday School lesson. My friend Martha is delivering the lesson and as always does a fantastic job. A break is given and the final service of the retreat begins. Allison begins to sing and introduces a new song. She then begins to speak one final time. I cannot tell what the message was that day. I cannot tell you what the songs were. I only know that every word felt as if it were for me alone. Sitting in that pew, I felt as if she knew exactly whom she was speaking to and it was as if someone had told her my innermost thoughts and feelings. The only words I do remember were "there is someone here and God is calling you into a ministry. you have been running from this. you need to come see me after the service". I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my fourth person had spoken to me the calling the Father had placed on my life.
I did not go down to see her that morning. Yet she sought me out. I had gone to talk to Martha and catch her up on the disaster that was my life. Allison walked up to me and said "you're the one. You were supposed to come see me, but you didn"t" I said "yes, you are right" she then said "God has placed a mantle of sorrow on you for a little while and when you are through this He will replace it with garments of joy. He is going to give you a healing ministry from this pain you feel now and your will speak to women that no one else can reach." "These women need someone to tell them they understand what they are feeling. They can't afford the Gloria Gaithers of the world, but they can afford me and you" Then my friend said to me, "I have watched you the last three nights, and I have asked these women about you, I don't know if you know how much these women love you and how highly esteemed you are among these women." That day Allison Speer became one of the women that the Lord placed in my life to encourage me and mentor me in this path He has now placed me on.
Two weeks later, the world came crashing in around me once more and the final nailed was sealed in the coffin of my marriage. I had fought the good fight and had tried so desperately to show my remorse to my husband. I had attempted to be everything I had not been, to right the wrongs of my past and to show my beloved husband that I loved him and wanted to be with him. The enemy's influence was so much stronger and on that October day he walked out of an eighteen year relationship and the man that i had loved so much ceased to exist.
It would now become apparent, the hand of God in my life. The answer to why he changed my position was immediately revealed, God continued to place key people into my path, people who had the spiritual discernment to know when to intervene. People to reach down into the dark and dismal places and begin to pull me out of the mire and muck. People to be used to pluck me out of the schemes of the enemy of my soul. Sisters in Christ who have held me and cried with me, who have sat in court with me, who have prayed with me, who have interceded for my children, who have provided us with vacations, extracurricular material possessions, labor, grass cutting, moving assistance, meals. Reaffirming that God provides for his people.
From that day in October 2012 to the present time, only the memory of our former lives remains. In its place scars that have yet to fully heal. There are days when it seems that the healing is complete and then something happens, and the scab is ripped away opening and exposing the wound once again and the pain is fresh. My children and I still struggle from day to day to understand how this has all come to transpire. And there are still days that I wake from intermittent slumber only to wonder how in the world did I get here to this point.
But I will tell you, God has walked with me this entire journey.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
I know that there are blanks here in my story and I will be filling the blanks in the future. I do not know what tomorrow holds for me and my children. I only dream of a time when the pain no longer takes my breath away or wakes me from my slumber. I long for the day that the sight of him does not tear my heart to pieces over and over and that the bile does not get caught in my throat at the thoughts of the two of them together. I look forward to the day that my children and I can have a family vacation or a holiday, or even sit down for a simple meal and not feel that there is this incredibly empty void as the centerpiece, when all conversations do not center around what we have lost and the ghosts of the past life do not consume our every moment.
Stephen Furtick, of Elevation Church, in his sermon series Be Brave states "God often allows us to be afflicted with the very disease he has called you to heal." He goes on to ask the question, "What if He wants you to see your purpose through your pain?" Mercifully and graciously, God has revealed to me the purpose for all I have endured. To share my story with a world badly broken and in need of a savior.
so...
I share my story as a prayer that some how God will use me as an instrument of restoration. I pray somehow lives and marriages will be saved because of the testimony the Lord has given me and my willingness to share that testimony with others.
I share my story so that you may see where God has brought me from and understand the depths of compassion that he has had for me. If you could understand how his hand has guided my steps. How he has provided me answers to questions that only should be answered on the other side of Heaven. Oh how precious it has been to know that he loves me so much that he has counted all my tears. He knows the number of hairs on my head and that Jesus himself intercedes on my behalf. I cannot fathom how much he cares for me.
I share my story to let the world know that there is hope after tragedy. I pour out my soul to let you know that despite the horrendous circumstances that should have taken me out and the enemy behind it that still wages war against me, God is turning this tragedy into a ministry to help others, to heal others, to give others hope.
I do not know every thing that the Lord has for me but I do know that he has given me this promise: He will never leave me nor forsake me. He has promised He is doing a new thing in me. So I will continue to blog, to speak, to sing and to testify to the Glory of God the Father.
For now, I'm just a girl who has been broken, telling the world there is hope in Jesus.
I would have despaired unless I have believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalms 27:13
At this point, there were many new people coming into my path. More people coming in speaking to me words of knowledge. The Lord was placing new friends into my life who possessed spiritual discernment and deepened relationships with friends who were spiritually more mature than my self to help me along this journey. As the end of my marriage drew near, God was gracious to increase daily, the ranks of prayer warriors and spiritual mentors to envelop me and show me the power and love the Lord has for me.
My brother married in 2007, I knew that Jennifer was a godly woman and I knew that she was a good friend but I will say that I never knew the spiritual strength she possessed. During my darkest days, she stood by me and checked on me daily. She prayed and interceded for me continuosly and without this crisis, I would never have understood just what a treasure she is. Lori had been my friend since she and I met, though cousin to my husband, she had always been one of my best friends and when I needed her most, she crawled into the trenches with me fighting all the powers of Hell with me to save my family. Kay became my surrogate mother, though my own was more than willing to listen, Kay embraced me and my kids as her own and filled a void for my daughter that no one else could have at the time. Tiffany and Glyenda had been women that I barely knew and yet became my guardian angels here on this earth and Karrie taught me what I did not know about Spiritual warfare. My aunt Susan took on the role more like the sister that I never had. Holly and Valerie, though far away, lifted me and my kids in prayer daily. Marquita, the last of the people whom the Holy Spirit had me ask forgiveness of, became my crusader. These women and many more, listened tirelessly as I poured out every emotion, every raw thought, every lie of the enemy. They held me as I cried rivers of tears, some even curling up and crying with me.
A week from my husband's leaving our home, the Holy Spirit had me restless. It was a Friday night and the Holy Spirit kept speaking to me to go to Women's retreat. I had not been in years, I had not signed up for retreat and I really did not want to go. What I wanted to do was to curl up in my bed, pull the covers over my head and cry as I had every night since February. As my husband came in from hunting that night, I told him that I needed to go. I could not get away from it, I was miserable, the voice of the Holy Spirit finally louder than the demons that pursued me.
As I walked into the darkness of the auditorium, I was already in tears, the Holy Spirit continuosly speaking to me on the 10 minute ride to the campgrounds. I entered with hesitation and anxiety. It was within these walls, just months earlier that I had confessed my sins against my husband, my family, my church and my God. How would these women receive me? Would there be ostracism? Would there be condemnation?
I sat at the end of the aisle, at the back of the sanctuary. Tears continued to flow as the speaker began. Every word resonated with me, every story she shared had some word for me from the Holy Spirit, though it seemed this was the case in every sermon I had heard recently. I drove home that night, still uncertain as to why I had felt so compelled to be there.
I returned the next night and the same scenario played out, the same feelings, same emotions, same reactions. same drive home. Sunday morning I rise to prepare for church and cannot shake the feeling that I need to be in Ladies' Retreat. While my family turns left into town from the road on which we live, I pull my car out to the right to take me to the camp once again.
One final time, I walk into the auditorium for the Sunday School lesson. My friend Martha is delivering the lesson and as always does a fantastic job. A break is given and the final service of the retreat begins. Allison begins to sing and introduces a new song. She then begins to speak one final time. I cannot tell what the message was that day. I cannot tell you what the songs were. I only know that every word felt as if it were for me alone. Sitting in that pew, I felt as if she knew exactly whom she was speaking to and it was as if someone had told her my innermost thoughts and feelings. The only words I do remember were "there is someone here and God is calling you into a ministry. you have been running from this. you need to come see me after the service". I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my fourth person had spoken to me the calling the Father had placed on my life.
I did not go down to see her that morning. Yet she sought me out. I had gone to talk to Martha and catch her up on the disaster that was my life. Allison walked up to me and said "you're the one. You were supposed to come see me, but you didn"t" I said "yes, you are right" she then said "God has placed a mantle of sorrow on you for a little while and when you are through this He will replace it with garments of joy. He is going to give you a healing ministry from this pain you feel now and your will speak to women that no one else can reach." "These women need someone to tell them they understand what they are feeling. They can't afford the Gloria Gaithers of the world, but they can afford me and you" Then my friend said to me, "I have watched you the last three nights, and I have asked these women about you, I don't know if you know how much these women love you and how highly esteemed you are among these women." That day Allison Speer became one of the women that the Lord placed in my life to encourage me and mentor me in this path He has now placed me on.
Two weeks later, the world came crashing in around me once more and the final nailed was sealed in the coffin of my marriage. I had fought the good fight and had tried so desperately to show my remorse to my husband. I had attempted to be everything I had not been, to right the wrongs of my past and to show my beloved husband that I loved him and wanted to be with him. The enemy's influence was so much stronger and on that October day he walked out of an eighteen year relationship and the man that i had loved so much ceased to exist.
It would now become apparent, the hand of God in my life. The answer to why he changed my position was immediately revealed, God continued to place key people into my path, people who had the spiritual discernment to know when to intervene. People to reach down into the dark and dismal places and begin to pull me out of the mire and muck. People to be used to pluck me out of the schemes of the enemy of my soul. Sisters in Christ who have held me and cried with me, who have sat in court with me, who have prayed with me, who have interceded for my children, who have provided us with vacations, extracurricular material possessions, labor, grass cutting, moving assistance, meals. Reaffirming that God provides for his people.
From that day in October 2012 to the present time, only the memory of our former lives remains. In its place scars that have yet to fully heal. There are days when it seems that the healing is complete and then something happens, and the scab is ripped away opening and exposing the wound once again and the pain is fresh. My children and I still struggle from day to day to understand how this has all come to transpire. And there are still days that I wake from intermittent slumber only to wonder how in the world did I get here to this point.
But I will tell you, God has walked with me this entire journey.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
I know that there are blanks here in my story and I will be filling the blanks in the future. I do not know what tomorrow holds for me and my children. I only dream of a time when the pain no longer takes my breath away or wakes me from my slumber. I long for the day that the sight of him does not tear my heart to pieces over and over and that the bile does not get caught in my throat at the thoughts of the two of them together. I look forward to the day that my children and I can have a family vacation or a holiday, or even sit down for a simple meal and not feel that there is this incredibly empty void as the centerpiece, when all conversations do not center around what we have lost and the ghosts of the past life do not consume our every moment.
Stephen Furtick, of Elevation Church, in his sermon series Be Brave states "God often allows us to be afflicted with the very disease he has called you to heal." He goes on to ask the question, "What if He wants you to see your purpose through your pain?" Mercifully and graciously, God has revealed to me the purpose for all I have endured. To share my story with a world badly broken and in need of a savior.
so...
I share my story as a prayer that some how God will use me as an instrument of restoration. I pray somehow lives and marriages will be saved because of the testimony the Lord has given me and my willingness to share that testimony with others.
I share my story so that you may see where God has brought me from and understand the depths of compassion that he has had for me. If you could understand how his hand has guided my steps. How he has provided me answers to questions that only should be answered on the other side of Heaven. Oh how precious it has been to know that he loves me so much that he has counted all my tears. He knows the number of hairs on my head and that Jesus himself intercedes on my behalf. I cannot fathom how much he cares for me.
I share my story to let the world know that there is hope after tragedy. I pour out my soul to let you know that despite the horrendous circumstances that should have taken me out and the enemy behind it that still wages war against me, God is turning this tragedy into a ministry to help others, to heal others, to give others hope.
I do not know every thing that the Lord has for me but I do know that he has given me this promise: He will never leave me nor forsake me. He has promised He is doing a new thing in me. So I will continue to blog, to speak, to sing and to testify to the Glory of God the Father.
For now, I'm just a girl who has been broken, telling the world there is hope in Jesus.
I would have despaired unless I have believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalms 27:13
No comments:
New comments are not allowed.