Down in the Valley

Admit it, you heard Burl Ives (or Gene Wilder, depending on your generation) sing that in your head when you read that title didn't you? Yes, I did too when the title came to mind. 

Well....all I can say is it has been a rather strange couple of weeks. After writing my New Year’s entry, I was feeling very hopeful and inspired and on the right course and basically on top of the world. Then…

New Year’s Day an illness struck me out of the blue and knocked me for a loop. For two days my body ached with fever, not flu like, just tender as if someone is touching a bruised area. My throat and nasal passage were on fire, feeling like they had been scorched raw. I could imagine them, red and raw and irritated much like the burn from a chemical wound. My head began to stop up from the all too familiar pressure of a cold and I retreated to bed that Thursday night to cold medications and a warm blanket.

For four days I lay in bed only getting up to feed the kids and go to the bathroom. Thankfully, my daughter, stepped up to the plate and took care of her little brother. On the fourth day, I arose, took a bath and drug myself to the doctor. Not the flu, but a respiratory infection and a collapsed Eustachian tube.

The next day the children and I returned to our normal routine of school, though still feeling slightly better than death warmed over, I made a valiant effort to fulfill my duties.

During this time, is when the enemy began his attack again.

Paul writes in Romans 7:15 “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate”  Now, I have my own theories about what Paul is talking about, and I will not touch on those in this writing, but I understand this statement well.

Just days before, after having such divine revelation, I am right back to the place that I know, for me, is my biggest sin…fear.  You may ask, how is fear sin? Fear for me stops me in my tracks; it paralyzes me quicker than anything. It can turn a seemingly calm, cool and collected shell of a person into a raving lunatic on the inside. Hand up! Yep, that’s me.

My mind begins to reel with thoughts that come from all sides. A friend emails me and says “is anything going on? I have seen you in a ring of fire, how can I pray for you?” That’s what it feels like on days when the fear takes hold. Like standing in a ring of fire or being surrounded by a pack of ravenous wolves. There’s an open space between me and my pursuer, yet I constantly have to turn in circles to protect my back and front.

Money troubles, court dates, attacks of witchcraft (oh yeah, you had better believe it exists, and in the church too), trying to stay one step ahead of people who twist everything you say and do to intimidate you, fear of the future, loneliness, loss; everyone of these is a snarling, angry entity, snapping and lunging at me, waiting for the moment to attack and all I can do is continuously turn in circles in the same spot.

I told you in the beginning of my writing that there would be days when this was pretty real, well today is one of those. So what does all of this have to do with sin? For me, fear is that thing that brings about disobedience.

For over a year I get scriptures about being strong and courageous every day. For months it has been “put on the full armor of God” and recently revelation that I am to partake as a warrior for the kingdom. I know, I know you still don’t get it.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.11Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-11

Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.… And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:14-17

IN ancient battles, the warrior would place on his front side, metal plated armor. The helmet protected all but the eyes so he could see where he was going, but often would block his peripheral vision, so he only saw straight ahead.

 The breastplate covers only that, the breast, where the heart and vital organs lay, the soul of a man if you will. There was no covering for the back; the warrior was to go forward, never looking back. Charging at the enemy, defeating the enemy in front of him with no worry of anything behind because it was already defeated in front of him. Yielding his sword and striking mightily and hard and swiftly to quickly may waste of the enemy before him in one feld swoop.

 The shield to protect him from the blows of the enemy’s sword and to buffet the strikes before they could even reach the warriors body, It was customary for warriors to place oil soaked rags on the tips of the arrows they would shoot at their enemy. Fiery darts, the fire for really no other purpose than to be more intimidating. The shield is to be taken up to block the onslaught of fiery darts.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

You see there is no armor to cover us when we retreat and fear will make us misunderstand our commands. I believed that “to stand” meant just to be still. But stand here is to remain grounded in what we know. Not to let disbelief creep into the camp, but to remember the promises of God and the truth that He has placed within my spirit. .

I sit here pouring out my secrets, if it be, though really there are not many secrets anymore. Victoria may have them, but Shannon does not. For the Lord has commanded me to be transparent; telling me that my fears and insecurities are what someone else needs to hear to know that they do not walk alone in their journey. That people are tired of seeing someone larger than life speaking to them from exalted pulpits on topics that never touch the heart break and pain that they desperately want answers to. The hurting want to hear that someone understands, they want to hear that someone else has been there and they want to know that there is hope. They want someone to be real. Not to stand in the role of teacher and lecturer (I'm telling you about this but I’ve not been there myself). The hurting want to know that you know the pain of the burn of the refiner’s fire, that you understand the clamor of the confusion of the voices calling them to stay in their disbelief. Desperate people want to know someone else has survived and how it was done.

This journey has given me more awareness and insight into the pain of others, as well as my own. Lesson gleaned along the way, offered from a heart that is not ashamed of what I have been through, but has learned so much from the wilderness of my desert and valley.

 I’m listening to my radio as I type this to you. The Jeff Berry Band’s Prayer is piping through the ear buds and drowns out all other sounds in this early morning quietness. “I believe, yes, I believe, Lord help me unbelief”. It has become one of my favorite songs of all times.

You see, the human in me has my GPS set. When you give a GPS a route, you have a beginning point and an ending point and your job is complete with the words from the disembodied voice, “you have reached your destination”. My spirit longs for the day that I reach that destination. I have been shown the mountain top that is my destination, I can see it in the distance, it appears to be getting with in reach, but just when I think I will finally reach its peak, there is yet another valley to cross and while the mountain top destination is closer, my eyes have deceived me in the depth perception, because my feet step into the soil of the next valley to cross to before reaching my ending point.

I will say that it is true that valleys are locations of fertile soil. It is in these valleys that the lessons are learned and the battles are fought. It is in the valley where there is much rain, filling springs and rivers and making everything green. It is also in the valley where the animals graze, and you know what comes with grazing animals. Let’s just say, we country girls know that it takes more than water to make the grass that green.

But it was these qualities of valleys that would draw the enemy here to encamp around the spoils of the land, cutting off the natural supply of the land of those they wished to conquer. In days of old, those who controlled water controlled the world.

 It was in the valley that Gideon with only 300 defeated the Midianites and the Amalekites, with only the promise that his enemies would be handed over to him by God. It was in the valley that Elisha prayed for his servant’s eyes to be opened at the enemy’s camp and God opened the eyes of the servant and on the sides of the mountains and hills above were a host of heavenly beings prepared to battle in their stead. IN each of these circumstances, the Lord turned the enemy upon itself and in seemingly impossible circumstances, where nothing about the battle plan made any sense in the warrior’s mind, victory was brought at the Hand of the Almighty. And…only the Lord could gain the Glory.

You see there are a couple of other characteristics of valleys: they are basins or natural armistices and they have great acoustics.

Gideon and Elisha did not stand still in place; they stood on the promise of the God they trusted. They did the only two things they were commanded to do. Go forth and praise. You see, God had each small army stand in the foothills around the amassing enemy and each army sang, yelled, blew the trumpets, clanged the symbols, and crashed the pots all in praise to the Lord of Lords. In doing so the enemy became confused and in each circumstance ran in various directions, turning on themselves and running directly into the path of the warriors that never should have been able to defeat them. Our praise at the most daunting times confuses the enemy.

One phrase stood out to me while reading the scriptures. In Judges 7:10 God tells Gideon, “But if you are afraid to go down, go with Purah your servant down to the camp.”  Gideon did take Purah with him. That tells me that Gideon was afraid…but he went forward anyway. Want to know something cool? Purah means “armor bearer” It’s as if God is saying to Gideon, “I know your afraid, but take your armor and just step out and trust me” 

This morning those are His words to me. “My daughter I know you are afraid, I know there are bills to be paid with no money to do it. I know there is a court date looming with a crafty enemy. I know you can’t see the next step in front of you and that the control fiend in you wants to know what’s next. I know that you are lonely and long for a help meet. I know you see no way that makes sense. I know that I have given you a vision of a mountain top and it's taking longer than you think it should. I know that you are weary in the battle. But go forth with your armor bearer and I will do the rest.”

LOl, once again, I began this writing with one idea in mind. And yet again, Holy Spirit has highjacked my process. But I needed to hear this, this morning. And I’m just guessing someone else did too.

In my fear, do not sin. Do not fall into disobedience based on the lies of the fiery darts of the enemy. Do not stand still paralyzed by the fear itself. Step out of that ring of fear surrounding me and go forward, in the Full armor of God and amidst seemingly impossible circumstances, praise Him and be amazed at the works of the Lord.

One more secret, my flesh longs for the day that “I have arrived” to that mountain top. Well I guess that’s not really a secret. But the scripture that I keep getting this week is:

 Philippians 3:12-14Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.…

So Lord if that means another valley… I step forth…standing on Your word and I’m ready for my next lesson to draw me nearer to my prize.

Closer to me I'm tired and I'm weak
And every breath within me is longing just to be Closer to You
So I face the road ahead
Cause I know there's no comparing To what's waiting at the end

So let the rain start falling where it will

And I will run through this valley Just to climb to that hill
And if they ask why I'm smiling After all I've been through
It's cause I'm just a day closer to You

Mark Schultz- Closer to You 

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You

Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

Ginny Owens- If You Want Me To

* Two videos for you this week. If you can't get the link here, try them on YouTube. Enjoy!!!