My Achy Breaky Heart

According to Webster’s Dictionary the word Repent means to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one's life. There is an incredibly alarming trend in the modern church. Honestly, it terrifies me. As someone who has had a lot to repent from in my lifetime, it bothers me tremendously, the trend to preach grace without repentance.

Please understand, that I understand how harsh this will sound. I am afraid so many will misconstrue the message here. I am a huge proponent for reaching the lost. I was once one of them. I am a proponent of loving the sinner, some may not think so if you do not read this in its entirety. I am a proponent of getting the message of salvation to the lost. But as leaders we must make certain not to leave people suckling on the milk while what they need is meat. Should we only give them the "milk" of the gospel, then we have done them an injustice. For even the enemy and his demons, believe in Jesus and his power, but they have no redemption. Love them in, but don't just tickle their ears. 

My heart aches tonight. I’m a social media junkie. If you know me, you know that. But this week it has been a method of real discouragement. I have read so many posts this week from friends, family members and some, even those entrusted by the Almighty lead His people. I’ve watched virtual fist fights this week and people claiming to be Christians, atheists, agnostics, heterosexuals, bisexuals and homosexuals rip each other apart. I’ve seen pastors all but condemn the teaching of the law. I’ve seen men of God condemn other men of God for teaching repentance and for teaching that there is a standard of holiness to live up to. One of my children was privy to a conversation where a person known to be living in an adulterous lifestyle condemned someone living in a homosexual lifestyle.

In every circumstance where Jesus exemplified grace, there was turning…a change.

When He healed, grace was extended and sins were forgiven but lives were changed, the people left differently than they came in. This should be what we see today in our churches. Modern theology says come dirty and Jesus will clean you, and while this is true, you don’t return like swine to the muck and mire.

When Jesus extended grace to the woman caught in adultery, He did not say to her “go on back to what you were doing”. On the contrary, He said, “Go and sin no more”, meaning that she was to cease what she had been doing. To stop, to turn, to repent.

He did not leave the demon filled, full of demons; he removed the demons, changing the people so dramatically that they were no longer recognizable. On the road to Damascus, though Paul had not previously been afflicted, affliction was brought upon him, but afterward he was never the same, as a matter of fact the persecutor became the persecuted for the sake of Christ. David learned a harsh and valuable lesson after the birth and death of his first son with Bathsheba, I attest she did as well as you never heard of them having more affairs did you? While he was never perfect, David never repeated the same sin twice. And if he did sin, he grieved over his sin, he lamented and repented with everything within him. He was a man that knew how to learn a lesson. It is for this reason that he was called “a man after God’s own heart”. Not that he did not sin, but that it was his desire not to and when he did, he did not blame someone else, he did not excuse it. David was not afraid to own it and turn from it. It was in the turning he gained the attention of God.

We have a responsibility after grace saves us to turn from that lifestyle of sin; otherwise we invalidate the blood of Jesus. We make a mockery of grace.

We cannot look to men as an example of Holiness, only to Jesus. The disciples themselves were idiots, just like us. Plain and simple. They walked with the Savior, lived with Him, ate with Him, followed and observed every move He made and yet they still did not get it. On the night of his arrest, before going into the garden to pray, these selfish and arrogant men argued over who was his favorite and who would sit bedside Him in Heaven. It was only after the indwelling of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost that it finally sank into their thick skulls. Even after seeing Him resurrected, they still were not fully convinced of all they had seen with their own eyes. Sounds a lot like us, huh?

The current trend in preaching only teaches grace. There is little talk of turning. Popular phrases “the finished work is done” or “when Jesus died on the cross it was finished, all your sins past, present and future were forgiven”. While these are true statements, to simply end there is dangerous. It is the repented sin that is covered in the past, it is the unintentional sin that is repented in the present that is covered and it is the unintentional repented sin that is covered in days to come.

I’m touching on dangerous ground here and will probably catch some flack for this. There are lifestyles (many) that are Biblically considered abominations. Old Testament and New Testament alike reveal and concur on each of these. The current trend is to say that Jesus came to free us from the law. While there is a smidgen of true to this, it is dangerous to conclude that we do not need the law. Every thing on Earth is governed by laws. Gravity, nature… we need law, law serves to create and maintain order. Again, the law was given to Moses by God. We believe in a Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Jesus said himself, “The Father and I are one” and “when you see me, you have seen the Father”. John 1:1 says in the beginning was the Word. He was not mad at the Pharisees for their laws; he was frustrated because they had knowledge without understanding. It was not their laws, it was Gods law. He and father are one, which means that he too created the law and therefore would be contradicting himself. God cannot lie, so he cannot contradict

To preach grace without repentance is to pull out scriptures to justify what we want to hear. In Matthew 5:17 Jesus said “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfill them.”  In another version it reads. “I come to accomplish its purpose” 

I enjoy a variety of preaching styles and most often if you are in my home, you will hear preaching on one of my TVs. At my desk, when working on paperwork, I will often have sermons going in the background while working on my reports and paperwork. A couple of years ago a popular preacher was one that I rarely missed. His teaching has changed though and in my thoughts, borders on heresy now. He preaches right up to God’s love, the sacrifice and what was done through grace, but there is NEVER any mention of the change that must come. Never any mention that we are called to Holiness just as Christ, the sacrifice, is Holy.

I have often said, and still contend, that an apology without repentance is useless, it is just lip service. A couple of scenarios: you own a business and one of your employees is stealing from you, she is caught, she apologizes and you give her another chance. (This is what grace does) The next week it all happens again. Then the next and the next. You begin to think what? “She really isn’t sorry”, right?

Or how about a child molester. He abuses the child, he apologizes, but then he does it again and apologizes again. Over and over the cycle is repeated. Is he truly sorry?

Common sense says in both cases, there is no true sorrow here. There is no sorrow for what they have done, only that they got caught.

So it goes with sin. If we have claimed to be saved by grace, yet we continue sinning, we have wasted grace. Hebrews 10:26 says “if we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Romans 6:1-2 asks the important question “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin: how can we live in it any longer? 2 Corinthians 5:17 states “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Friends, if you are spiritual leaders, you must teach grace and repentance hand in hand, how else are they to be “new creations” without rebirth or change.

Some things bother me today and I know they must grieve the Lord as well. People who try to rationalize sin by saying “no sin is worse than another’ or “don’t judge lest you be judged”. No, one sin is not weighed greater than another and yes we all sin and fall short of the grace of God, but there are 7 that God hates and from these all others flow. “Don’t judge” has become so twisted. No, we are not to judge the person, but we are to judge their fruits. The only example of Holy living is Christ. Years ago, WWJD bracelets were all the rage, books and t-shirts were every where, but the question that should have been asked was WWJND, What would Jesus Not Do? If He would not do it, we don’t do it. Period! If the Word, the author and finisher of our faith did not live in sin then neither should we.

The murderer who continues to kill after claiming grace, the one who practices witchcraft after enlightenment, the one who still worships idols after claiming grace, the liar who continues to lie, the adulterer who continues to perpetrate the adulterous act, the homosexual who does not convert, the harlot and the whoremonger who continues the practice have wasted the blood of Jesus. Yes! I said it. And yes, I believe it. If I say I believe that the Bible is the Word of God then I must believe that EVERY word of it is TRUE. If not, then I am no better than a Pharisee, and I have been one, I was very good at it. But I cannot change His word. My job is to hate the sin and love the sinner.

But in the midst of all this I must judge the fruits of those claiming to be in Christ lest I be led astray or false teachers lead others astray.

Now before you crucify me, let me tell you this. I have family members that practice homosexuality. I love them with all my heart and I will fight you to the death over them, I will cut you over them. But I will not defend the lifestyle, just as I will not defend the lifestyle of anything or anyone else that the word of God says is detestable. We have openly discussed this. They know I love them, they know that their lifestyle is their choice. They know that I believe in the literal word of God and just as I respect their right to believe what they want, they respect my right to believe what I choose.

I loved my husband; I would have stayed with him. He chose to walk away and continue in a lifestyle that God says is detestable, I chose to repent and turn. Does that make me better? I don’t know. It makes me obedient to the word of God as it is written in the book that those claiming to be Christians believe.

One of the major arguments of those wanting to rationalize sin is “a loving God would not condemn a person to hell” And they are right. It is not God that condemns the sinner to hell, that’s the sinner’s choice. It took me a very long time to understand free will. In the past, the free will of others frustrated me to the point of anger with God. The very gift of free will becomes the curse we impose upon ourselves when we make the choice not to repent.

John 3:17 For God did not send His Son to into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.

Now that I have either thoroughly ticked everyone off or got you running aisles shouting “amen”, I will answer the question that has to be on your mind if you are still reading this. “What makes me the authority? “What gives me the right?” Well, how about the fact that this former Pharisee, former hypocrite, in 46 years of my life, has at some point had to repent… a lot!  DO NOT misunderstand me, I am not bragging or boasting. I say what I am about to say out of a heart that is completely repentant, restored and humbled at the grace and mercy extended to me. Ok…with that said, at some point and time in my life, I have broken the heart of the father by breaking everyone of the twelve commandments (yes, there are twelve, Jesus added two more) and at some time I have committed all but one of those called abominations.

But I chose not to stay there. I chose to change, to repent. I chose to heed the voice of the Holy Spirit. We are each to bear our own cross. For me, when I would finally surrender my heart to the Father, the Holy Spirit would place a mirror in my face to show me how my sin broke the heart of the Father and hurt so many others. In exposing my sin to me in such a way, I came completely broken, sin in hand, gave it to Jesus who then covered it in His blood and now my father mercifully lets me remember to keep me from returning to that wrong lifestyle, yet He himself has cast if from his own memory. 

Judge me by my fruits. If you knew me then and know me now, you can. My children will tell you, mama is not the same.

My heart aches for humanity because in all the rationalization, justification and accusation, I fear that most have missed the message of Christ all over again.

With all of this said, the Holy Spirit spoke to me a couple of years ago while I was grieving myself to death over another’s free will decision. It was then that the spirit revealed to me that on the Day of Judgment, I will not be asked what anyone else did. I will only be asked what I did or did not do. I will only be accountable for what I have done. I choose to exercise my free will by repenting and turning as the Holy Spirit reveals and guides. I choose to do my best in the strength of Christ to not only WWJD but also not do the things that He would not do and in doings so have the assurance that my sins, having turned from them, are covered under the blood of Christ never to be held against me again.

Each of us is gifted in a different area, some prophesy, some teach, some have more than one. One of my responsibilities is to be watchmen on a wall. Watchmen warn. It’s not a fun job, it does not make you popular, but it is necessary. A city in a fortress with no watchman is a city waiting to be destroyed within its own walls.

In Revelation the spirit warns the churches that He would rather the church be hot or cold, that he will spit the lukewarm out of his mouth, meaning it makes Him sick. Preaching grace without turning is telling a half truth. Half truth is a whole lie, it is misleading and allows the spirit of luke-warmness in. Lukewarm is comfortable now but it grieves the heart of God. It also opens doors to the spirit of discord, which has been very apparent to me this week among those claiming to be speaking the truth.

Truth is not relative, despite what modern society says. Truth created the Earth, made us in His image, gave us laws to live Holy, came to Earth to dwell among us, died on a cross to give us redemption for our sins, rose from the grave to prepare a place for those who would repent and live Holy lives, Truth searches for us even now to return to the fold. Truth will one day return to judge the living and the dead.

Christians, do not compromise the gospel; do not tell only a portion. Tell them God loves them, tell them He longs to bring them home, but show them a walk blameless and Holy.

 Sinner, there is NOTHING that you have done that you cannot be redeemed from. Trust me, I know. You don’t have to get your act clean to come to Him. Come as you are, learn His voice, and let Him clean you up. Come with a repentant heart; surrender that thing you want to rationalize, in His strength, turn from that sin that has so long had you bound and never pick it up again.  Let the Holy Spirit be your guide. Yes, He does love you just as you are, but He loves you enough not to want to leave you where you are.  It’s not easy…but oh it’s worth it.

Paul writes to the Philippians after instructing them in the truth, "There fore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

Maybe I’m wrong, but I would rather err on the side of His word in hopes of hearing “well done, thy good and faithful servant.... enter in”

This week's song: Come to the Well- Casting Crowns

Down in the Valley

Admit it, you heard Burl Ives (or Gene Wilder, depending on your generation) sing that in your head when you read that title didn't you? Yes, I did too when the title came to mind. 

Well....all I can say is it has been a rather strange couple of weeks. After writing my New Year’s entry, I was feeling very hopeful and inspired and on the right course and basically on top of the world. Then…

New Year’s Day an illness struck me out of the blue and knocked me for a loop. For two days my body ached with fever, not flu like, just tender as if someone is touching a bruised area. My throat and nasal passage were on fire, feeling like they had been scorched raw. I could imagine them, red and raw and irritated much like the burn from a chemical wound. My head began to stop up from the all too familiar pressure of a cold and I retreated to bed that Thursday night to cold medications and a warm blanket.

For four days I lay in bed only getting up to feed the kids and go to the bathroom. Thankfully, my daughter, stepped up to the plate and took care of her little brother. On the fourth day, I arose, took a bath and drug myself to the doctor. Not the flu, but a respiratory infection and a collapsed Eustachian tube.

The next day the children and I returned to our normal routine of school, though still feeling slightly better than death warmed over, I made a valiant effort to fulfill my duties.

During this time, is when the enemy began his attack again.

Paul writes in Romans 7:15 “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate”  Now, I have my own theories about what Paul is talking about, and I will not touch on those in this writing, but I understand this statement well.

Just days before, after having such divine revelation, I am right back to the place that I know, for me, is my biggest sin…fear.  You may ask, how is fear sin? Fear for me stops me in my tracks; it paralyzes me quicker than anything. It can turn a seemingly calm, cool and collected shell of a person into a raving lunatic on the inside. Hand up! Yep, that’s me.

My mind begins to reel with thoughts that come from all sides. A friend emails me and says “is anything going on? I have seen you in a ring of fire, how can I pray for you?” That’s what it feels like on days when the fear takes hold. Like standing in a ring of fire or being surrounded by a pack of ravenous wolves. There’s an open space between me and my pursuer, yet I constantly have to turn in circles to protect my back and front.

Money troubles, court dates, attacks of witchcraft (oh yeah, you had better believe it exists, and in the church too), trying to stay one step ahead of people who twist everything you say and do to intimidate you, fear of the future, loneliness, loss; everyone of these is a snarling, angry entity, snapping and lunging at me, waiting for the moment to attack and all I can do is continuously turn in circles in the same spot.

I told you in the beginning of my writing that there would be days when this was pretty real, well today is one of those. So what does all of this have to do with sin? For me, fear is that thing that brings about disobedience.

For over a year I get scriptures about being strong and courageous every day. For months it has been “put on the full armor of God” and recently revelation that I am to partake as a warrior for the kingdom. I know, I know you still don’t get it.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.11Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-11

Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.… And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:14-17

IN ancient battles, the warrior would place on his front side, metal plated armor. The helmet protected all but the eyes so he could see where he was going, but often would block his peripheral vision, so he only saw straight ahead.

 The breastplate covers only that, the breast, where the heart and vital organs lay, the soul of a man if you will. There was no covering for the back; the warrior was to go forward, never looking back. Charging at the enemy, defeating the enemy in front of him with no worry of anything behind because it was already defeated in front of him. Yielding his sword and striking mightily and hard and swiftly to quickly may waste of the enemy before him in one feld swoop.

 The shield to protect him from the blows of the enemy’s sword and to buffet the strikes before they could even reach the warriors body, It was customary for warriors to place oil soaked rags on the tips of the arrows they would shoot at their enemy. Fiery darts, the fire for really no other purpose than to be more intimidating. The shield is to be taken up to block the onslaught of fiery darts.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

You see there is no armor to cover us when we retreat and fear will make us misunderstand our commands. I believed that “to stand” meant just to be still. But stand here is to remain grounded in what we know. Not to let disbelief creep into the camp, but to remember the promises of God and the truth that He has placed within my spirit. .

I sit here pouring out my secrets, if it be, though really there are not many secrets anymore. Victoria may have them, but Shannon does not. For the Lord has commanded me to be transparent; telling me that my fears and insecurities are what someone else needs to hear to know that they do not walk alone in their journey. That people are tired of seeing someone larger than life speaking to them from exalted pulpits on topics that never touch the heart break and pain that they desperately want answers to. The hurting want to hear that someone understands, they want to hear that someone else has been there and they want to know that there is hope. They want someone to be real. Not to stand in the role of teacher and lecturer (I'm telling you about this but I’ve not been there myself). The hurting want to know that you know the pain of the burn of the refiner’s fire, that you understand the clamor of the confusion of the voices calling them to stay in their disbelief. Desperate people want to know someone else has survived and how it was done.

This journey has given me more awareness and insight into the pain of others, as well as my own. Lesson gleaned along the way, offered from a heart that is not ashamed of what I have been through, but has learned so much from the wilderness of my desert and valley.

 I’m listening to my radio as I type this to you. The Jeff Berry Band’s Prayer is piping through the ear buds and drowns out all other sounds in this early morning quietness. “I believe, yes, I believe, Lord help me unbelief”. It has become one of my favorite songs of all times.

You see, the human in me has my GPS set. When you give a GPS a route, you have a beginning point and an ending point and your job is complete with the words from the disembodied voice, “you have reached your destination”. My spirit longs for the day that I reach that destination. I have been shown the mountain top that is my destination, I can see it in the distance, it appears to be getting with in reach, but just when I think I will finally reach its peak, there is yet another valley to cross and while the mountain top destination is closer, my eyes have deceived me in the depth perception, because my feet step into the soil of the next valley to cross to before reaching my ending point.

I will say that it is true that valleys are locations of fertile soil. It is in these valleys that the lessons are learned and the battles are fought. It is in the valley where there is much rain, filling springs and rivers and making everything green. It is also in the valley where the animals graze, and you know what comes with grazing animals. Let’s just say, we country girls know that it takes more than water to make the grass that green.

But it was these qualities of valleys that would draw the enemy here to encamp around the spoils of the land, cutting off the natural supply of the land of those they wished to conquer. In days of old, those who controlled water controlled the world.

 It was in the valley that Gideon with only 300 defeated the Midianites and the Amalekites, with only the promise that his enemies would be handed over to him by God. It was in the valley that Elisha prayed for his servant’s eyes to be opened at the enemy’s camp and God opened the eyes of the servant and on the sides of the mountains and hills above were a host of heavenly beings prepared to battle in their stead. IN each of these circumstances, the Lord turned the enemy upon itself and in seemingly impossible circumstances, where nothing about the battle plan made any sense in the warrior’s mind, victory was brought at the Hand of the Almighty. And…only the Lord could gain the Glory.

You see there are a couple of other characteristics of valleys: they are basins or natural armistices and they have great acoustics.

Gideon and Elisha did not stand still in place; they stood on the promise of the God they trusted. They did the only two things they were commanded to do. Go forth and praise. You see, God had each small army stand in the foothills around the amassing enemy and each army sang, yelled, blew the trumpets, clanged the symbols, and crashed the pots all in praise to the Lord of Lords. In doing so the enemy became confused and in each circumstance ran in various directions, turning on themselves and running directly into the path of the warriors that never should have been able to defeat them. Our praise at the most daunting times confuses the enemy.

One phrase stood out to me while reading the scriptures. In Judges 7:10 God tells Gideon, “But if you are afraid to go down, go with Purah your servant down to the camp.”  Gideon did take Purah with him. That tells me that Gideon was afraid…but he went forward anyway. Want to know something cool? Purah means “armor bearer” It’s as if God is saying to Gideon, “I know your afraid, but take your armor and just step out and trust me” 

This morning those are His words to me. “My daughter I know you are afraid, I know there are bills to be paid with no money to do it. I know there is a court date looming with a crafty enemy. I know you can’t see the next step in front of you and that the control fiend in you wants to know what’s next. I know that you are lonely and long for a help meet. I know you see no way that makes sense. I know that I have given you a vision of a mountain top and it's taking longer than you think it should. I know that you are weary in the battle. But go forth with your armor bearer and I will do the rest.”

LOl, once again, I began this writing with one idea in mind. And yet again, Holy Spirit has highjacked my process. But I needed to hear this, this morning. And I’m just guessing someone else did too.

In my fear, do not sin. Do not fall into disobedience based on the lies of the fiery darts of the enemy. Do not stand still paralyzed by the fear itself. Step out of that ring of fear surrounding me and go forward, in the Full armor of God and amidst seemingly impossible circumstances, praise Him and be amazed at the works of the Lord.

One more secret, my flesh longs for the day that “I have arrived” to that mountain top. Well I guess that’s not really a secret. But the scripture that I keep getting this week is:

 Philippians 3:12-14Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.…

So Lord if that means another valley… I step forth…standing on Your word and I’m ready for my next lesson to draw me nearer to my prize.

Closer to me I'm tired and I'm weak
And every breath within me is longing just to be Closer to You
So I face the road ahead
Cause I know there's no comparing To what's waiting at the end

So let the rain start falling where it will

And I will run through this valley Just to climb to that hill
And if they ask why I'm smiling After all I've been through
It's cause I'm just a day closer to You

Mark Schultz- Closer to You 

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You

Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

Ginny Owens- If You Want Me To

* Two videos for you this week. If you can't get the link here, try them on YouTube. Enjoy!!!

I'm Hungry...

I’m hungry…

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up Lord. Come and quench this thirsting in my soul, 

Bread of Heaven, feed me til I want no more. Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

If you follow my FB page, then I’m sure this title is hilarious to you. If you watch my post you are by now thinking to yourself “there is no way this chick is hungry".  For those of you who do not know me, or follow my FB posts, I post a lot of pictures of the foods I cook. The reason, well... I’m a boring person, lol.. No really, food was killing me and now that I have learned to cook and eat healthier, I enjoy sharing my pics and being able to tell people about the benefits of eating healthy.  In September of 2011, just before the fall (that is what I call the period of time when I walked away from the Lord) I was diagnosed with chronic typical vascular migraines after years of being missed diagnosed with muscular migraines. Learning to eat correctly saved my life.

If you follow my FB page, you will also see that Jesus covers most of my posts. You see sin was killing me, grief was killing me and hopelessness was killing me. Then I looked up.

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You. ⁴ Trust in the Lord forever,
For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.^[a]
5 For He brings down those who dwell on high,
The lofty city; He lays it low, He lays it low to the ground, He brings it down to the dust.
⁶ The foot shall tread it down— the feet of the poor and the steps of the needy.”

⁷ The way of the just is uprightness; O Most Upright, You weigh the path of the just.
⁸ Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for You;
The desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You.
⁹ With my soul I have desired You in the night,
Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early;

Tuesday began a time of baking and preparation, getting ready for my son and new daughter-in-law to come and also to have my mom, grandmother, brother, sister-in-law and niece and nephew with me on Saturday. This is the first time since Christmas of 2011 that I have hosted a family gathering. It has just been too difficult for me to muster the strength to even celebrate, much less host. But I did it. This year, (as in years past when I hosted a gathering) I prepared way too much, but we were blessed to have it.

My youngest son gave me a canvas he painted by his own hands, (with the help of my oldest son’s mother-in-law). My son and his wife gave me a necklace that I had been wanting. I gave myself the gift of a sweater and a dress. The children were well pleased with their gifts and things went along smoothly.

For the first time since Christmas of 2011, I did not cry tears of grief. This in itself was a blessing and maybe even a miracle. I did spend a little time in tears, but not tears from a broken heart this year, rather tears of a soul overwhelmed by its creator.

The sweetest gift this year came from the Holy Spirit. It seems that even my devotionals this year were about spending time with Jesus and not participating in the hustle and bustle. Lysa Turkurst’s December devotionals began with the theme of un-rushing the holidays. Jesus Calling continued the daily reminders that it is not about the chaos but about spending time with Christ. This was my goal this Christmas, to de-clutter the Holy days.

Wednesday and Thursday as I baked like a banshee, the Holy Spirit kept pleading with me not to go there. Not to create chaos were there was not any and to continue to linger with Him. Exhausted each night I collapsed into bed only to find that sleep escaped me. It was in these hours that God came to dwell with me.

My Christmas visits began Tuesday evening before Christmas and have continued even into today (Monday after Christmas). In each day Holy Spirit has come and quietly sat beside me, speaking new truths into my being. Softly whispering into the quietness of my soul, “See, I am doing a new thing”. This is not the first time the Lord has revealed this to me, but it is the first time I’ve allowed myself to fully embrace this. I wanted my old life back, I wanted my old traditions, and I wanted things to be the way they used to be. To my disappointment, it does not seem to be the way it will be.

 In the quietness of the dawn Christmas morning, I was fully prepared for the melancholia to set in and as I opened my devotions, a word for me from the Holy Spirit, delivered through the obedient prayers of a new sister in Christ. “Blessings sweet sister…in the midst of your pain you have chosen to bless others. That is why the Lord shall surely not forget you.”  Then the prayer of peace and comfort or covering and healing, of filling of every void. A prayer for new beginnings and new positioning, a shift! Out of thin air, this and three other words came, from people whose names I never knew and whose faces I have never seen. Each confirming and re-affirming the other.

Once again, HE has brought strangers into my life to speak words over me, to confirm the whispers, which my heart does not trust me to be hearing correctly. He has given me sermons from my pastor and others, over and over again to confirm the words that He has hidden in my heart. He has sent scriptures in random places and places so unexpected as there is no doubt His hand is guiding all along. Holy Spirit reminds me that the Lord has me in the palm of His hands, that I need only be still and allow him to move behind the scenes and when it seems that all is gone, He sends a voice a to place me in awe of Him once again.

It has been the kind of Christmas that has brought about His Glory. If you have read my three Christmas posts Comfort and Joy, Star Gazing and God with Us, you will understand the depths from which He has spoken to me. How this Christmas He has pursued me, more than any love ever has, He has pursued me. He has bid me to sit in quiet solitude with Him. At what I feel in my spirit is the end of this season, He has asked me to linger with Him and drink in His goodness. He has placed in me a hunger that cannot be filled with food in the natural, but only with manna from His table. Just enough to get me from day to day, yet all sufficient and satisfying. The sweetness, the caring, the kindness, the compassion leads me to tears of an all together new kind. No longer do I sit in the ash heap, I have sat this Christmas in the Holy of Holies. I have dwelt in His presence.

I sit here in the early morning, no light comes from the dark dreary rainy day outside my windows, the only light invading the darkness is that of the small fire in the hearth and the computer screen before me. (I am my grandfather's granddaughter, for I do love a fire any time of day and any season.) After devotions this morning, I scanned through my FB notifications. I saw where a FB friend, Pastor Jeff Ferguson, had made a post stating three things he would leave behind in 2014. He asked for replies. My response: pride, grief, fear.

If you have followed my blogs then you are well aware of the price I have paid in the past for each of these. 

A conversation was held in Sunday school yesterday and continued in the choir room between myself and a cousin. (Reed Waldrep, you got us thinking.) Pride is that thing that made Satan fall. Have you ever thought about this? Satan and his minions know who Jesus is and recognize his power and authority. At His name, they must flee. Another thought to ponder today, the same grace available to you and me is also available to satan. If satan would repent, turn and receive, he would stand with the righteous on judgement day. To me, that is an humbling thought; my sins are counted with the same weight as all that the evil one has done. Now, those of us who have read the back of the book, know that is not pre-destined to happen. Why? Pride and arrogance are the very nature of Satan's character. Unfortunately they are also in the very nature of man as well 

It is this pride and arrogance that has become the new veil. When Jesus cried "it is finished" on the cross, the alter was broken and the veil was torn into, offering free passage for all into the Holy of Holies, through the final perfect sacrifice. Our arrogance and pride is that veil that we place between ourselves and the Father. These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look (Proverbs 6:16) God cannot look on sin, therefore pride has no entrance into His kingdom. 

I would say I'm letting go of pride, but the truth is, I was humbled a long time ago and stripped of all my pride, but as a human there are days it wants to rear its ugly head once again. I will be ever more on guard to keep it at bay. When I look to the least of these in my path, I will not see how much better I am, but only that the Grace of the Savior has kept me from the same position. 

Grief, I gladly give up. I won't speak to this one long, if you know me at all, you already know the depths of my grief. I will be speaking to my grief in 2015, putting it in its place, like an old friend who has served his purpose for a season, but could not stay in my present life.

Fear, has been a life long battle for me and probably my biggest avenue for disobedience. Fear cost me greatly in this year alone. Doors of opportunity were flung wide to me in the summer of 2014 and out of fear, I was not obedient. My fear paralyzed me and I chose the path not laid out before. God immediately slammed every door to the wrong path in my face. More grief followed. I am choosing to speak to fear in 2015 also. It will have no more power over me again. I feel the Lord is about to open doors again, and though walking through may seem scary and unfamiliar, fear will not plant my feet and make me distrust and disobey once more.

So as this year of transition comes to a close for us all, I would like to ask you... What will you be giving up this year? Not resolutions, but reconciliations. What has the savior reconciled in your soul in 2014?

So what does 2015 hold?

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

I begin 2015 as I did 2014, seeking God design and enlightenment through fasting, ironic huh, that I am hungry yet I fast. I am hungry not for food but more enlightenment, more vision, more clarity, more…of Him.

In 2015, I believe He will usher in His purpose for me in a powerful and awesome ways that I have never seen before. I believe HE will speak to me and show me things I have never known before. I choose to dance before Him like David; I choose to follow Him in blind obedience like Gideon and Joshua. I choose to praise Him in the midst of the inconvenient like His mother, Mary. I choose to seek His face like Solomon.

 I have three friends that I am believing I will see their complete healing in 2015, that they will be made whole again and that doctors and nurses and outsiders will stand in amazement  and ask “how can this be?” and we will be able to say “it was our Jehovah”.

 I have other friends that are beginning ministries, or like myself are bringing new ministries from the ashes of the old. I am believing that God is going to use us in ways that will astound the unbeliever and the believer alike. That the unbeliever will say “I want that” and the believer will repent from complacency and rekindle the fires to have all that the Lord offers.  

I am believing that 2015 will leave us breathless in the presence of a Father that loves us too much to let us remain the same. I pray for you that you will allow yourself to go deeper with the Father, that you will open your heart and mind to receive all He has for you, to like myself allow him to push you out of your comfort zone and into the fullness of His purpose for your life.  I pray you get hungry. In 2015 I’m trading my birth pains for hunger pains. Lord, keep me hungry, keep me humble, keep me in the center of Your will. In 2015, come Lord Jesus, have Your way in me.

*Remember, if you cannot see the song link on your mobile device,

try from a pc. 

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Happy New Year!

Shannon

God with Us

God with Us

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel (which means, God with us).” Matthew 1:23

Emmanuel, God with us....Over and over the last couple of days these are the words that come to my heart. Once again today it is the theme of the day.

Until this morning I did not know what to call this last season of my life. For two years I had lived in a perpetual state of grief. Not just a low point, not just a state of feeling down and out, but one of ultimate despair. Maybe you understand despair, perhaps you don't.  Despair is that season where it seems that all hope is lost. When it is just too difficult to put one foot in front of the  other and it requires effort to even get out of bed in the morning. That season I will forever call my Ichabod season.

 Ichabod was the name given to Eli's grandson. After the Ark of the Covenant was captured, Eli fell from a chair, breaking his neck,  killing him. His sons both killed in battle, and Phineas' wife left alone to give birth, names the son Ichabod, "inglorious" or "the glory has departed"

Jentezen Franklin spoke on this very subject this morning. Oh, what a blessing that message was. If you have an opportunity check it out.   .Immanuel is Mightier than Ichobad

"The Glory has departed" that is how it felt for so long, though really not true. It is difficult in these seasons to see God's hand in all that is going on around us. This thing that brought the despair is so at the fore front of our minds we see nothing else. For me, it was clinging to the hope in cruel situations that I could not control. It was placing my hope in man to be disappointed over and over again. It was fighting against the free will placed in each human soul and not being able to right the wrongs of the consequences of the actions of myself and others. It was feeling that because of someone else's disobedience to God, I was somehow unloveable.  Every prayer seemingly unanswered causes the despair to multiply around us. Despair, like darkness, deepens as the night goes on.

There is a phenomena, discovered in the 1973, after a 6 day bank heist in Stockholm, Germany. Coined "Stockholm Syndrome", the hostages formed and emotional bond with their captor, even to the point of offering themselves as a shield for his safety, once leaving the makeshift garrison.

To some of us, our relationship with despair becomes something akin to Stockholm Syndrome. It is all too familiar, and if we stay there too long it become our companion. We nurture it and it fully envelopes us. At some point we either make a conscience decision to disrobe ourselves of despair or we make an unconsciousness decision to remain in the painful, yet familiar pit.

For me, the time in the pit was far too long. The despair too comfortable. Though the enemy would have had me, the Almighty was merciful. When the enemy would scream my insecurities day and night, the Holy Spirit was faithful. Scriptures, words of knowledge, phone calls, text messages, the only explanation...God.

I would have perished if I had not known I would see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living.

Fear Not...

 Jesus' very birth announcement began with these words.   When the angels appeared to the lowliest of humankind to announce the birth of the King of kings;  the very first words were "fear not".

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, In God I trust; I will not be afraid.

What can mortal man do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4

These are the words spoken to me over the last couple of years. Fear not, do not be afraid, be strong and courageous, be of good courage... promises and commandments from the Father. Promises that He will never leave me or forsake me. He is with me. God is with me...

I sit here in the wee morning hours, the only light comes from the Christmas tree and the fireplace. The rest of the house is dark, and quiet. Solitude is the word that comes to mind. For those of you that know me well, you know that solitude is both my friend and my enemy. It is during these times that I can delve into the deepest recesses of my mind and the fear takes hold of me out of no where like a cold, icy grip on the back of your neck when you least expect it, and yet it does not startle me. I can settle into its arms as comfortably as a cradled babe. It is in moments like this that I have learned that I must make a conscious effort to cast down these fears, to speak to the voice that says all hope is lost and remind the demons that my God is with me.  MY God...is with ME. 

My God chose to make himself a little lower than the angels, to come to the earth He created, as the most helpless of creatures... a newborn baby. Creator and son in one small, flesh covered gift of perfect sacrifice. The sacrifice was made even before the cross.  Do we ever stop to wonder, the glory that He left, to come and dwell among us? 

There are two kinds of tears that I shed these days. Those for deep regrets and days gone by and those that come when I am overwhelmed by the love of my Savior. Both can come without warning and both flow freely from the purest portion of my heart and soul. In this moment, it is the latter that stream freely down my cheeks. In these quiet moments, Holy Spirit has set himself down with me, taking my hands in his and softly reminding me in quiet whispers of the good. Small glimpses of hope, provisions and promises, just enough Grace for the moment. 

We "church folk" sure can miss it sometimes. We speak our "Christianese", "grace for the moment", "mercies new every morning", "God with us". It is so easy for those of us who have been in church for any length of time to spout off our cliches to others in cute little quip answers, but do we ever get real and examine what these cliches mean to us. No, really! 

If I have learned anything that I can offer to you over the last few years, it is this. Get real, it is personal. "Grace for the moment" oh how I wish I could adequately pen into words what this now means for me. How at the very moments that I had no hope, Grace found its way through the darkness to rescue me in that very instant while teetering over the abyss of despair. If I could give you each a gift this Christmas it would be to linger. To stop, abruptly in the middle of the madness, the hustle and bustle, the chaos we have created in the name of celebrating the Christ Child. I would give you the gift of being overwhelmed, by the baby, by the Father, by the Savior, the Holy Spirit, by what it all truly means. I would give you the gift of my tears, tears that for the very first time in my small, fragile existence, understand the True meaning of Christmas.

I am reminded tonight of Christ's words to his disciples, "I'm sending what my Father has promised, wait here (in the city), until you are filled with power from on high". He is still here with us. It is not just a fairy tale in a Holy Book. It is redemption wrapped in scraps of cloth. It is hope and joy in fleshly form laid in straw. It is a cruel crucifixion for the sins of the world. It is an empty tomb and a risen Savior. It is a fresh wind in an upper room. It is the hands and feet, given that we might share His love to the masses.  It is a precious promise and a provision from a father who loved us so much he would not leave us alone.. He searched for us, He found us, He calls us from the deep, He  lingers with us, He holds us, He comforts us. Hallelujah, we have been found! He is with us!  Immanuel!

Merry Christmas, 

Shannon

Star Gazing

In just 5 short years, I will be the age of my father when he was tragically taken from this world all too soon. Just two weeks short of my high school graduation, I desperately sought ways to cope with the loss that left an incredible void in my life and hole in my heart. I worked late into the evenings at the local grocery store. Many times after working well into the night, I would drive to some remote dirt road, pull to the side and park. For hours on end, I would lay on the warm metal of the hood of my car, gazing into the massive galaxy above. Though far from the Lord at the time, I would talk to him, I would cry to him, I would sing to him.

Now, I lay under that same big sky. I gazed at the same stars that the Creator put into position in the beginning of time. The same stars under which I have lay so many times in my life, and once again, I talk to Him, I cry to Him and I sing to Him.

 Every few moments a meteor will rain down., coming so close its seems impossible that it does not reach the Earth. Seven layers of atmosphere, approximately 400 miles in thickness, protect this ball of land, water and air that spins in perfect orbit around the sun,which is placed at the exact distance  to sustain life. These atmospheric layers protect the Earth from anything that should come hurdling through space. In the mesophere, the meteors encounter friction which causes combustion and essentially evaporating the meteor. Periodically, meteors will survive the fall through all layers and will fall to Earth as meteorites, mercifully small enough to never be noticed.  Provision to protect humanity from the possibility of destruction.

John 1:14 - And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

It was under this very same sky, over 2000 years ago that the Creator became the Created, entering the world in the lowliest of circumstances, birthed through the very womb that He created.  Under these same stars angels appeared to lowly shepherds and kings took notice of the signs in the night sky. Heaven's Glory came to Earth in the form of a helpless infant to make provision for pauper and prince alike. The breath of God entered the Word of God in meager fleshly form to provide the perfect sacrifice to save humanity from eternal desolation.

As Mary lay there under that starry night sky, as she pondered all these things in her heart, did she too look into the vastness of this huge universe of ours and speak to her God? Did she cry out to Him, pleading for another way to save man, other than the sleeping baby boy lying on her breast? Did she still sing her song of praise, "let it be unto me as your have said"? Did God mercifully hide His plan of provision from even the very vessel who gave him human form?

Provision, protection, the one perfect sacrifice to take away the sins of man.

John 1:2 Through Him all things were made, without Him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light that shines in darkness,  but darkness understood it not.

It amazes me how the Holy Spirit will confirm what He has spoken to our hearts. Last night as I lay under that crisp, clear, starry sky,  watching as meteors shot across a velvety, black background;  thoughts and ideas bombarded my mind and spirit just as those meteors darted across that vast canvas. The need to write it all down was overwhelming. This morning when I awoke, I turned on the television and Jentezen Franklin was on. His sermon today, sometimes the Star Will Lead You to the Stable.  Then, during the sermon today at my home church, more confirmation.

Isaiah 9:2 The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined

In the beginning pages of every Bible, in chapter one and verse three, God calls forth light. He speaks it into being. "Let there be light" are the first words spoken by God. The sun, moon and stars are placed into their positions on the sixth day and reveal their light as well. In the King James Bible the word light is used 272 times in 235 verses. Light pierced the darkness in those first moments, as the Trinity spoke the universe into existence and the symbolism for the plan of salvation is set into motion.

Throughout the Bible, Jesus is referred as the light, the one to dispel the darkness. He declares himself to be "the light of the world". He is referred to as the lamp stand and the light of salvation. Throughout the Old Testament references are continuously made to light. A burning bush in a desert, a rainbow reflecting its light after forty days of continuous rain and destruction,a pillar of light at night to travel safely by. The glory of the Lord shown as light on Moses' face after he came down from the mountain. All symbolic of the provision for the sin of man, a light to a lost and dying world, lying in a manger underneath a starry sky. 

It is not uncommon today for parents, friends and family to go to great expense to welcome a new born child into this world. Nurseries are prepared with matching bedding and curtains, walls are decorated with the same theme. There will be bassinets, strollers, bottles, blankets, swings, the list is endless. Photographs are taken before the blessed event to inform family and friends of the impending arrival and thousands of dollars are spent every year to record the first year of life. Before the birth even takes place it is not far fetched to say the wee babe will have already received more gifts than will ever be utilized. 

Hebrews 2:9-13 - But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death, crowned with glory and honour; that he by the grace of God should taste death for every man.

  His time, though relatively short, transcended social barriers, elevated the lowly and humbled the arrogant. He taught, he healed, he loved and if that is all He had done, we would still worship Him. Yet, that was never his mission. He came, knowing the master plan, knowing that he would be the ultimate sacrifice for the sins of man. Being one with the Father, fully aware of how his days on Earth would end.

It is my prayer, this last week of advent, that you my friends would come to know Him. Not the sweet little baby that we all think of during this time of year, but the light of the world sent to all mankind. no matter station or status, the savior of us all. The One  true king left His heavenly throne to come to Earth in human form. To enter this world as all humankind does. To live as his creation, to die for his creation.  Just a helpless infant from the womb of a willing vessel, born under a night sky in the lowliest of places, made just a little lower than the angels who announced his birth. Born the light of the world for shepherds and kings alike, star gazers.

it is my greatest desire for you this Christmas,  that the words penned here, will like that star,  draw you closer to the stable. Where no longer a new born baby, but a risen Savior awaits to welcome you into His kingdom for all eternity.

Merry Christmas, 

Shannon