It was a
Thursday night. I don't normally sing on Thursday nights. Sometimes we practice
on Thursdays, but we usually do not do a concert. Between work, and homework,
dinner and baths, weekdays are all too hectic to do many concerts on a week
night. As I drove to the church, miles from my new home, I was tired and worn
from a day of work and from arguing with my teenager over the time of curfew on
this particular night, as it was a homecoming night at school and apparently
there were houses to be rolled. (BTW, whoever got mine, I know where you go to
school...I probably know where you live, lol)
Rain had set in about
Don't get me wrong, I love singing for the Lord's purpose, but this night I just had so many things on my mind, and heart and agenda. One thing that did make me grumble a little less was that this concert was a fundraiser for a young girl whom we have known since she and my oldest were kindergarten classmates. They may or may not have even been grade school sweethearts at one time. I have worked with her dad and her mom is my banker. This young lady, at the tender age of 23 has been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. So that night we did not only sing for the Glory of the Lord, but to raise money to help Rachel with her medical bills.
The sing went a little over the allotted time. It's hard to gauge a person's reactions sometimes. Sometimes it shows all over their faces. There are those that you know just love it. They are the ones, smiling, clapping, maybe singing along. There are those you are sure are only there out of a since of responsibility or perhaps they lost a bet, who knows, but their demeanor is of one less than enthusiasm. Then there are those that you just cannot gauge at all.
There was this one elderly gentleman in the crowd tonight. Many times he leaned over and spoke to the lady next to him. One minute it appeared he was not enjoying himself and then the next he appeared to immensely enjoy what he heard. He was hard to read.
Usually when singing or speaking, I will pick out faces on both sides of the center aisle. I'll look for the person who is smiling, or crying or who when my eyes land on their eyes, the Holy Spirit nudges and gently says "this one". There have been times that I take the hardest looking face in the room and will bring my gaze back to that one individual to see if my smile will make them smile. Sometimes, I'm successful, sometimes it is futile effort.
Two verses and a chorus of Just As I Am then ending with
It is the elderly gentleman. My singing didn't run him off after all. Now, I will admit, this is not a question that I get very often, but it does come up more now than ever.
You see, I've been doing this singing thing for quite a while. For many years, my husband and I had a group. We were quite popular in our area, probably one of the most popular and most used groups in our area. We had even branched out into
We were incredibly blessed, incredibly arrogant and incredibly misleading. Oh, there was a time when our efforts were well-intentioned and pure. There was a time when we believed it was all about Jesus, but there was also a time that it became about men's acclaim and notoriety. We sang of this Jesus, we served in His name, but we really did not know Him, and while we fooled ourselves we could not fool the enemy of our souls and he used this fact to steal, kill and destroy our family.
So when this gentleman asks me this, I simply say, "yes sir". Now, here is the hard part. He then asks me how frequent had it been. The Lord keeps me humble by presenting me opportunity to share my testimony. It is a story of victory through and by the blood of Jesus, but at the same time it is a story of regret that is my cross to bear.
In March of 2012, the Holy Spirit had been dealing with me for a couple of months, but it was at this point that I completely surrendered everything to him. From that point on, my transformation began.
When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God’s word to them, four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “My child, your sins are forgiven.” Mark 2:1-5
In the days this story was occurring,
it was customary for housing to be built of clay, brick and mortar. We tend
to consider any ancient structures to have thatch roofs or makeshift
walls, but this was not the case. The same handmade clay bricks would have
formed the roof as formed the walls of the house. Tiles would have been aligned
over the top to prevent damage and erosion from wind and rain. Understanding
this, it is not far-fetched to say that the men dug into no less than a foot of
cinder block.
Now envision this, the paralytic, not being able to transport himself to the roof top, must be carried or raised there by a pulley system to even get him onto the roof. This could have been no less than a major feat of stamina and strength itself and now, they begin to remove tiles of heavy clay. They then begin to chip away at the block and mortar that is this roof. Y'all, that's thicker than a paved road!
These men are desperate! They have to get their friend to Jesus!
In the Gospels we also read of a woman desperate for healing. She has had an issue of blood for 12 years. Now hold on! I know women who can't get out of the bed 7 days a month, but this woman has had this issue 12 years! Not only is she anemic, but she has subjected herself to every possible medical treatment that money can buy and you know, there was no anesthesia back then, no epidural, no laparoscopic surgery. This woman has not only suffered from her disease, but she has also suffered from her cure. As one that has had to overcome many medical obstacles myself, I can testify that sometimes the cure itself is worse than the thing you are trying to cure.
But that is not all, she does not even live in the town where she finds Jesus, so she has had to travel in her weak and unhealthy state. Once she finally gets into the general vicinity of he and his followers, the area is incredibly crowded. The accounts say she "pressed" through the crowds. In my mind, I see her making intentional, deliberate, desperate and enormous effort to get to where he is. "if I could just touch but the hem of his garment".
Do you get what she is saying? She is so desperate, that she believes that He doesn't have to pray over her or lay hands on her, nor does he have to give her some rote prayer to pray, speak in tongues over her or give her a word. If she could just touch the hem of his garment. The the lowest point of his person. This woman is crawling on the ground, in the midst of this crowd. As if this is not enough, everyone in this town knows who she is and what is wrong with her. The fence row gossips and the synagogue sisters have spread the word, she is not clean. She would have had to walk through the crowds, crying "unclean" to make those around her who did not know her of her condition aware of her presence. She is risking her own life.
She also risks the life and the reputation of the Messiah. He is a man on a mission, one that would have officially belong to a Pharisee. He is on the way to bed side of a dying girl. Acting in this capacity he is expected to be clean, pure and yet on his way the hem of his garment is touched by one considered to be unclean. In one desperate act her fingertips brush the lowest part of his person and she is made whole. In this lowly state her actions could easily have been overlooked in the crowd, yet Jesus turns and calls her out. Not to embarrass her but to restore her. Not just physically, but emotionally and he also restores her standing among her peers. When he calls her daughter he restores her reputation in the community. In an instant her desperation has been her deliverance and the one she is desperate for has become her deliverer. Years of shame fall in this moment and finally everything she has lost, been separated from, everything her illness and the enemy took from her are restored. Once again she can touch her children, she can enter her home with her loved ones, she can sit a table with friends, she can enter the courtyard of women to give thanks to the one man, the only man who had the power to bring her peace and wholeness and to take the broken pieces of her life and make them new again.
Jairus, has summons Jesus to his home. He is a father, desperate to save his child. This desperate father, though, held station in this town. He is described in Luke as the "ruler of the synagogue" and though he is not a priest, it was most likely his job to oversee the business of the local synagogue. As such, the appointment would have fallen to him to keep order in the house of God. In his plea to have Jesus come, he has just committed an incredible act of chaos. The religious rulers have all put imprisoned Christ for speaking in the local temple and in every town he continues to anger the governing body of the temple. His ways are not orthodox and he appears to have no regard for their man made laws and traditions.
Jairus is a man so desperate for the touch of the Messiah that he is willing to risk his position, his livelihood, his reputation to save his daughter.
It was in the most desperate situation of my life that the Lord chose to restore me. In my desperation, I reached out for the Lord. It was not easy either. I had my roof to dig through, I had my twelve miles to crawl, I had my reputation on the line.
I found myself lying on a mat, relying on friends to pray for me and help take care of my family. There were times I had to depend on the prayers of the warriors surrounding me because I could not break through on my own, my faith was just not strong enough.
I found myself lying in the dust, a broken and bleeding soul crying out desperately to a God that I was not even sure would even know that I was there. Trampled, unclean, tired, dying inside I just needed one touch, one word...just to hear Him call me daughter again.
I found myself desperate enough to risk losing everything. Broken, abandoned, willing to be exposed to be healed I lost so much in an instant. With one confession all that I had known was over. Like Jairus, I had no idea if I would ever be able to walk into the temple again and yet the Lord had much more for me. Like Jairus' daughter He raised me from the dead. Years of death slumber erased in a moment of faith.
It took the greatest tragedy of my life to bring me to honesty with myself, my family and the Holy Spirit. I had to be broken and spilled out to finally surrender to His will. We sing a song most frequently performed by the Issacs. It is entitled Honestly. The message in the song is quite a powerful one. It speaks of that desperation only known to the soul that recognizes that there is no other hope than Jesus. That desperation that I felt not so long ago that this man I had sang of, sang in the name of, was the only hope for my sin sick soul. Battered, broken, deliberately I just had to get to Jesus. I am grateful that He was there waiting for me.How can I say that after all the pain? Because just like the man lowered through the roof, the woman with the issue of blood, Jairus's daughter, my name may never be known throughout the Earth. Yet when I finally dug, crawled, risked getting into His presence I was never the same again. And just as he did for each of these, He called me by another name, one that is written in His book of Life...he called me His child, His daughter.
The old man recognized nothing about me. He recognized that I had been with Jesus. Is there anything better to be known for?
So tonight my friend I leave you with a dangerous challenge, it is not one to enter into lightly. It is not a challenge for the meek or faint of heart. I leave you to this, seek His presence now, before you must seek him in desperation. Get honest with yourself and your Savior. Just get to Jesus! You'll be glad you did.
The newest single from my friends, the Bowling Family featuring Hope: One Glorious Moment of Faith
