I'm Hungry...

I’m hungry…

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up Lord. Come and quench this thirsting in my soul, 

Bread of Heaven, feed me til I want no more. Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

If you follow my FB page, then I’m sure this title is hilarious to you. If you watch my post you are by now thinking to yourself “there is no way this chick is hungry".  For those of you who do not know me, or follow my FB posts, I post a lot of pictures of the foods I cook. The reason, well... I’m a boring person, lol.. No really, food was killing me and now that I have learned to cook and eat healthier, I enjoy sharing my pics and being able to tell people about the benefits of eating healthy.  In September of 2011, just before the fall (that is what I call the period of time when I walked away from the Lord) I was diagnosed with chronic typical vascular migraines after years of being missed diagnosed with muscular migraines. Learning to eat correctly saved my life.

If you follow my FB page, you will also see that Jesus covers most of my posts. You see sin was killing me, grief was killing me and hopelessness was killing me. Then I looked up.

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You. ⁴ Trust in the Lord forever,
For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.^[a]
5 For He brings down those who dwell on high,
The lofty city; He lays it low, He lays it low to the ground, He brings it down to the dust.
⁶ The foot shall tread it down— the feet of the poor and the steps of the needy.”

⁷ The way of the just is uprightness; O Most Upright, You weigh the path of the just.
⁸ Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for You;
The desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You.
⁹ With my soul I have desired You in the night,
Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early;

Tuesday began a time of baking and preparation, getting ready for my son and new daughter-in-law to come and also to have my mom, grandmother, brother, sister-in-law and niece and nephew with me on Saturday. This is the first time since Christmas of 2011 that I have hosted a family gathering. It has just been too difficult for me to muster the strength to even celebrate, much less host. But I did it. This year, (as in years past when I hosted a gathering) I prepared way too much, but we were blessed to have it.

My youngest son gave me a canvas he painted by his own hands, (with the help of my oldest son’s mother-in-law). My son and his wife gave me a necklace that I had been wanting. I gave myself the gift of a sweater and a dress. The children were well pleased with their gifts and things went along smoothly.

For the first time since Christmas of 2011, I did not cry tears of grief. This in itself was a blessing and maybe even a miracle. I did spend a little time in tears, but not tears from a broken heart this year, rather tears of a soul overwhelmed by its creator.

The sweetest gift this year came from the Holy Spirit. It seems that even my devotionals this year were about spending time with Jesus and not participating in the hustle and bustle. Lysa Turkurst’s December devotionals began with the theme of un-rushing the holidays. Jesus Calling continued the daily reminders that it is not about the chaos but about spending time with Christ. This was my goal this Christmas, to de-clutter the Holy days.

Wednesday and Thursday as I baked like a banshee, the Holy Spirit kept pleading with me not to go there. Not to create chaos were there was not any and to continue to linger with Him. Exhausted each night I collapsed into bed only to find that sleep escaped me. It was in these hours that God came to dwell with me.

My Christmas visits began Tuesday evening before Christmas and have continued even into today (Monday after Christmas). In each day Holy Spirit has come and quietly sat beside me, speaking new truths into my being. Softly whispering into the quietness of my soul, “See, I am doing a new thing”. This is not the first time the Lord has revealed this to me, but it is the first time I’ve allowed myself to fully embrace this. I wanted my old life back, I wanted my old traditions, and I wanted things to be the way they used to be. To my disappointment, it does not seem to be the way it will be.

 In the quietness of the dawn Christmas morning, I was fully prepared for the melancholia to set in and as I opened my devotions, a word for me from the Holy Spirit, delivered through the obedient prayers of a new sister in Christ. “Blessings sweet sister…in the midst of your pain you have chosen to bless others. That is why the Lord shall surely not forget you.”  Then the prayer of peace and comfort or covering and healing, of filling of every void. A prayer for new beginnings and new positioning, a shift! Out of thin air, this and three other words came, from people whose names I never knew and whose faces I have never seen. Each confirming and re-affirming the other.

Once again, HE has brought strangers into my life to speak words over me, to confirm the whispers, which my heart does not trust me to be hearing correctly. He has given me sermons from my pastor and others, over and over again to confirm the words that He has hidden in my heart. He has sent scriptures in random places and places so unexpected as there is no doubt His hand is guiding all along. Holy Spirit reminds me that the Lord has me in the palm of His hands, that I need only be still and allow him to move behind the scenes and when it seems that all is gone, He sends a voice a to place me in awe of Him once again.

It has been the kind of Christmas that has brought about His Glory. If you have read my three Christmas posts Comfort and Joy, Star Gazing and God with Us, you will understand the depths from which He has spoken to me. How this Christmas He has pursued me, more than any love ever has, He has pursued me. He has bid me to sit in quiet solitude with Him. At what I feel in my spirit is the end of this season, He has asked me to linger with Him and drink in His goodness. He has placed in me a hunger that cannot be filled with food in the natural, but only with manna from His table. Just enough to get me from day to day, yet all sufficient and satisfying. The sweetness, the caring, the kindness, the compassion leads me to tears of an all together new kind. No longer do I sit in the ash heap, I have sat this Christmas in the Holy of Holies. I have dwelt in His presence.

I sit here in the early morning, no light comes from the dark dreary rainy day outside my windows, the only light invading the darkness is that of the small fire in the hearth and the computer screen before me. (I am my grandfather's granddaughter, for I do love a fire any time of day and any season.) After devotions this morning, I scanned through my FB notifications. I saw where a FB friend, Pastor Jeff Ferguson, had made a post stating three things he would leave behind in 2014. He asked for replies. My response: pride, grief, fear.

If you have followed my blogs then you are well aware of the price I have paid in the past for each of these. 

A conversation was held in Sunday school yesterday and continued in the choir room between myself and a cousin. (Reed Waldrep, you got us thinking.) Pride is that thing that made Satan fall. Have you ever thought about this? Satan and his minions know who Jesus is and recognize his power and authority. At His name, they must flee. Another thought to ponder today, the same grace available to you and me is also available to satan. If satan would repent, turn and receive, he would stand with the righteous on judgement day. To me, that is an humbling thought; my sins are counted with the same weight as all that the evil one has done. Now, those of us who have read the back of the book, know that is not pre-destined to happen. Why? Pride and arrogance are the very nature of Satan's character. Unfortunately they are also in the very nature of man as well 

It is this pride and arrogance that has become the new veil. When Jesus cried "it is finished" on the cross, the alter was broken and the veil was torn into, offering free passage for all into the Holy of Holies, through the final perfect sacrifice. Our arrogance and pride is that veil that we place between ourselves and the Father. These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look (Proverbs 6:16) God cannot look on sin, therefore pride has no entrance into His kingdom. 

I would say I'm letting go of pride, but the truth is, I was humbled a long time ago and stripped of all my pride, but as a human there are days it wants to rear its ugly head once again. I will be ever more on guard to keep it at bay. When I look to the least of these in my path, I will not see how much better I am, but only that the Grace of the Savior has kept me from the same position. 

Grief, I gladly give up. I won't speak to this one long, if you know me at all, you already know the depths of my grief. I will be speaking to my grief in 2015, putting it in its place, like an old friend who has served his purpose for a season, but could not stay in my present life.

Fear, has been a life long battle for me and probably my biggest avenue for disobedience. Fear cost me greatly in this year alone. Doors of opportunity were flung wide to me in the summer of 2014 and out of fear, I was not obedient. My fear paralyzed me and I chose the path not laid out before. God immediately slammed every door to the wrong path in my face. More grief followed. I am choosing to speak to fear in 2015 also. It will have no more power over me again. I feel the Lord is about to open doors again, and though walking through may seem scary and unfamiliar, fear will not plant my feet and make me distrust and disobey once more.

So as this year of transition comes to a close for us all, I would like to ask you... What will you be giving up this year? Not resolutions, but reconciliations. What has the savior reconciled in your soul in 2014?

So what does 2015 hold?

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

I begin 2015 as I did 2014, seeking God design and enlightenment through fasting, ironic huh, that I am hungry yet I fast. I am hungry not for food but more enlightenment, more vision, more clarity, more…of Him.

In 2015, I believe He will usher in His purpose for me in a powerful and awesome ways that I have never seen before. I believe HE will speak to me and show me things I have never known before. I choose to dance before Him like David; I choose to follow Him in blind obedience like Gideon and Joshua. I choose to praise Him in the midst of the inconvenient like His mother, Mary. I choose to seek His face like Solomon.

 I have three friends that I am believing I will see their complete healing in 2015, that they will be made whole again and that doctors and nurses and outsiders will stand in amazement  and ask “how can this be?” and we will be able to say “it was our Jehovah”.

 I have other friends that are beginning ministries, or like myself are bringing new ministries from the ashes of the old. I am believing that God is going to use us in ways that will astound the unbeliever and the believer alike. That the unbeliever will say “I want that” and the believer will repent from complacency and rekindle the fires to have all that the Lord offers.  

I am believing that 2015 will leave us breathless in the presence of a Father that loves us too much to let us remain the same. I pray for you that you will allow yourself to go deeper with the Father, that you will open your heart and mind to receive all He has for you, to like myself allow him to push you out of your comfort zone and into the fullness of His purpose for your life.  I pray you get hungry. In 2015 I’m trading my birth pains for hunger pains. Lord, keep me hungry, keep me humble, keep me in the center of Your will. In 2015, come Lord Jesus, have Your way in me.

*Remember, if you cannot see the song link on your mobile device,

try from a pc. 

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Happy New Year!

Shannon

God with Us

God with Us

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel (which means, God with us).” Matthew 1:23

Emmanuel, God with us....Over and over the last couple of days these are the words that come to my heart. Once again today it is the theme of the day.

Until this morning I did not know what to call this last season of my life. For two years I had lived in a perpetual state of grief. Not just a low point, not just a state of feeling down and out, but one of ultimate despair. Maybe you understand despair, perhaps you don't.  Despair is that season where it seems that all hope is lost. When it is just too difficult to put one foot in front of the  other and it requires effort to even get out of bed in the morning. That season I will forever call my Ichabod season.

 Ichabod was the name given to Eli's grandson. After the Ark of the Covenant was captured, Eli fell from a chair, breaking his neck,  killing him. His sons both killed in battle, and Phineas' wife left alone to give birth, names the son Ichabod, "inglorious" or "the glory has departed"

Jentezen Franklin spoke on this very subject this morning. Oh, what a blessing that message was. If you have an opportunity check it out.   .Immanuel is Mightier than Ichobad

"The Glory has departed" that is how it felt for so long, though really not true. It is difficult in these seasons to see God's hand in all that is going on around us. This thing that brought the despair is so at the fore front of our minds we see nothing else. For me, it was clinging to the hope in cruel situations that I could not control. It was placing my hope in man to be disappointed over and over again. It was fighting against the free will placed in each human soul and not being able to right the wrongs of the consequences of the actions of myself and others. It was feeling that because of someone else's disobedience to God, I was somehow unloveable.  Every prayer seemingly unanswered causes the despair to multiply around us. Despair, like darkness, deepens as the night goes on.

There is a phenomena, discovered in the 1973, after a 6 day bank heist in Stockholm, Germany. Coined "Stockholm Syndrome", the hostages formed and emotional bond with their captor, even to the point of offering themselves as a shield for his safety, once leaving the makeshift garrison.

To some of us, our relationship with despair becomes something akin to Stockholm Syndrome. It is all too familiar, and if we stay there too long it become our companion. We nurture it and it fully envelopes us. At some point we either make a conscience decision to disrobe ourselves of despair or we make an unconsciousness decision to remain in the painful, yet familiar pit.

For me, the time in the pit was far too long. The despair too comfortable. Though the enemy would have had me, the Almighty was merciful. When the enemy would scream my insecurities day and night, the Holy Spirit was faithful. Scriptures, words of knowledge, phone calls, text messages, the only explanation...God.

I would have perished if I had not known I would see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living.

Fear Not...

 Jesus' very birth announcement began with these words.   When the angels appeared to the lowliest of humankind to announce the birth of the King of kings;  the very first words were "fear not".

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, In God I trust; I will not be afraid.

What can mortal man do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4

These are the words spoken to me over the last couple of years. Fear not, do not be afraid, be strong and courageous, be of good courage... promises and commandments from the Father. Promises that He will never leave me or forsake me. He is with me. God is with me...

I sit here in the wee morning hours, the only light comes from the Christmas tree and the fireplace. The rest of the house is dark, and quiet. Solitude is the word that comes to mind. For those of you that know me well, you know that solitude is both my friend and my enemy. It is during these times that I can delve into the deepest recesses of my mind and the fear takes hold of me out of no where like a cold, icy grip on the back of your neck when you least expect it, and yet it does not startle me. I can settle into its arms as comfortably as a cradled babe. It is in moments like this that I have learned that I must make a conscious effort to cast down these fears, to speak to the voice that says all hope is lost and remind the demons that my God is with me.  MY God...is with ME. 

My God chose to make himself a little lower than the angels, to come to the earth He created, as the most helpless of creatures... a newborn baby. Creator and son in one small, flesh covered gift of perfect sacrifice. The sacrifice was made even before the cross.  Do we ever stop to wonder, the glory that He left, to come and dwell among us? 

There are two kinds of tears that I shed these days. Those for deep regrets and days gone by and those that come when I am overwhelmed by the love of my Savior. Both can come without warning and both flow freely from the purest portion of my heart and soul. In this moment, it is the latter that stream freely down my cheeks. In these quiet moments, Holy Spirit has set himself down with me, taking my hands in his and softly reminding me in quiet whispers of the good. Small glimpses of hope, provisions and promises, just enough Grace for the moment. 

We "church folk" sure can miss it sometimes. We speak our "Christianese", "grace for the moment", "mercies new every morning", "God with us". It is so easy for those of us who have been in church for any length of time to spout off our cliches to others in cute little quip answers, but do we ever get real and examine what these cliches mean to us. No, really! 

If I have learned anything that I can offer to you over the last few years, it is this. Get real, it is personal. "Grace for the moment" oh how I wish I could adequately pen into words what this now means for me. How at the very moments that I had no hope, Grace found its way through the darkness to rescue me in that very instant while teetering over the abyss of despair. If I could give you each a gift this Christmas it would be to linger. To stop, abruptly in the middle of the madness, the hustle and bustle, the chaos we have created in the name of celebrating the Christ Child. I would give you the gift of being overwhelmed, by the baby, by the Father, by the Savior, the Holy Spirit, by what it all truly means. I would give you the gift of my tears, tears that for the very first time in my small, fragile existence, understand the True meaning of Christmas.

I am reminded tonight of Christ's words to his disciples, "I'm sending what my Father has promised, wait here (in the city), until you are filled with power from on high". He is still here with us. It is not just a fairy tale in a Holy Book. It is redemption wrapped in scraps of cloth. It is hope and joy in fleshly form laid in straw. It is a cruel crucifixion for the sins of the world. It is an empty tomb and a risen Savior. It is a fresh wind in an upper room. It is the hands and feet, given that we might share His love to the masses.  It is a precious promise and a provision from a father who loved us so much he would not leave us alone.. He searched for us, He found us, He calls us from the deep, He  lingers with us, He holds us, He comforts us. Hallelujah, we have been found! He is with us!  Immanuel!

Merry Christmas, 

Shannon

Star Gazing

In just 5 short years, I will be the age of my father when he was tragically taken from this world all too soon. Just two weeks short of my high school graduation, I desperately sought ways to cope with the loss that left an incredible void in my life and hole in my heart. I worked late into the evenings at the local grocery store. Many times after working well into the night, I would drive to some remote dirt road, pull to the side and park. For hours on end, I would lay on the warm metal of the hood of my car, gazing into the massive galaxy above. Though far from the Lord at the time, I would talk to him, I would cry to him, I would sing to him.

Now, I lay under that same big sky. I gazed at the same stars that the Creator put into position in the beginning of time. The same stars under which I have lay so many times in my life, and once again, I talk to Him, I cry to Him and I sing to Him.

 Every few moments a meteor will rain down., coming so close its seems impossible that it does not reach the Earth. Seven layers of atmosphere, approximately 400 miles in thickness, protect this ball of land, water and air that spins in perfect orbit around the sun,which is placed at the exact distance  to sustain life. These atmospheric layers protect the Earth from anything that should come hurdling through space. In the mesophere, the meteors encounter friction which causes combustion and essentially evaporating the meteor. Periodically, meteors will survive the fall through all layers and will fall to Earth as meteorites, mercifully small enough to never be noticed.  Provision to protect humanity from the possibility of destruction.

John 1:14 - And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

It was under this very same sky, over 2000 years ago that the Creator became the Created, entering the world in the lowliest of circumstances, birthed through the very womb that He created.  Under these same stars angels appeared to lowly shepherds and kings took notice of the signs in the night sky. Heaven's Glory came to Earth in the form of a helpless infant to make provision for pauper and prince alike. The breath of God entered the Word of God in meager fleshly form to provide the perfect sacrifice to save humanity from eternal desolation.

As Mary lay there under that starry night sky, as she pondered all these things in her heart, did she too look into the vastness of this huge universe of ours and speak to her God? Did she cry out to Him, pleading for another way to save man, other than the sleeping baby boy lying on her breast? Did she still sing her song of praise, "let it be unto me as your have said"? Did God mercifully hide His plan of provision from even the very vessel who gave him human form?

Provision, protection, the one perfect sacrifice to take away the sins of man.

John 1:2 Through Him all things were made, without Him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light that shines in darkness,  but darkness understood it not.

It amazes me how the Holy Spirit will confirm what He has spoken to our hearts. Last night as I lay under that crisp, clear, starry sky,  watching as meteors shot across a velvety, black background;  thoughts and ideas bombarded my mind and spirit just as those meteors darted across that vast canvas. The need to write it all down was overwhelming. This morning when I awoke, I turned on the television and Jentezen Franklin was on. His sermon today, sometimes the Star Will Lead You to the Stable.  Then, during the sermon today at my home church, more confirmation.

Isaiah 9:2 The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined

In the beginning pages of every Bible, in chapter one and verse three, God calls forth light. He speaks it into being. "Let there be light" are the first words spoken by God. The sun, moon and stars are placed into their positions on the sixth day and reveal their light as well. In the King James Bible the word light is used 272 times in 235 verses. Light pierced the darkness in those first moments, as the Trinity spoke the universe into existence and the symbolism for the plan of salvation is set into motion.

Throughout the Bible, Jesus is referred as the light, the one to dispel the darkness. He declares himself to be "the light of the world". He is referred to as the lamp stand and the light of salvation. Throughout the Old Testament references are continuously made to light. A burning bush in a desert, a rainbow reflecting its light after forty days of continuous rain and destruction,a pillar of light at night to travel safely by. The glory of the Lord shown as light on Moses' face after he came down from the mountain. All symbolic of the provision for the sin of man, a light to a lost and dying world, lying in a manger underneath a starry sky. 

It is not uncommon today for parents, friends and family to go to great expense to welcome a new born child into this world. Nurseries are prepared with matching bedding and curtains, walls are decorated with the same theme. There will be bassinets, strollers, bottles, blankets, swings, the list is endless. Photographs are taken before the blessed event to inform family and friends of the impending arrival and thousands of dollars are spent every year to record the first year of life. Before the birth even takes place it is not far fetched to say the wee babe will have already received more gifts than will ever be utilized. 

Hebrews 2:9-13 - But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death, crowned with glory and honour; that he by the grace of God should taste death for every man.

  His time, though relatively short, transcended social barriers, elevated the lowly and humbled the arrogant. He taught, he healed, he loved and if that is all He had done, we would still worship Him. Yet, that was never his mission. He came, knowing the master plan, knowing that he would be the ultimate sacrifice for the sins of man. Being one with the Father, fully aware of how his days on Earth would end.

It is my prayer, this last week of advent, that you my friends would come to know Him. Not the sweet little baby that we all think of during this time of year, but the light of the world sent to all mankind. no matter station or status, the savior of us all. The One  true king left His heavenly throne to come to Earth in human form. To enter this world as all humankind does. To live as his creation, to die for his creation.  Just a helpless infant from the womb of a willing vessel, born under a night sky in the lowliest of places, made just a little lower than the angels who announced his birth. Born the light of the world for shepherds and kings alike, star gazers.

it is my greatest desire for you this Christmas,  that the words penned here, will like that star,  draw you closer to the stable. Where no longer a new born baby, but a risen Savior awaits to welcome you into His kingdom for all eternity.

Merry Christmas, 

Shannon

Comfort and Joy

Comfort and Joy

 Psalm 27:13-14: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

My life has come in seasons. There were the seasons of my childhood, seasons as a young rambunctious adult, seasons as a wife and mother,  which I will always cherish, though some memories now are painful. But  now I have, hesitantly at first, begun a new season.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” – Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

Most people find comfort in traditions and the familiar. I once did so myself. In the not so distance past, my life would have been so terribly different. Thanksgiving Day would have begun a season of constant entertaining. My table would have been spread with various southern traditional dishes. My granny's cornbread dressing would have the place of honor, as we all would gladly trade you a turkey for piping hot servings of her dressing. When she added oysters to it you would have a fight on your hands for the last spoonful. 

As a child we had family Thanksgivings in Alabama with my dad's extended family. There was always turkey for days.  My aunts would cook enough for our small army of extended cousins and more. We would have turkey sandwiches and turkey salad and turkey and turkey, until you just couldn't take one more mouthful of turkey.

 Christmas Eve was always with my mom's family and there was always more turkey and Granny's famous dressing. After we had hastily torn into all packages, my granddaddy would gather all the wrappings (you had better hope you had not left a small piece in the mix) and outside to the fire pit he would go. There were always great aunts and uncles dropping in along with second and third cousins galore.

Christmas day was with my dad's family. This day was always a little more interesting, as there was inevitably  the possibility of discord among the three siblings. Just as you never knew what you would be unwrapping from under the silver tinsel Christmas tree with red, green and blue spotlight, you never knew what the mood would be like.  Despite my grandmother's best efforts and my grandfather's earnest prayers, the entertainment value depended entirely on the level of sobriety of my father's siblings and their spouses or significant others.

On Christmas Eve in our home, it was always a tradition that we got to unwrap one present from under the tree. We would spend hours shaking the gifts, turning them in every direction, trying to guess what each shining and bow laden package could hold. All in preparation for deciding which gift to open before bedtime. My mother always made Christmas special. Every pair of socks even got their own fancifully wrapped box. Bows!! My mother was big on bows! Not the peel and stick kind either, every package had a curly tail, homemade bow hopelessly imprisoning it. They were beautiful, but enough to exasperate a child bent on tearing into gifts expediently.

Christmas mornings my brother and I were up bright and early to see what Santa had left under the tree. Daddy would always make waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and biscuits. Both sets of grandparents would come to visit and see all that Santa had left.

 Once I married, new traditions were made with my new family. My husband, children and in-laws always camped in the mountains of North Georgia during Thanksgiving and Easter. Christmas was always a time when my mother-in-law completely out did herself and from Thanksgiving to New Year's there was always some form of entertaining. 

When my oldest son was born, we began a tradition of purchasing a Christmas book and an ornament to go with it, then each night leading up to Christmas, we would read a book and hang the corresponding ornament on the tree. Each Christmas Eve, my father-in-law would read the Christmas Story from one of the Gospels to us before exchanging gifts.

My only daughter entered this world in a dramatic and climactic way on New Year's day of 1999. She being the only girl in a family of male grandchildren, we quickly adapted our traditions to include special birthday recognition for this child the doctors told us we would never have. (and yes, she is just a little spoiled from it). From the beginning, birthday traditions for each of the children included a family party and a party with their friends. Extravagant? Yes. Necessary? No. Cherished? Yes. Just as were each of the children we were blessed with. Children whom man said were impossible, whom I almost lost my life for in each delivery, yet God specializes in the impossible does He not?

Now the traditions only serve as reminders of a once beautiful life. A life that no longer exists and thoughts of repeating the same traditions no longer bring comfort to me. The "ghosts' of the past linger around every corner. In An Affair to Remember, one of my favorite lines used to be when Debra Kerr would say "Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories." For a while now, I have thought that selective amnesia would be a merciful gift from above.

 My oldest son has married now and lives in Nashville. My daughter is at that age that she wants little to do with anyone except her friends and my youngest son, mercifully, has very few 'normal"memories of what our once "perfect" life used to be.

My daughter and I have done our best to work around the echoes. In our new home, there is very little there to remind us of our old life. Each bedroom is decorated a little differently than our old home. From the colors on the walls to most of the furnishings we have surrounded ourselves with new memories. Furniture has been replaced or painted, the once rustic trappings of golds and jewel tones have been traded for modern tone on tone grays with pops of colors. 

The keepsake ornaments that we once enjoyed unwrapping and reminiscing over each year, have been carefully and lovingly, crated awaiting the day when I pass them down to the children. Traditional decorations of burgandys and golds, and the rustic decor from other portions of the old house have been traded for funky and fun, bright reds and greens. The only ghost of Christmas past evident now is in the one tree that stand majestically in the corner of its new home.

It is in the new and unfamiliar that I find my comfort now. God has entered me into new seasons of my life. For years now, He has spoken into my spirit that He is doing a "new thing". Most people find change as hard to accept. I have learned to embrace the unfamiliar with a renewed passion. 

When the Lord first began to reveal His purpose to me, he began bringing into my life new people and opportunities that never would have happened before...doors that no man could open and no man could shut. From social media to church, connections through a brief relationship, connections through music; all Divine appointments that just a few shorts years ago, I never would have dreamed possible.

As I began to surrender my will to the will of the Lord, he began speaking to me that I had a much higher purpose and a much higher calling. He replaced my heart of stone with a longing to serve others. There are a couple of areas of missions work that I feel an incredible draw to and I will tell you, it can only be Divine.  Just this week, God revealed to me a part of my next season. Through connections that can only be described as divine, I have begun to see some of the promise unfolding. 

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.   And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.   Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God.”  Ezekiel 36:26-28

In our past lives we were not wealthy, but we enjoyed much. Last December we left the only home my children had ever known. It was not luxurious, but it was better than many people will ever see.  We vacationed several times a year, we traveled almost weekly singing, we ate out a lot, we socialized continuously. During the years that I was on the road every weekend, we had a maid. (Man, I miss Miss Lily! ). We had decent cars and every trip to the store yielded something that really was just a want and not a need. This transition has been the hardest for my daughter most of all. Being only 15, she had a routine and she liked it, she had traditions ingrained and was not quite ready to be kicked out of her comfort zone. My children were privileged. My family was privileged and yet we did very little for others.

The Tuesday night before Thanksgiving, my daughter and I had an opportunity to be of service and to let her see that as bad as we have had it over the last couple of years, there is always someone who is worse off. So we bundled up with coats and mittens, extra socks and multiple layers.  We made the trek to downtown Nashville to the Jefferson Street Bridge in our warm car with the heated seats. We, along with those that we have claimed as "our Nashville Church Family",  listened to be given our instructions. There she and I witnessed as a community of civic organizations, churches and even an entire football team, including cheerleaders, came together to serve Thanksgiving dinner to more than 150 of Nashville's homeless. The sight was deeply humbling.

I stood at the front while awaiting instructions and spoke to a friend of mine with whom my family group used to sing on occasions. As he and I discussed the events of the night, my daughter came walking up to me with an odd expression on her face. After re-introducing her to Steve, (she had not seen him since she was three), she made the comment "mom, most of these people look just like us". With a knowing smile, I spoke back to her "honey, there are all God's children just like us." Steve then said to her, "Chrissi, the thing to remember is, we are all just one poor choice away from living under a bridge." That moment was priceless. In just a couple of hours, in a new and different experience completely foreign to my once self-absorbed, self-serving family a new way of thinking entered our souls. In this cold, dirty, dreary place so far removed from our little warm living room, gratitude and servitude sprung forth like a blossom in springtime.

18Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. 19"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.  Isiah 43:18-19

It is opportunities like this and others that have presented themselves in the last couple of years, and the Lord continues to open doors as he guides me into a deeper walk with the Holy Spirit and into more service minded ministry. He is calling me into something bigger than myself, something to better the lives of others. Something to take, and I think keep me, out of my comfort zone into the unknown realms of servitude. It calls me like a Siren's Song, though not to danger but to fulfill the Great Commission of our Lord and Savior, to reach out to those who are the "least of these". While I may not have worldly treasures to bestow, I do have two hands to serve, two feet to go and a mouth to tell them who Jesus is. So I fully embrace the changes, the unfamiliar, and I look forward to the next adventure the Lord leads me to.

 “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 3:13-14

Tests the Spirits

Test the Spirits

1 John 4 English Standard Version (ESV)

4 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. ² By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, ³ and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. ⁴ Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. ⁵ They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. ⁶ We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

The scripture above is given to us for a specific reason. The spirit of anti-Christ was unleashed on this world the moment that Satan rebelled in Heaven.  There has been and will be, until Christ comes again, those who would come in the name of Jesus to deceive us.

Children do not be fooled by even those that stand in leadership over you. From the pastor to piano player, from the worship leader to the women’s ministry department head, from the Sunday School teacher to the head deacon; if they sit in a position of authority, test the spirits.

In our society it has become commonplace to accept everything that makes us feel good. The mega church that sits under the the false teacher because the numbers are high and the church is popular, the worship leader with the charismatic personality who plays the songs that make our emotions soar, the entertainer who sings/plays so well we get lost in the admiration of them, all proof that we are all too willing to sit under the spirit of anti-Christ.

We do all fall short of the Glory of God and His grace is sufficient to cover our sins, but the Holy Spirit is there to convict us of our sins and grace covers the sinner that is repentant, not the sinner that uses grace as an excuse to continue living in that sin. When Jesus rescued the adulterous woman his words to her were “Go and sin no more”  he did not say to her “Go back to what you were doing.”  Dr. Bryce Klabunde, Soul Care Pastor, College Avenue Baptist Church, San Diego, CA gives us six signs of true repentance.

1. Repentant people are willing to confess all their sins, not just the sins that got them in trouble. A house isn't clean until you open every closet and sweep every corner. People who truly desire to be clean are completely honest about their lives. No more secrets.
2. Repentant people face the pain that their sin caused others. They invite the victims of their sin (anyone hurt by their actions) to express the intensity of emotions that they feel—anger, hurt, sorrow, and disappointment. Repentant people do not give excuses or shift blame. They made the choice to hurt others, and they must take full responsibility for their behavior.
3. Repentant people ask forgiveness from those they hurt. They realize that they can never completely “pay off” the debt they owe their victims. Repentant people don’t pressure others to say, “I forgive you.” Forgiveness is a journey, and the other person needs time to deal with the hurt before they can forgive. All that penitent people can do is admit their indebtedness and humbly request the undeserved gift of forgiveness.
4. Repentant people remain accountable to a small group of mature Christians. They gather a group of friends around themselves who hold them accountable to a plan for clean living. They invite the group to question them about their behaviors. And they follow the group’s recommendations regarding how to avoid temptation.
5. Repentant people accept their limitations. They realize that the consequences of their sin (including the distrust) will last a long time, perhaps the rest of their lives. They understand that they may never enjoy the same freedom that other people enjoy. Sex offenders or child molesters, for example, should never be alone with children. Alcoholics must abstain from drinking. Adulterers must put strict limitations on their time with members of the opposite sex. That’s the reality of their situation, and they willingly accept their boundaries.
6. Repentant people are faithful to the daily tasks God has given them. We serve a merciful God who delights in giving second chances. God offers repentant people a restored relationship with Him and a new plan for life. Listen to Hosea’s promise to rebellious Israel:

Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. (Hosea 6:1-2, emphasis added)

Now, I know that someone is going to start screaming, “judge not, lest you be judged”!  It happens every time. I am not saying we need to beat someone over the head with their sin. What I am saying is that we should be very careful to not sit under the tutelage of a person who continues in their sin.  There is a difference between willful sin and ignorance. 

Steve Brandon in his sermons, If We Go On Sinning Willfully states, "Sinning willfully" are those who pursue their sin rather than pursuing Christ. "I know that Jesus says this is wrong. But, I don't believe Him. I don't believe that He's going to punish me. I'm going to do what I want to do."

Heb 10:26  For if we willfully persist in sin after having received the full knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains in reserve any other sacrifice for sins. 

The grace message of today says Jesus died once for all our sins, past, present and future. We like this, it is warm and fuzzy and makes us feel good. It gives us the rationalization that we need to continue in our sin. There is truth in this, however, it is a dangerous statement to make without the disclaimer that willful sin is not the same as a sin perpetrated in ignorance. The person proclaiming Christianity for decades, yet continuing in their sin, is given over to a reprobate mind. Their conscience is seared and if placed in a position of leadership or high visibility, then the risk is run that others will be lead astray. "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea" Mark 9:42

One might argue my attitude to be Pharisaical, but it is with great humility that I write these words. It is from my own personal perspective that I offer this observation. Also, I do not say any of this to boast or brag, but out of a grateful heart, I convey this account.   When the Holy Spirit began to deal with my sin, I was teaching a class on Wednesday nights to middle schoolers. I so fell under conviction that I had to surrender my position in the children's department. It was more than my conscience could bear, knowing that my fruits did not align with my beliefs. Even years after my turning from my sin, I still grieve at the thought that someone, most especially my own children, may stumble because of my sin. Though my sin has been confessed, turned from and is covered again by the Blood of Jesus, though God himself would say to me "what sin?", in His mercy He allows me to remember the weight of that sin so as to never repeat it again. 

Paul teaches in his writings to Timothy, the conduct of a pastor. He is very specific in his definitions and and instructions. While the Ten Commandments gives the Code of Conduct per-say to every Christian, Levitical law and Paul's teachings are very detailed in the conduct of those in positions of leadership in the church. So I contend with you that it is imperative that we place ourselves and our children under the teaching of those who are above reproach. 

Matt 7:17-20 (BBE) 
17 Even so, every good tree gives good fruit; but the bad tree gives evil fruit. 18 It is not possible for a good tree to give bad fruit, and a bad tree will not give good fruit. 19 Every tree which does not give good fruit is cut down and put in the fire. 20 So by their fruits you will get knowledge of them 

With all this said, the Grace of God is available to all of us. It is God's delight to restore the repentant heart. He is the God of second chances and to those of us He restores, he gives the responsibility to share our testimonies to strengthen and encourage, but also to warn others. When Jesus was speaking to the woman at the well, he did not ignore her sin, on the contrary, he told her of ALL her sin. He did not cover her sin, yet gave her the key to overcoming that sin.

Hebrews 5:12-14New International Version (NIV)

12 In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13 Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Each of us has been given a calling to share in the Great Commission, to preach the Good News of Salvation through Jesus Christ, and it is God's desire that we each grow in spiritual maturity to be available and able to fulfill our call. It is only then through sound teaching and Biblical truth that we are able to do so. So it is imperative that we be able to discerns the spirits, especially of those under whom we sit. For on the day of judgement we will be accountable for our actions and our actions only, and that includes having knowledge of wrongdoing and the acceptance of it. 

It is time for the church to arise, to investigate and not be lead like sheep to slaughter. It is time for her to live beyond the milk and partake of the meat. It is time for us to measure up to the standard set by Christ himself. I implore us all to live by the Holy Spirit, to harken to that little voice that says "this is not correct" and to  check all things through the Word of God. The Holy Spirit will NEVER tell us to do anything contrary to the Word of God and I do not believe the Lord would wish for us to sit under the teaching of those who twist the Word to rationalize their own willful sin.  

Praise the Lord, He provides us all with a way out of our sin. He is faithful to forgive when we come to him with a contrite heart and He gives us the Holy Spirit to guide into all truth. 

*While I may not personally ascribe that all of the preachers listed here are false, I do believe the basic word behind the lyrics of this song.