You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.Psalm 56:8 NLT
He Bottles Our Tears...
I guess the words to the song, Praise You In the Storm, say it best for me..."Every tear I've cried, You held in your hands". It's not really surprising that a song would speak to me best. Having made my public singing debut at the age of three in a little church named for my great- great-great grandmother, in the little town where I was raised, music has always been a significant factor in my life.
I'm Shannon... mother, singer, teacher, former wife...avulsed wife.
The Free dictionary defines avulsion as the traumatic tearing away of a limb. Amputation was too pretty a word. Amputation is a nice surgical cut that heals well. Avulsion? Yeah, that's probably a more accurate term. It has been documented that amputees often continue to feel a "ghost" sensation or complain of pain in the no longer existent limb. Statistics say that up to 80% of amputees have "phantom" pain.
I get this. Really, I do. Think about it, a limb is part of a whole body. The marriage covenant makes us one flesh. The Bible says in Malachi 2:16 "Indeed, the LORD God of Israel says that he hates divorce, along with the one who conceals his violence by outward appearances," says the LORD of the Heavenly Armies. "So guard yourselves carefully, and don't be unfaithful." ISV. Divorce is the ultimate violence. Its a tearing and ripping away of a one flesh covenant. Not only does it destroy the marriage covenant, but the children of that covenant are part of that one flesh. Divorce destroys. Plain and simple.
So if you are still reading this.. I invite you to join me at this point in my journey. Some days are better than others..some the pain is still so raw that it engulfs me like a dark, wet blanket while I shudder, remembering the betrayal like it was just yesterday. I cried for a year and a half, all day, every day, from February 21, 2012 to September of 2013. So, as I begin to pull the tattered pieces of my life back into something that resembles the old me, I will be sharing my innermost thoughts across the airwaves. There will be days when I will speak from my day to day musings. Then there will be those days when I step back in time to speak from the past, including the gleanings of wisdom along the way. As I meet others through out my journey I will be incorporating their stories. As I can speak to many issues of pain and healing, there are still those areas that I have not dealt with and God is placing incredible people in my path all the time, to fill in the gaps of my ministry.
As dismal as it has been, God has truly blessed me. This has been a bitter sweet journey, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that without the tragedy that spiraled my life impossibly out of control, I would not be walking in full obedience to the Holy Spirit at this moment. There has been beauty from these ashes and I am incredibly grateful.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle, you have recorded each one. My mission, to not let one tear be wasted. Over the course of these two and a half years, six people prophesied to a ministry coming from out of these ashes. So....here goes my feeble attempt to record every tear. To put into words every thought, feeling, insight, revelation and word from the Holy Spirit, in hopes that somehow, having survived the worst season of my life, God will use this humble, surrendered heart to heal someone else who may just be beginning their journey. Prayerfully, I hope he will use me to prevent other marriages from heading the way of divorce. Maybe there is some wife out there whose thoughts are straying and my words will somehow help to soften a heart. Perhaps there is some abandoned spouse out there who will see this blog and realize that someone else has survived the horrific pain of abandonment and rejection. Or just maybe, there is one soul out there who just needs to see Jesus in the middle all their suffering. I do not know. What I do know is, every season is temporary dear one, Jesus will see you through. He sees your tears as well. I for one am grateful that He has bottled and recorded every one. I am grateful that He has chosen to use me and my tears for such a time as this.
God's blessings,
Shannon
So if you are still reading this.. I invite you to join me at this point in my journey. Some days are better than others..some the pain is still so raw that it engulfs me like a dark, wet blanket while I shudder, remembering the betrayal like it was just yesterday. I cried for a year and a half, all day, every day, from February 21, 2012 to September of 2013. So, as I begin to pull the tattered pieces of my life back into something that resembles the old me, I will be sharing my innermost thoughts across the airwaves. There will be days when I will speak from my day to day musings. Then there will be those days when I step back in time to speak from the past, including the gleanings of wisdom along the way. As I meet others through out my journey I will be incorporating their stories. As I can speak to many issues of pain and healing, there are still those areas that I have not dealt with and God is placing incredible people in my path all the time, to fill in the gaps of my ministry.
As dismal as it has been, God has truly blessed me. This has been a bitter sweet journey, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that without the tragedy that spiraled my life impossibly out of control, I would not be walking in full obedience to the Holy Spirit at this moment. There has been beauty from these ashes and I am incredibly grateful.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle, you have recorded each one. My mission, to not let one tear be wasted. Over the course of these two and a half years, six people prophesied to a ministry coming from out of these ashes. So....here goes my feeble attempt to record every tear. To put into words every thought, feeling, insight, revelation and word from the Holy Spirit, in hopes that somehow, having survived the worst season of my life, God will use this humble, surrendered heart to heal someone else who may just be beginning their journey. Prayerfully, I hope he will use me to prevent other marriages from heading the way of divorce. Maybe there is some wife out there whose thoughts are straying and my words will somehow help to soften a heart. Perhaps there is some abandoned spouse out there who will see this blog and realize that someone else has survived the horrific pain of abandonment and rejection. Or just maybe, there is one soul out there who just needs to see Jesus in the middle all their suffering. I do not know. What I do know is, every season is temporary dear one, Jesus will see you through. He sees your tears as well. I for one am grateful that He has bottled and recorded every one. I am grateful that He has chosen to use me and my tears for such a time as this.
God's blessings,
Shannon
Shannon, this is truly beautifully spoken. I firmly believe that God can better use the those who have been broken. Our precious Jesus became broken like one of us so that He could sympathize in our weaknesses. This holy and magnificent thought assures me that by His stripes we are healed. And because He heals, we will heal others. After we have suffered awhile, he will stablish, strengthen and settle us.Prays for you as you continue this journey.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, thank you so much my sweet friend. I have an idea we need to connect on soon. I can't wait to begin reading your new blog. Blessings my friend. ♡
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