I’m hungry…
Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up Lord. Come and quench this thirsting in my soul,
Bread of Heaven, feed me til I want no more. Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.
If you follow my FB page, then I’m sure this title is
hilarious to you. If you watch my post you are by now thinking to yourself “there
is no way this chick is hungry". For
those of you who do not know me, or follow my FB posts, I post a lot of
pictures of the foods I cook. The reason, well... I’m a boring person, lol.. No
really, food was killing me and now that I have learned to cook and eat
healthier, I enjoy sharing my pics and being able to tell people about the
benefits of eating healthy. In September
of 2011, just before the fall (that is what I call the period of time when I
walked away from the Lord) I was diagnosed with chronic typical vascular
migraines after years of being missed diagnosed with muscular migraines. Learning
to eat correctly saved my life.
If you follow my FB page, you will also see that Jesus
covers most of my posts. You see sin was killing me, grief was killing me and
hopelessness was killing me. Then I looked up.
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You. 4 Trust in the Lord forever,
For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.[a]
5 For He brings down those who dwell on high,
The lofty city; He lays it low, He lays it low to the ground, He brings it down to the dust.
6 The foot shall tread it down— the feet of the poor and the steps of the needy.”
Because he trusts in You. 4 Trust in the Lord forever,
For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.[a]
5 For He brings down those who dwell on high,
The lofty city; He lays it low, He lays it low to the ground, He brings it down to the dust.
6 The foot shall tread it down— the feet of the poor and the steps of the needy.”
7 The way of the just is uprightness; O Most
Upright, You weigh the path of the just.
8 Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for You;
The desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You.
9 With my soul I have desired You in the night,
Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early;
8 Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for You;
The desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You.
9 With my soul I have desired You in the night,
Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early;
Tuesday began a time of baking and preparation, getting
ready for my son and new daughter-in-law to come and also to have my mom,
grandmother, brother, sister-in-law and niece and nephew with me on Saturday. This
is the first time since Christmas of 2011 that I have hosted a family
gathering. It has just been too difficult for me to muster the strength to even
celebrate, much less host. But I did it. This year, (as in years past when I
hosted a gathering) I prepared way too much, but we were blessed to have it.
My youngest son gave me a canvas he painted by his own hands,
(with the help of my oldest son’s mother-in-law). My son and his wife gave me a
necklace that I had been wanting. I gave myself the gift of a sweater and a
dress. The children were well pleased with their gifts and things went along
smoothly.
For the first time since Christmas of 2011, I did not cry
tears of grief. This in itself was a blessing and maybe even a miracle. I did
spend a little time in tears, but not tears from a broken heart this year,
rather tears of a soul overwhelmed by its creator.
The sweetest gift this year came from the Holy Spirit. It
seems that even my devotionals this year were about spending time with Jesus
and not participating in the hustle and bustle. Lysa Turkurst’s December
devotionals began with the theme of un-rushing the holidays. Jesus Calling
continued the daily reminders that it is not about the chaos but about spending
time with Christ. This was my goal this Christmas, to de-clutter the Holy days.
Wednesday and Thursday as I baked like a banshee, the Holy
Spirit kept pleading with me not to go there. Not to create chaos were there
was not any and to continue to linger with Him. Exhausted each night I
collapsed into bed only to find that sleep escaped me. It was in these hours
that God came to dwell with me.
My Christmas visits began Tuesday evening before Christmas
and have continued even into today (Monday after Christmas). In each day Holy
Spirit has come and quietly sat beside me, speaking new truths into my being.
Softly whispering into the quietness of my soul, “See, I am doing a new thing”.
This is not the first time the Lord has revealed this to me, but it is the
first time I’ve allowed myself to fully embrace this. I wanted my old life
back, I wanted my old traditions, and I wanted things to be the way they used
to be. To my disappointment, it does not seem to be the way it will be.
In the quietness of
the dawn Christmas morning, I was fully prepared for the melancholia to set in
and as I opened my devotions, a word for me from the Holy Spirit, delivered
through the obedient prayers of a new sister in Christ. “Blessings sweet sister…in
the midst of your pain you have chosen to bless others. That is why the Lord
shall surely not forget you.” Then the
prayer of peace and comfort or covering and healing, of filling of every void. A
prayer for new beginnings and new positioning, a shift! Out of thin air, this
and three other words came, from people whose names I never knew and whose
faces I have never seen. Each confirming and re-affirming the other.
Once again, HE has brought strangers into my life to speak
words over me, to confirm the whispers, which my heart does not trust me to be
hearing correctly. He has given me sermons from my pastor and others, over and
over again to confirm the words that He has hidden in my heart. He has sent
scriptures in random places and places so unexpected as there is no doubt His
hand is guiding all along. Holy Spirit reminds me that the Lord has me in the
palm of His hands, that I need only be still and allow him to move behind the
scenes and when it seems that all is gone, He sends a voice a to place me in
awe of Him once again.
It has been the kind of Christmas that has brought about His
Glory. If you have read my three Christmas posts Comfort and Joy, Star Gazing
and God with Us, you will understand the depths from which He has spoken to me.
How this Christmas He has pursued me, more than any love ever has, He has
pursued me. He has bid me to sit in quiet solitude with Him. At what I feel in
my spirit is the end of this season, He has asked me to linger with Him and
drink in His goodness. He has placed in me a hunger that cannot be filled with
food in the natural, but only with manna from His table. Just enough to get me
from day to day, yet all sufficient and satisfying. The sweetness, the caring,
the kindness, the compassion leads me to tears of an all together new kind. No
longer do I sit in the ash heap, I have sat this Christmas in the Holy of
Holies. I have dwelt in His presence.
I sit here in the early morning, no light comes
from the dark dreary rainy day outside my windows, the only light invading the
darkness is that of the small fire in the hearth and the computer screen before
me. (I am my grandfather's granddaughter, for I do love a fire any time of day and any season.) After devotions this morning, I scanned through my FB notifications. I saw
where a FB friend, Pastor Jeff Ferguson, had made a post stating three things
he would leave behind in 2014. He asked for replies. My response: pride, grief,
fear.
If you have followed my blogs then you are well aware of the price I have paid in the past for each of these.
A conversation was held in Sunday school yesterday and continued in the choir room between myself and a cousin. (Reed Waldrep, you got us thinking.) Pride is that thing that made Satan fall. Have you ever thought about this? Satan and his minions know who Jesus is and recognize his power and authority. At His name, they must flee. Another thought to ponder today, the same grace available to you and me is also available to satan. If satan would repent, turn and receive, he would stand with the righteous on judgement day. To me, that is an humbling thought; my sins are counted with the same weight as all that the evil one has done. Now, those of us who have read the back of the book, know that is not pre-destined to happen. Why? Pride and arrogance are the very nature of Satan's character. Unfortunately they are also in the very nature of man as well
It is this pride and arrogance that has become the new veil. When Jesus cried "it is finished" on the cross, the alter was broken and the veil was torn into, offering free passage for all into the Holy of Holies, through the final perfect sacrifice. Our arrogance and pride is that veil that we place between ourselves and the Father. These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look (Proverbs6:16 )
God cannot look on sin, therefore pride has no entrance into
His kingdom.
I would say I'm letting go of pride, but the truth is, I was humbled a long time ago and stripped of all my pride, but as a human there are days it wants to rear its ugly head once again. I will be ever more on guard to keep it at bay. When I look to the least of these in my path, I will not see how much better I am, but only that the Grace of the Savior has kept me from the same position.
Grief, I gladly give up. I won't speak to this one long, if you know me at all, you already know the depths of my grief. I will be speaking to my grief in 2015, putting it in its place, like an old friend who has served his purpose for a season, but could not stay in my present life.
Fear, has been a life long battle for me and probably my biggest avenue for disobedience. Fear cost me greatly in this year alone. Doors of opportunity were flung wide to me in the summer of 2014 and out of fear, I was not obedient. My fear paralyzed me and I chose the path not laid out before. God immediately slammed every door to the wrong path in my face. More grief followed. I am choosing to speak to fear in 2015 also. It will have no more power over me again. I feel the Lord is about to open doors again, and though walking through may seem scary and unfamiliar, fear will not plant my feet and make me distrust and disobey once more.
So as this year of transition comes to a close for us all, I would like to ask you... What will you be giving up this year? Not resolutions, but reconciliations. What has the savior reconciled in your soul in 2014?
If you have followed my blogs then you are well aware of the price I have paid in the past for each of these.
A conversation was held in Sunday school yesterday and continued in the choir room between myself and a cousin. (Reed Waldrep, you got us thinking.) Pride is that thing that made Satan fall. Have you ever thought about this? Satan and his minions know who Jesus is and recognize his power and authority. At His name, they must flee. Another thought to ponder today, the same grace available to you and me is also available to satan. If satan would repent, turn and receive, he would stand with the righteous on judgement day. To me, that is an humbling thought; my sins are counted with the same weight as all that the evil one has done. Now, those of us who have read the back of the book, know that is not pre-destined to happen. Why? Pride and arrogance are the very nature of Satan's character. Unfortunately they are also in the very nature of man as well
It is this pride and arrogance that has become the new veil. When Jesus cried "it is finished" on the cross, the alter was broken and the veil was torn into, offering free passage for all into the Holy of Holies, through the final perfect sacrifice. Our arrogance and pride is that veil that we place between ourselves and the Father. These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look (Proverbs
I would say I'm letting go of pride, but the truth is, I was humbled a long time ago and stripped of all my pride, but as a human there are days it wants to rear its ugly head once again. I will be ever more on guard to keep it at bay. When I look to the least of these in my path, I will not see how much better I am, but only that the Grace of the Savior has kept me from the same position.
Grief, I gladly give up. I won't speak to this one long, if you know me at all, you already know the depths of my grief. I will be speaking to my grief in 2015, putting it in its place, like an old friend who has served his purpose for a season, but could not stay in my present life.
Fear, has been a life long battle for me and probably my biggest avenue for disobedience. Fear cost me greatly in this year alone. Doors of opportunity were flung wide to me in the summer of 2014 and out of fear, I was not obedient. My fear paralyzed me and I chose the path not laid out before. God immediately slammed every door to the wrong path in my face. More grief followed. I am choosing to speak to fear in 2015 also. It will have no more power over me again. I feel the Lord is about to open doors again, and though walking through may seem scary and unfamiliar, fear will not plant my feet and make me distrust and disobey once more.
So as this year of transition comes to a close for us all, I would like to ask you... What will you be giving up this year? Not resolutions, but reconciliations. What has the savior reconciled in your soul in 2014?
So what does 2015 hold?
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19
I begin 2015 as I did 2014, seeking God design and enlightenment
through fasting, ironic huh, that I am hungry yet I fast. I am hungry not for
food but more enlightenment, more vision, more clarity, more…of Him.
In 2015, I believe He will usher in His purpose for me in a
powerful and awesome ways that I have never seen before. I believe HE will
speak to me and show me things I have never known before. I choose to dance
before Him like David; I choose to follow Him in blind obedience like Gideon
and Joshua. I choose to praise Him in the midst of the inconvenient like His
mother, Mary. I choose to seek His face like Solomon.
I have three friends
that I am believing I will see their complete healing in 2015, that they will
be made whole again and that doctors and nurses and outsiders will stand in
amazement and ask “how can this be?” and
we will be able to say “it was our Jehovah”.
I have other friends
that are beginning ministries, or like myself are bringing new ministries from
the ashes of the old. I am believing that God is going to use us in ways that
will astound the unbeliever and the believer alike. That the unbeliever will
say “I want that” and the believer will repent from complacency and rekindle
the fires to have all that the Lord offers.
I am believing that 2015 will leave us breathless in the
presence of a Father that loves us too much to let us remain the same. I pray
for you that you will allow yourself to go deeper with the Father, that you
will open your heart and mind to receive all He has for you, to like myself
allow him to push you out of your comfort zone and into the fullness of His
purpose for your life. I pray you get
hungry. In 2015 I’m trading my birth pains for hunger pains. Lord, keep me
hungry, keep me humble, keep me in the center of Your will. In 2015, come Lord
Jesus, have Your way in me.
*Remember, if you cannot see the song link on your mobile device,
try from a pc.
You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for
Happy New Year!
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