Overwhelmed...

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Ok friends, can I just make this a confession day? Can I just be real with you today? It has been really hard recently. Really hard. There are times spiritually when it is just hard. 

Close friends and relatives in mortal and spiritual battles, financial worries, hope deferred, my own health issues, more job concerns than I even want to think about,  more major life decisions and more court battles (not of my choosing) have left me wanting to, like Elijah, go into a cave and let the ravens feed me. 

And while there has been good intermingled, more frequently than not, most days I have had to remind myself to look for it. Let's just say, I have been overwhelmed.

It is an humbling thing to see your life reduced to boxes. In the best of circumstances it means a grand, new adventure is about to begin. Children grow up, move off to college or lives of their own; new jobs are taken in far away cities and there is excitement in the air. However, when the choice is not yours, and you are leaving the home where you thought you would wave good-bye to your grandchildren from the front porch swing and in which you envisioned many future celebrations and life events, the home where you though you would draw your last breath, it is a gut wrenching experience. 

That is where I was in November of 2013. Today, I sit among more boxes...I've sold my home. Between work, school, singing and speaking, I cannot keep up the inside and the outside of the home successfully and I have determined that time with my children is far more important than a yard. So here again, we sit among the boxes and pray that somehow God will turn this into a grand, new adventure. 

 Saturday was one of those days where I sat among the boxes and ashes and just asked God what He is up to. "What next?" Actually, it was more like, "God, you gave me a glorious vision of what you want, when are you going to bring it to pass?" The night ended with one final, pitiful but heartfelt prayer. "Father, could you just show me that you are still here?"

Sunday morning I awoke like any other, wanting to get to church but not wanting to leave my cocoon. I woke my daughter, then read my devotion, and noticed a message. My first reaction was to delete it without opening it because I did not know the sender. On social media, I try not to advertise my singleness too often as it seems to be a magnet for crazy people (don't get me started on that one). Let's just suffice it to say, there are far fewer single true Christians than one would hope.

The message was from a husband and wife ministry team who had stumbled across my page on a mutual friend's share. After feeling led to pray for me, they then felt led to offer to me some encouragement. A voice recording was sent of them praying for me and surely the Lord sent them. 

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. John 16:13

It seems that Kathy and Pete Rodriguez and I share very similar paths. Their stories entail many of the same spiritual and earthly battles along the way to fulfilling the ministry that God called them too and I will forever be grateful that Holy Spirit led them to pray for this little gal 499 miles away with one mutual Facebook friend. Overwhelmed...thank you God, I see you are still here.

I arise to begin my day, my water heater has finally caught back up after my daughter's shower (bless it). I have my TV on to Jentezen Franklin as I do every Sunday when I am home. Two fold blessing, he always has a great word for the church and its my time clock as  I get dressed for church. The message..."Go and Do Likewise"  In this sermon on the Good Samaritan Franklin touches on "the robber, religion and the redeemer" . First how the robber comes to destroy lives, relationships and dreams to distract us from the purpose God has called us to. The enemy's job is to kill, steal and destroy. This is what the enemy has tried to do in my life lately, to kill my dreams, to steal my joy and to destroy my destiny. 

He then addresses religion, oh my, this one could get me in all kinds of trouble. Franklin delved head long into so many things that I could expound on. Do yourself a favor, please take the time to look up the sermon and to listen to it. The only thing that I will personally state about this. In the body of Christ, if we call ourselves by the name of Christ and we see our brother hurting, if we see them in sin, if we see them slipping away, if we see them in need we are to get involved. Lives, families, hearts  and souls could be saved and restored if we just get involved.

Finally, as he addressed the redeemer, Franklin's words reminded me that God saw me in my fallen state and he waited for my return. When I was not thinking of Him, He was thinking of me and that in this season He is still thinking of me when I cannot see his hand, when I can not hear his voice, when I do not see His plan. He has much invested in me and I am IN CHRIST. If He did nothing else for me ever again, its not about what I can do for Him, its about what He can do through me....Overwhelmed...Thank you Jesus for taking my sin.

This was our first Sunday in Sunday School at our new church, but I was determined to get us back into a regular routine. (ok... as regular as you can have in my house, lol). I get my daughter settled into her new class and make my way to mine where one of my best friends is waiting for me. It is here the Father reminds me of my purpose, the purpose for us all. 

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Phiippians 3:12

Overwhelmed....Thank you Lord, you took hold of me for a purpose.

Today our regular worship leader was not there, we had a visiting pastor and his family leading us in worship today. He begins by telling how there was a Divine appointment in the choosing of the songs for the morning. 

Doesn't matter what I feel

Doesn't matter what I see

My hope will always be

Your promises to me

Now I'm casting out all fear

For Your love has set me free

My hope will always be

Your promises to me

Overwhelmed...Thank you Holy Spirit for reminding me that we walk by faith and not sight and that the Lord alone is my hope. And then...No one will ever be able to stand against me a Child of the most High King as we sing God of Angel Armies. 

Chris begins to preach on Joshua 1:5-9, and if you read my blogs you know that God has had me camped out in these verses for some time now. Three times in this passage He commands Joshua and us to "be strong and courageous". In Chris' message he points, 1) God uses ordinary people (yep...that's me...ordinary), 2) Defining moments determine our destiny (yes they do and God has presented me with so many in my life, some welcomed and some not, but each have brought me to this place) 3) when you need a miracle, you plant a see of faith ( ok Lord, I hear you. please tell me clearly what the next step is and I'll put my toes in the water) 4) In the darkest night, light shines the brightest (yes Lord, I will shine for you even when I can't see where we are going). Overwhelmed....Thank you God for reminding me that You go before and I do not have to be afraid.

After the service, I stop by the product table and very inadequately attempt to express my thanks to the visiting worship leader for his obedience to the Holy Spirit. We chit-chat a moment and he asks if I do something in ministry. I briefly give him a run down of where God has me right now. I tell him how the whole service spoke to me so much, as I seem to be at an impasse at present and have been praying for God to give me new, clear direction. He asks if he can pray for me and we do. Then he tells me that his sister has women's ministry, gives me his card, and takes mine with a purpose of networking in the body of Christ. Overwhelmed... I stopped to buy a t-shirt, feed a child and support No Hungry Child @ www.nohungrychild.org. but Lord you have supplied yet another Divine appointment.    

Home for a few hours to regroup and prepare for our sing tonight. Then off to sing with a great bunch of gals and guys. I am blessed in that I love my job (well, most of it) and I love what I get to do in ministry for the Savior. I am also blessed to be able to discern spirits and there was a battle going on in the atmosphere last night. The enemy wanted us silenced. I gave a little bit of testimony to introduce a the song Honestly by the Issacs. This song has come to mean so much to us all as a group, but for yesterday it held a little extra meaning. As soon as we began to sing the devil was in the details. Before the end of the night we swapped out all three mic chords and still had trouble with the sound (despite the best efforts of our soundman) but the enemy is a liar, the show went on, Jesus got the victory and God got the Glory!

 I will  ask you to be in prayer for the souls that still hang in the balance. One soul in particular sat there in the pew, tears streaming down a face with an expression I know all too well.  The expression of a soul struggling to completely surrender to the Savior. I don't know the name attached to that soul but I felt led to plead with that soul to surrender it all. I pray before that soul, lay their head on their pillow last night, that all was settled in Heaven and on Earth. Will you please pray with me for that one?

The pastor came to me after the service, he said "little lady, there is an anointing all over you. You can just see God's hand all over you and He has something big for you to do."  Overwhelmed...thank You Father for allowing me to be Your hands, feet and voice. 

I know that this has been another very long entry.  I apologize and I don't apologize. My Father showed my His  presence, His love and His mercy today. He reminded me of his promises to me and His purpose for me. He reminded me that He is orchestrating my life and His hand is on me.  To God be the Glory! 

This is for someone else today. He has you too. He has given you promises. He has rescued you from the deep, dark pit or the miry clay. Maybe you have not felt His presence lately, maybe it feels He does not hear your prayers. Maybe it feels He has forgotten you. 
My friend let me assure you He is there. Look for him in the smallest of places, the shortest of conversations, in the middle of your despair, in the fiery furnace with you, in silent sweetness of the morning hour. Let His love and grace and mercy, His goodness and His faithfulness overwhelm you today.

But may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world! Galatians  6:14 

Who am I that He is mindful of me? I am overwhelmed...

My music today is from a sweet friend of mine. John Jeffrey is the piano player for the Bowling family. His talent is incredible and he works hard for the Kingdom of Christ. He will always hold a special place in my heart, I am blessed to know him.