6/12/15I saw a post today on a ministerial blog I follow. The post said, and I am paraphrasing here, "don't only show them when you are on the mountain, they need to see that you too go through every day struggles". Well, you are either in luck or cursed. This has been a week of every day struggles. Maybe even several weeks strung together. Our group sings a song called Honestly, the chorus speaks of being so desperate for Jesus that you would even tear the roof off to get to him. This week I have tried my hand at roof tearing. I have found it difficult to write, this is the third blog that I have started and just can't seem to finish the other two. Normally when I struggle with a topic the Holy Spirit will come in and take over, let's hope that is the case here today.
Yesterday was hard for me.
The days that my kids leave me always are. Children should not have to go back and forth between parents, they should not have to leave one to go to another. They should not have to choose whom they live with. This is not the way God intended, this is not His will or His plan. His plan is for both parents to raise the children together. Period. That is all I will say on this, just hear me, if you are contemplating divorce, DON'T DO IT! Momentary selfish acts leave lasting scars on those left wounded in the wake. They will not "get over it", they may learn to cope, but they never get over it.
Last night, sitting at a crossroads, the road to the right would have taken me back to my house, where boxes and more packing awaited me in the silence of the absence of my children. Chores needing to be completed, laundry needing to be done and quite frankly, it would have been a good night just to go to bed early. This was not to be however.
From deep in the pit of my very being, something called to me to take Him to the place.
"Put Me in remembrance, let us argue our case together; State your cause, that you may be proved right." Isaiah 43:26
When my journey first began, I was listening to TBN one night. There on the stage was Amanda Crabb singing along with her husband Aaron, a song that would become a reminder for me in the years to come that sometimes we need to go back in order to go forward. This for me would become an anthem in the days to come.
In July 2014 I had the pleasure of telling Amanda in person how this song had spoken so much to me in the time that I was standing for my marriage. Attending a music conference while in Nashville job hunting and visiting my friend John, I approached her to tell her how much her testimony that night had meant to me and how much the song had ministered to me in the previous couple of years. Within moments, Aaron and Amanda, being the spirit filled leaders they are, had taken me into their fold and captured a place in my heart. When in Nashville, my kids and I attend their church, a place with a name that drew me like a healing balm and a moth to a flame, Restoring Hope.
As I felt the overwhelming sense of urgency last night to steer my car to the left, I knew that I was about to take God to the place where so much of my walk with him began. I took him to the tabernacle where on a November evening in 1995, I walked the aisle to come back to him in fullness and surrender. I took him to the place where in July of 1997 my husband and I knelt at an altar and prayed for a baby the doctors said would never come.
I took him to the place where in 2001 my husband and I sat on opposite ends of a fallen tree writing love letters to one another during a marriage retreat. To the place where he penned the words that he knew that all he had been through had brought him to me and that he would love me forever.
I took him to a place where our quartet performed, where we sang in the choir for many years, where we laid many of life's concerns at an alter of grace and mercy. I took him to a place where my oldest son met the Lord many times and made life long friends. I took him to the place where my daughter first spent the night away from home and I took him to the place where my youngest attended his first church service during family camp in June of 2007, just days after being released from the Neonatal Intensive Care unit.
I took him back to the place where in July of 2012, I confessed before a multitude, the horrible sin that had been my portion in the demise of my marriage. I took him back to the place where in October of 2012 He revealed to me the purpose for my journey and the calling set before me. I took God to the place where I lay my marriage at his feet the day before the final divorce hearing in July of 2013 and told God that I would obey him whatever that meant.
I settled on that grassy knoll where that fallen tree once lay and I took God to the place where all my hopes and dreams had begun and where they all were shattered. I took him to the place where I had found His sanctifying power and where I learned that sometimes despite what God wants, people make poor choices.
And call none your father upon earth; for one is your father, who is in heaven. Matthew 23:9
I considered my self to be a daddy's girl. When my father was home, I felt safe. In my father's arms I felt protected. Last night I needed a God big enough to control this universe but small enough to be my Father, to come sit beside me and hold me while I cried once again for the broken dreams, torn memories, the sorrow and pain that have never fully left.
Tonight I needed a God big enough to be everywhere. I took God to a hospital room in Birmingham AL and one in Jacksonville FL and a home in Kite GA where impossible odds are being faced, where only He can intervene. I took Him to places in Cochran GA and Kite GA where hearts are heavy with the loss of precious loved ones. I took him to places in Dublin GA where disobedience to him has altered the lives of many, forever leaving scars and changing the courses of the lives of the innocent. I took him to a cruise ship along the coast of Florida where a heavy heart needs the peace that only God can provide. I took him to a home in Old Hickory TN where three small orphans are learning to rebuild with their loving adoptive parents. I took him to a newly established home in Hermitage TN where newlyweds have just begun their journey. I took him to Dublin GA to homes where wives feel neglected and to East Dublin GA where a teenager makes decisions. I took him to Soperton GA where grandparents feel the sting of unfairness and to Las Vegas NV where a father feels the grief of having his only son torn from him. I took him to a place to cover a tender eight year old to protect him from the evil that would capture his soul.
I took God to a place in North Carolina where a couple follow God to restore their marriage and ministry in obedience to the Father. I took him to 1041 Center Pointe Road in Hendersonville, TN where a passionate couple walk in obedience to be a shining light in their community and began a church in a city where God called them and where the congregation is embracing the vision and lives are being restored. I took God to a place in Dublin GA where a pastor, with a heart for the people and a vision laid before him, desperately tries to drag a congregation out of tradition and into full surrender to the Holy Spirit's plan and purpose. Then to a church In Dublin GA where a pastor speaks truth to his congregation who share his vision and purpose and where many new souls are being brought into the kingdom.
Psalms 91:14-16 14 "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known my name. 15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation."
But last night I also needed a God small enough to see me among the vastness of the universe, just a tiny speck of human frailty, sitting on the ground waiting for Him to meet me in this place where He has met me so many times before. Last night I needed Him to come sit beside me and tell me His plan. I needed Him to take my hand and tell me that no matter where this journey ends, He will be with me. I needed Him to reassure me that as long as I remain in Him, He will honor my efforts. Last night I needed Him to whisper words of comfort in my ear and hold me as I cried once again for every broken dream, every hope deferred, every prayer that seemingly has gone unanswered. For every scar that just will not completely heal, and I took him to that place deep down in the recesses of my soul that still holds a small, fragile thread of hope.
And then, I asked Him to go before me. To the place that I can not even fathom. I took Him to places that in my minds eye I can not even comprehend. I took Him to the next step before me that I cannot even see yet, but He alone knows. I asked Him to go into that place of provision that He has prepared and lead me there, where ever there is. I asked him to go into the hearts and minds of the people who will go with me and prepare them for the journey too. I asked Him to go into the hearts and minds of the ones that I leave behind and give myself and them the peace for me to make this journey. I asked him to go into the hearts and minds of the ones we will meet there and prepare them for this family rebuilding from brokenness, to provide mentors for my kids and me, to place us in extended families as a means of support. And I asked Him to meet us there, where ever this there is, to fulfill His purpose in us.
For I know that often times He takes us to a place where we believe we are going to be ministered to, yet we become the one who ministers and if that is His purpose then I am willing to let Him take me to this place.
“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isa 53:4-5)
I know this is not the upbeat post that you are used to. I know this one has a very heavy tone and I think its okay for us to go there for a little while, to heal, to remember how far we have come and remember the promises, and to put God in remembrance of His promises to us. We just can not stay there. Where is your place today? Where do you need to take him back to? What area does He need to heal for you? I encourage you today to do the same. Take Him to your place and let Him meet you there.
To the place where dreams were shattered
And you felt you'd lost the race
Where the only thing that's left
Is sorrow and pain
You wondered if you mattered
or did anyone see you at all
Take Him to the place
And watch dead things live again
Where one touch of His grace
And it's all washed away
He's calling out your name
Doesn't matter where you've been
Or whatever you have faced
Don't be afraid
To take Him to the place
There's a place where hope is given
Where you're free from sin and shame
Where He heals your broken heart
and speaks new life again
Where His love is ever drawing
to a place where you'll never be alone
Take Him to the place
And watch dead things live again
Where one touch of His grace
And it's all washed away
He's calling out your name
Doesn't matter where you've been
Or whatever you have faced
Don't be afraid
Let Him heal your heart
Give you a new start
You'll find life brand new
He will calm all fears
Wipe away your tears
Show you love so true
Just take Him to the place
And watch dead things live again
Where one touch of His grace
And it's all washed away
He's calling out your name
Doesn't matter where you've been
Or whatever you have faced
Don't be afraid
To take Him to the place
Just take Him to the place
Amanda and Aaron Crabb sing Take Him To the Place.
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